Hipster Douchebag Must Haves

by seattle_cameron
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September 09, 2009
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The hipster has many faces and many facades... Geek hipster, bicycle messenger hipster, emo punk hipster, hip hop hipster, vintage princess hipster--each tragically toolish in their self-entitled, over-inflated sense of self douchebagdom. So let's lift our Papst/High Life and cheers to our mutual hate of hipsters! What are other hipster quintessentials?

Emo Tattoos

A sad robot smoking a cigarette with a blue, broken heart. This kid is going straight to hell for this atrocity.

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: by seven_nov... 05/20/2009

That’ll impress his cellmate.

: by seattle_c... 05/20/2009

Yeah, he’s pretty much asking for it.

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: by courtney1 03/02/2012

fu*k you “jays”

But You Wear it Like This

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: by seven_nov... 05/20/2009

what cockblocker told her that was “her look”

: by dallas 09/08/2009

I don’t know if that’s a girl .w.

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: by lisac3 01/03/2011

Another of Lady Gaga’s contraptions.

Bicycle Cap

Cause this makes you aerodynamic on your messenger bike.

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: by alexandraf 05/12/2009

OMG, my dad has this still…. haha, i’m taking it.

: by seattle_c... 05/12/2009

But he probably doesn’t wear it though, to be all cool… right? Though I am sure your dad is pretty bad ass.

: by amyj 09/18/2009

Those were so awesome when I was in elementary school! My brother always wore his sideways with his Hammer pants.

Messenger Bike

Stupid bike in front of a graffiti-ridden wall. Not contrived at all.

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: by the_mean_... 05/12/2009

Bike riding is so trendy…..A trend I’m not hopping on, I’d be the hipster who got hit by a car.

: by aliciak 05/13/2009

I have a hand-me-down bike from a neighbor back home…my friend in Queens fixes it and I cut her hair in exchange. :)

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: by katiej 09/25/2009

and, extra douche-points… it’s a fixed-gear!

Greasy, Side-Swept Hair

At least his filthy hair is covering half of his face. He took a picture of it since he can’t see.

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: by gillians 05/18/2009

I am sucker for hipster hair. I want to touch it SO BADLY.

: by seven_nov... 05/20/2009

Wow, so they’ve finally out done the 80s.

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: by courtney1 03/02/2012

I find this attractive weather you do or not. Just leave us the f**k alone.

The Hipster Pants of the Future

Ow ow!

added by MadeleineVictoria 05/12/2009

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: by the_mean_... 05/12/2009

<—— has them.

: by seattle_c... 05/12/2009

damn, i do too. they’re red and i look like a super hero when i wear them and i kinda love it.

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: by amyj 09/18/2009

Oh dear…I’m going to have to get some of those for karaoke night.

Hatred of Hipsters

HIPSTER: Ugh! I HATE hipsters they are so annoying!
ME: [head implodes]

added by GillianS 05/12/2009

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: by seven_nov... 05/20/2009

I used to use one finger, now I’m up to two.

: by matt_fried 09/09/2009

Oh Avril…

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: by courtney1 03/02/2012

Seriously!? There is nothing wrong with being a hipster!

Do you think hipster douchebags play this version of bingo? You have to admit, it’s hilarious!!! And pretty true too, minus some things (Pumas?! I LOVE Pumas!).

added by Susie 05/14/2009

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: by seattle_c... 05/17/2009

It’d be pretty easy to play this with friends at a local dive bar or something..I think the skull screen print is another really good call

: by amyj 09/18/2009

I wear Pumas…but only when I’m actually playing soccer.

: by adrian 02/25/2011

Never thought of myself as a hipster until this. DOH!

Thick, Black, Non-Prescription Glasses

Or just wear them on a tshirt, cause that’s even more obnoxious.

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: by matt_fried 09/09/2009

I knew a dude in high school who rocked fake glasses. He would’ve looked great… had we all not know he was a massive tool.

