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Life (And Death) After 25 in New York
- by matt_fried
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- August 26, 2008
(3)
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Huh, why can I see more of my scalp? Why am I getting a buzz after a beer and a half? 11:00 p.m. get-to-together on a Tuesday?!?! I have to be at work in the morning! Wait - why is that an issue? Oh no... I'm an adult! That's right Walter Mitty, your uber-youthful days are behind you; welcome to being a grown-up, or a bad case of arrested development. I really don't care which one you choose because I've got my own problems, like how does no one remember the first single ever released by Color Me Badd?!?! Before you break out the John Mayer albums, and insist on "dropping by" your old frat house to party, why not take a step back and actually ask yourself if getting older is really a bad thing. While you're at it, please stop buying Axe by the gallon.
"25?" Aw Christ, I'm five years from 30!
Freak out. Update your Dave Matthews collection. Get a profile on Match.com that zeros in on women 19 to 23. Watch MTV endlessly. Perfect your beer pong skills. Drop endless amounts of cash on your PS3 habit. Insist that living with your parents is soooo economically feasible. Yeah, that’s one way to do it, I guess.
American Eagle Outfitters
575 Broadway Frnt A, New York, NY 10012
Nothing screams repressed more than dressing like you’re still 19 years old. Was that a low blow? Sorry, but it’s kind of true. You may be a product of the suburbs, but so are most upper middle class white kids now living in the city. What better way to affirm that than looking like a poster child for a brand name super store?
Nothing screams repressed more than dressing like you’re still 19 years old. Was that a low blow? Sorry, but it’s kind of true. You may be a product of the suburbs, but so are most upper middle class white kids now living in the city. What better way to affirm that than looking like a poster child for a brand name super store?
How To Turn Your Hang-Ups Into Cash!
Ah, John Mayer; sexy as all hell, more boring than Thom Yorke on anti-depressants. Mayer has completely reinvented his career based on the fact that he once turned thirty. Somehow, that’s not only appealing to his audience, but it let him sleep with Jessica Simpson for nine months! I mean, yes: he is a very talented musician, and yes, a real student of the art of music. But that all said, how has no one yet called him out on any of this? What’s more, what kind of guy listens to anything off his Continuum album? A tip ladies: if the guys you’re hooking up with has any of Mayer’s stuff on heavy rotation in his apartment, run.
Urban Outfitters
162 2nd Ave, New York, NY 10003
Want to look indie, but not so indie that you don’t look as indie as everyone else? Easy just hit up the one store every other generic twentysomething in the city shops at. Don’t worry, you won’t look desperate at all – everyone wants to be twenty-one forever.
Want to look indie, but not so indie that you don’t look as indie as everyone else? Easy just hit up the one store every other generic twentysomething in the city shops at. Don’t worry, you won’t look desperate at all – everyone wants to be twenty-one forever.
Olive Garden Italian Restaurant
2 Times Square Plaza, New York, NY 10036
Yep – looking for a night on the town? Why not throw boatloads of cash at her and the one restaurant everyone loves: The Olive Garden. It’s been your favorite since you were nine.
Yep – looking for a night on the town? Why not throw boatloads of cash at her and the one restaurant everyone loves: The Olive Garden. It’s been your favorite since you were nine.
Mr. Mid-Life Crisis is this year’s Madden cover boy – coincidence?
Game Stop
89 Pier 17, New York, NY 10038
Yeah, dude – you’re an athlete. Madden 09’s release is only a few weeks away. It’s a fall tradition, like shopping for the first day of school. Once you pick it up, you’ve got to hit the virtual gym pretty hard with the rest of your buddies… over XBox Live. Nothing is worse than players thumb.
Yeah, dude – you’re an athlete. Madden 09’s release is only a few weeks away. It’s a fall tradition, like shopping for the first day of school. Once you pick it up, you’ve got to hit the virtual gym pretty hard with the rest of your buddies… over XBox Live. Nothing is worse than players thumb.
Dude, You're Old...
Chicks Dig It... Right?
I hit up two female consultants of mine for some of their thoughts on guys at the quarter mile mark. Here’s a shortlist from actress, media personality, and your future ex-wife, Rachel Feldman
1. Being rich doesn’t equal being cool.
2. 19 year old girls think you are old and gross. I know, I was one.
