Guide to Volunteering in Houston

I have been feeling very “Perks of Being a Wallflower” these days. All dark and sadness and doom and gloom. Staring off into the distance, teary-eyed, whispering to myself, “My life is a black abyss”. You know, the usual.
Yesterday I decided that I was tired of moping around and eating peanut butter in my underwear while watching that god-awful Denise Richards: It’s Complicated show. I decided I was going to try to “be a better person”, which apparently cannot be achieved by drinking your weight in vodka, or by bullying other drivers into submission…both of which are my main hobbies as of late. So that’s when I decided to start volunteering again. I figured that was a good start…right?

The Homeless are Hip

I like the homeless. We have a lot in common. I, too, walk around in daylight drinking a handle of whisky and can occasionally be found urinating in public. Other things we have in common: not having any money. 

Volunteer! Yeah!

I sat down and googled (I love Google so much. Note to self: write Google a love poem sometime in the near future.) places to volunteer in Houston. I discovered that volunteering isn’t as easy as I remember. Apparently you just can’t show up and say “Sup guys, how can I help?”. I actually had to apply to volunteer at certain events and places, and I had to register on a website in order to do so. But of course it is worth it cause, y’know, it’s for the betterment of mankind and shit.

Animals are Awesome

Really, who doesn’t like animals? Except psychopaths. I hear animal abuse is one of the first signs of a serial killer. But we all know serial killers aren’t too big on the whole “volunteer” thing. So, no worries.