: by courtney1 03/02/2012

Fake Glasses= awesome. Face it!

Eccentric Converse

I feel like Converse should sell shoes with a print of my vomit all over it.

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: by aliciak 05/12/2009

Hahahaha. I have vintage blue converse? Is that okay? I hope so!

: by seattle_c... 05/12/2009

Do they have patterns on them? And do you where them with rolled up skinny jeans as you’re ridding your messenger bike?

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: by amyj 09/18/2009

I have 12 pairs of converse in various colors, but they don’t have designs on them…and I never thought of writing my tweets on my shoes! I’m gonna go get me some Sharpies! Bwah haha!

Side Satchel Man Purse

In highschool, we (girls) used to wear these so the strap would go across our boobs and make em’ look all big.. apparently hipster dudes are also into accentuating their own breasts.

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: by seven_nov... 05/20/2009

The idiots above could use it to carry their bandanas

: by seattle_c... 05/20/2009

hahaha— don’t forget, their journals to write down all of their feelings..

: by amyj 09/18/2009

I saw a guy with a leopard print messenger bag today! I almost yelled at him from my car.

Mustaches For Her

It’s kind of a big deal. Check it out here

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: by aliciak 05/12/2009

I HATE the whole mustache trend.

: by seattle_c... 05/12/2009

I don’t understand it at all. But notice the Tshirt with knuckle tattoo emblems.. I think that’s even funnier.

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: by courtney1 03/02/2012

me too.. Mustaches rule my world.

Buttons: A Must Have Accessory

Especially ones of punk bands that you don’t know.

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: by tmamone 05/12/2009

Oh yes, I’ve got the buttons! Except that I actualy listen to all those bands.

: by seattle_c... 05/12/2009

So that means (officially) that you’re not a hipster ;) We can be friends, now.

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: by simone 09/16/2009

Gawd. I’m sort of glad now that I lost all my buttons over the decades. Between this pseudo-punkitude and the damn football shoulders, I’m done with the retro ’80s crap.

Eccentric Glasses

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: by susie 05/12/2009

I hate these and don’t understand their purpose at all!!!

: by gillians 05/18/2009

Their purpose is to clearly mark people that deserve to be punched in the face by me (or you, dear Susie).

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: by susie 09/18/2009

Newest fad?! Haha that’s awesome. I would like to see these take off among the common folk :)

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Hipsters love PBR. Some hipsters refuse to drink anything else!!

added by Susie 05/12/2009

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: by seattle_c... 05/12/2009

I think they buy cheap booze cause they spend all their money at American Apparel

: by susie 05/13/2009

Ahhh, I’m finally starting to understand!! You’re so right!

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: by matt_fried 09/09/2009

Joe’s Tavern on 6th, b/w A & B. PBR on tap. $3. No hipster BS. Thank God for Joe’s.

Guys Wearing Girl Pants

Plz stop.

added by Hi Liner 05/12/2009

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: by seattle_c... 05/12/2009

The white belt seems to be a hipster hit as well.. i should add this. Thanks Hi!

: by jaywop 05/14/2009

I don’t know how these guys are so skinny. I guess no eating works.

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: by courtney1 03/02/2012

Thank you “christians”…. I almost had a heart attack.

Godawful Taste In Music

Okay, I’ll be straight: thank you hipster culture for MGMT. But that’s really it. The majority of “hipster favorite” stuff I hear is likely “crap”, “unrehearsed crap”, and “unrehearsed, talentless crap”. Admittedly, I’m a pop kid – I love good rhythm and an upbeat tempo. However, it seems like everyone and their bisexual cousin from Williamsburg is trying to emulate TV On The Radio’s sound and Karen O’s look with varying degrees of FAIL.

added by Matt Fried 09/09/2009

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: by courtney1 03/02/2012 Reply

WOW…. You guys make me sick. I bet half of you are emo. Go cut yourselves and then we’ll see who is “more obnoxious” You guys cant hang….