3. Confidence is good, arrogance is annoying. A quiet confidence is awesome.
4. It’s not that hard to research a decent restaurant in this town.
5. I’m not asking you to choose between your friends and me; just don’t choose your friends everytime.
6. Make me feel good about myself in any other way than putting yourself down.
On the more commitment-based end of the tip, my fellow freelancer, Jean Stevens, had some thoughts on the uber-post-adolescent tendencies that drive her up a wall:
“When you tell them ‘I like you,’ and they immediately assume
you want to hang out every waking moment, get married and have babies
in the next week. Um, no, we just like you, and we’d be interested to
see where it goes. And kissing could be involved. And when they say
they’re ‘too busy for a relationship right now…’ and ‘need to figure
out’ their lives ‘on their own for a while.’ Implying a) we women, who
are willing to date them, are not busy and do not need to figure out our
lives too, and b) they can’t figure out their lives while dating
someone. Do we really demand that much - from guys?”
time, energy, sex, whatever -
"25?" Okay... what am I doing with my life?
I have a college degree, but it’s not really what I’m into. It’s not like I want to be stuck in my crappy job, I’m just afraid of failing at anything else. I don’t really date all that much; it’s a long story. I do graphic design as a hobby; a lot of people have told me I’m really good. I guess I could put something together for your album cover. How much? Um, $200 would be cool, I guess.
Bloomingdale's
59th St & Lexington, New York, NY 10001
They always say “Clothes make the man.” So, instead of dropping your paycheck on beer money, why not save up for a decent suit? I’m just saying, you never know when owning one may come in handy…
They always say “Clothes make the man.” So, instead of dropping your paycheck on beer money, why not save up for a decent suit? I’m just saying, you never know when owning one may come in handy…
The Coolest Nerd In America
David Bryne took the award for “Nerd of Rock” a while ago. So what’s so awesome about this guy? Let’s check out the list: 1) Leader of one of the greatest bands of the last thirty years, 2) Shameless art geek, 3) Cool conceptual artist, 4) Unpretentious rock star, 5) Doesn’t believe in growing old, 6) He plays weddings. No, he never had groupies throwing themselves at him, but he sure didn’t care that his hair got grey. David Bryne pretty much just kept doing his thing and when the Talking Heads ran its course, he did something else. I don’t think you could meet anyone else who knew how to move forward. Oh, and he was on The Simpsons, too.
Star Struck Limited
43 Greenwich Avenue, New York, NY 10014
Take the risk on finding something new and unusual… and previously owned. Don’t trash the rest of your wardrobe, but mix it up a bit. Find something vintage that you like with character. Like it or not, that’s how some folks see you by now. Embrace it.
Take the risk on finding something new and unusual… and previously owned. Don’t trash the rest of your wardrobe, but mix it up a bit. Find something vintage that you like with character. Like it or not, that’s how some folks see you by now. Embrace it.
Basilica Restaurant
676 9th Avenue New York, NY 10036
I’m not one for Midtown, but 9th Avenue can be awesome on the right day. Basilica offers an enticing, affordable menu of unique food. Daring to check it out, may possibly lead to wanting to know about the non-chain eateries in New York – do you dare!?!
Sports Center At Chelsea Piers the
Chelsea Piers Pier 60, New York, NY 10001
Okay, you’re looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking “Huh, I wish this didn’t pooch out.” Instead of digging on video games, why not hit up the Sports Center at Chelsea Piers and go beyond the average work-out? Rock climbing, boxing, batting cages – no one is asking you to become the next pitchman for Powerade; but what’s wrong with a little creative imagination?
Okay, you’re looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking “Huh, I wish this didn’t pooch out.” Instead of digging on video games, why not hit up the Sports Center at Chelsea Piers and go beyond the average work-out? Rock climbing, boxing, batting cages – no one is asking you to become the next pitchman for Powerade; but what’s wrong with a little creative imagination?
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.jpg "AlexandraF")
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Girls dig passion and goals… Not a hard ass that works too hard and too much, but a person with aspirations… Ok, well I dig that at least… Oh, and nice clean teeth is a must… you could have put the dentist on this sweet guide.
.jpg "mswen")
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I never knew guys really gave a second thought to any of this. Great job!
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