IDM - Pure Ambivalence of the Gods

Survey #1 All About You

What do you want for dinner?

a. Steak and potatoes
b. Mexican
. Italian
d. Who gives a damn, just FEED ME!

What kind of shoes do you prefer?

a. Nike
b. Doc Martin’s
c. Skechers
d. Something made of leather with laces

What make of car are you most likely to buy?

a. Chevrolet
b. Toyota
c. Lexus
. Gimme a truck

Where are you most likely to go on a Saturday night?

a. Dinner and a movie with your wife
b. The opera
c. Stay home with popcorn and a video
d. Wherever they have nekkid women

Saving for retirement, what is your strategy?

a. 401k
b. IRA
c. Social Security
d. Wherever they have nekkid women!

Marriage?

a. Already married
b. Engaged
c. Hell no
d. Wherever they have nekkid women!

Ambivalence

am·biv·a·lence /æmˈbɪvələns/ - [am-biv-uh-luhns]

–noun -  Uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things. Psychology. the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.

In other words, who gives a rat’s ass!

Mediocrity

Mediocrity -  

of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate. Rather poor or inferior

Truly a man’s man!

South Park The Beer Song Lyrics 
 
man: ooohhh, what is the malted liquor, what gets you drunker quicker,
what comes in bottles or in cans…
men: BEER!

man: cant get enough of it…
men: BEER!
man: how we really love it…
men: BEER!
man: makes me think i’m a man…
men: BEER!

man: i can kiss and hug it…
men: BEER!
man: but i’d rather chug it…
men: BEER!
man: got my belly up to here…
men: BEER!

man: i cannot refuse a…
men: BEER!
man: i could really use a…
men: BEER, BEER BEER!

men: BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER

drunk man: i cant remember how much I have had, i drank a twelve pack with my dad.
drunk father: (burp) thats my son the drunken manley stud, im proud to call him my bud.
drunk man: here, have some pretzels
drunk father: no, i’ll call it quits, those things give me the Schlitz
drunken man: ha ha ha.

men: drink with your family, drink it with your friends
man: drink till your fat , stomach distends,
beer, is liquid bread its good for you,
men: we like to drink till we spew, ew
men: who cares if we get fat
man: i’ll drink to that
man: as we sing once more…

man: what is the malted liquor, what gets you drunker quicker,
what comes in bottles or in cans…
men: BEER!

man: cant get enough of it…
men: BEER!
man: how we really love it…
men: BEER!
man: makes me think i’m a man…
men: BEER!

man: i can kiss and hug it…
men: BEER!
man: but i’d rather chug it…
men: BEER!
man: fill my belly up to here…
men: BEER!

man: golly I adore it, come on damn it, pour it,
do it for me brew it for me, feed it to me speed it to me,
men: BEER!
man: the most wonderful drink in the world, hooray!

(Burp)

Survey #2 Politics

In the 2008 Presidential Election, who would you vote for?

a. John McCain
b. Hillary Clinton
c. Barack Obama
d. Vote, what’s that?

Do identify more with the Democratic or Republican Party (whether or not you are a registered voter)?

a. Democratic
b. Republican
c. Independent
d. Whichever has the most nekkid women

Of the three listed below, which is NOT a U.S. Senator?

a. John Kerry
b. Joe Lieberman
c. Hillary Clinton
d. Popeye the Sailor Man

How would you rate the George W. Bush administration?

a. Excellent
b. Ok
c. Poor
d. Great place to pick up nekkid women

What would you do about the current situation in Iraq?

a. Immediate pull-out
b. Gradual pull-out
c. Continue at current troop levels
d. Iraq? Where the hell is that?

The Average American Male

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average height for an adult male in the United States is 69.2 inches, or 5 feet 9.2 inches. 

From the same source, we learn that the average weight for an adult male in the United States is 189.8 pounds

These statistics for average height and weight for an adult male are from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) conducted from 1999-2002.

The average SINGLE male, does not have a six-figure income, a multi-tiered investment portfolio, PhD, or a lawyer to hide behind when life gets complicated. Their daily lives are full of obligations that don’t allow them to indulge in a four hundred-page dissertation on improving our debt structure, sex lives, or food consumption.

The one thing the average American male IS quite concerned about is size ‘down there’. Well, lets put that to rest right now. The average aroused length is between 5.1 and 5.7 inches or 5.5 to 6.3 inches depending on whose stats you believe. In either case somewhere around five and a half inches is  average. Statistically speaking, most men fall somewhere in the middle.

So, who is the “Average American Male”? He is we, me, us; you and me. He is those who understand that mediocrity equals greatness and any negative connotation has been thrust on society by our parents, wives and leaders. WE ARE AMERICA!

An interesting tidbit from the NY Times dated August 8, 2005:
“With brain scanning, we can discern physiological differences between the average male and the average female brain. For example, the average man’s cerebrum (the area in the front of the brain concerned with higher thinking) is 9 percent larger than the average woman’s. Similar, though less distinct, overgrowth is found in all the lobes of the male brain. On average, men also have a larger amygdala (an almond shaped structure in the center of the brain involved in processing fear and emotion), and more nerve cells.”

See, told ya so!

What the Average Male Wants His Woman to Understand - Rules of the Road

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
 
Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
 
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
 
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
 
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
 
Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
 
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it’s like camping.

Thanks to Funny2.com