Lesson 1 - Finding the Internets

The first thing you’ll need to do before doing anything is to find the Internets and turn it on for yourself. The easiest way to do this is to go to Home Depot and ask them for the Internets 2.1 (the .1 means it’s the newest version).

After buying the Internet, you need to load it into your computer. You’ll usually end up purchasing the disc version, shown here:

Lesson 2 - Talking on teh Internets

You will notice that I called it “teh Internets.”  You should get used to spelling things in this weird manner, called “leet speak” or ”|337 5p34k,” and you can use this so that you can make other users of the Internet feel stupid.

Lesson 3 - Finding things

You can use the Internets for lots of things, including finding things and captioning pictures of cats.

Really the best way to find things on the Internets is NOT google. The googles, they do nothing. The best way to find things is to trust an online encyclopedia.

Conservapedia really is your best bet to find useful and engaging information, as witnessed by their
excellent articles on Unicorns
and Evolution.

The other main thing to remember about talking over the Internet:
If you use the all caps button LIKE THIS, PEOPLE TEND TO RESPECT YOU MORE AND LISTEN TO WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE THEY CAN’T STOP READING YOUR TEXT. THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TALK OVER THE INTERNETS.

Lesson 4 - IM

IM is not I’m or Im without the apostrophe. It really stands for Instant Messenger, which means that you can talk to people in real time no matter where they are in the world. Kind of like a phone, except you type instead of talk. Dumbass.