Schadenfreude: The Best Places in Boston to See a Fistfight

As featured in my illustrious guide to Allston , Redneck’s remains a hotspot for the local drunks to find friends and enemies they didn’t even know they had.

One distinguishing characteristic of the Redneck’s fistfight is that you’ll often see drunken fools biting off more than they can chew, picking fights with people several times their size or strength before getting throttled in seconds.

As far as open-air drug use and general destitution is concerned, the Common is probably the hub of downtown Boston. Shady characters abound, and when the likes of them combine with an ever-increasing law enforcement presence, things are bound to get ugly.

Occasionally bystanders (read: me) get to observe things like a Boston police officer attempting to leap a seven-inch-high decorative chain fence, failing, and falling onto his face. Most of the time, though, you just see shouting and fights.

I am basically only including Symphony Hall because it played host to a truly legendary Boston fight . Who knows if such carnage will ever be replicated, but if you end up there at least you’ll see a nice performance at one of the most acoustically sound buildings on earth.

A shady neighborhood often populated by drug addicts and full of bars that becomes inundated with howling sports fans once every couple of nights. Connect the dots, etc.

Pretty much the end-all-be-all of dive bars in Boston, lots of the people you find here will be equally willing to tell you what drugs they did with the Celtics in the 1980’s as they will be to attempt to sell you those drugs.

This place used to be a lot worse, but as far as I know they will still exchange one American dollar for a pint of beer, so all is not lost.

A shady neighborhood often populated by drug addicts and full of bars that becomes inundated with howling sports fans once every couple of nights. Connect the dots, etc.

For those craving more legitimate fights, I’ve heard very good things about this boxing gym. They offer both lessons and workout class-type things that are probably way more exciting than doing pilates while a Sheryl Crow song plays at a low volume over a horrible gym PA system.

Also featured in my Allston guide , the Kells might not offer fights of the highest quality, but there’s almost a one hundred percent chance of something of a violent nature happening there every single night.

Fights at the Kells have damaged so many local businesses that it is my understanding local property values have gone down. I would guess that almost every business within 100 yards of this place has had a window broken as a result of the Kells being there.

This past Easter Sunday , 200 people fought each other with bats and knives in the children’s birthday party area of Good Times Emporium, a local arcade.

Good Times Emporium is the kind of place where this surprised almost nobody. It is heaven on earth. It is closing on June 30, 2008 to make room for an Ikea, and Boston will be much worse off for it. Get your kicks in now, because time is not long in America for beautiful places like this.