How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

by darlingnikki
-
August 30, 2008

Rate Guide

(2)

Humor

2 discussions

Social connectivity is so important in this age of networking. Your public persona has to be honed to perfection in order to stand out from the masses in order to get a job, a date or an invite to a party. Or you could rebel against conformity, become a loner and maybe buy yourself a black trench coat and sniper rifle. There are many ways to become a social pariah: here are a few.

Refuse to wear deodorant because you think your personal odor is ‘more natural.'

A hallmark of a social pariah is excessive body odor. There are many ways to accomplish this. For instance, throw your deodorant in the garbage can. While you’re throwing things away, toss your toothbrush, mouthwash and soap. And remember, showers are for suckers!

Add Comment

Play a one-hour block of holiday music on the juke box.

A great way to piss in the Cheerios of everyone around you is by monopolizing the jukebox with Christmas songs, especially in July. Make sure you pay the extra credit to ‘play my song next’ so that anybody who has already dropped some dollars will have to wait an extra hour to hear their songs.

Add Comment

Share your encyclopedic knowledge of Klingon rites and rituals with anyone who will listen.

Star Trek geeks have an iron-grip on social alienation. Brush up on your Klingon factoids and then relate these to every conversation, particularly the ones in which you are not involved in. Derailing your friend’s attempts to pick up a hot chick with a detailed account of Klingon wedding rituals is a surefire way to piss him off.

Add Comment

Try to involve your friends and family in a pyramid scheme.

If you really want to throw your social life under the bus, try to involve everyone you know in a pyramid scheme. Throw a big party advertising great food and a keg and then tell everybody “I brought you here to tell you about this great new business opportunity.”

Add Comment