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Bigg-Ass Vegetables -- The latest trend in yuppie produce
- by elguapo
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- June 19, 2009
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When it comes to the farmer's market crowd, it seems like the trends are always changing. I went to Chicago's Green City Market last weekend and tried to buy organic tomatoes. The woman looked at me like I was from another planet. "Buying organic is sooo 2007," she told me. "Local is the new organic. But if you want the real scoop, 'giant' is the new 'local'". Yep, she tried to convince me that the newest trend is buying gigantic produce. Apparently, giant produce is both better for the environment and more socially responsible. So with the summer farmer's market season officially starting here's a guide to the latest trend in yuppie produce.
I. Big-ass Vegetables.
Organic is out. Local is in (for now). The upcoming trend in produce, however, is Gigantic.
Giant Potato
Originally engineered by the McDonald’s corporation in the late 1990s for their Super-Duper Size fries.
Giant Pumpkins
You should see them when they’re fully inflated…
Giant Carrots
More Vitamin A than you can shake a stick at….
Giant Cabbage
Mary Weathers, 27, of Oakfort, TN lives out her childhood fantasy of becoming a real life cabbage patch kid.
Giant Poultry
Giant poultry is also becoming popular at some farmer’s markets.
Mr. Giant Pickle
Buckley High School 9th Grader, Seven Pastrana proudly displays his first place squash at the 2008 Tarzana giant produce festival. In a failed attempt to lose his virginity, Steven refers to himself exclusively as “Mr. Giant Pickle” upon returning to school in the fall.
Heirloom
1. A horticultural variety that has survived for several generations usually due to the efforts of private individuals
What you need to know: Basically it’s a lumpy, disgusting looking vegetable that people pay extra money for. Tomatoes and cantaloupe are common. Click here for example
Rhubarb
1. Any of several plants of the genus Rheum, especially R. rhabarbarum, having long green or reddish acidic leafstalks that are edible when sweetened and cooked. Also called pie plant.
What you need to know: Looks like red celery. You cook this shit with strawberries to make the best pie on the planet.
Farmer's Market Faux Pas
Wearing a tank top to the farmer’s market is a good way to let the yuppies know you’re a novice. If you wanna fit in with the farmer’s market crowd, read Christian Lander’s excellent guide to Farmer’s Markets here: Stuff White People Like Blog
Urban Organic Farming -- We Farm America
Don’t want to pay someone else to grow your veggies? Don’t have the yard space for a garden? Don’t worry. grow them yourself in your apartment. We Farm America and their staff of Chicago’s finest urban organic farmers will show you how to grow organic veggies in your house.
Museum of Contemporary Art
220 E Chicago Ave, Chicago, IL 60611
Talk about artsy-fartsy. The Museum of contemporary Art has an outdoor market where you can quickly grab yourself some of them fancy heirloom tomatoes and zucchini bread before you head in to check out the newest exhibit. Nice!
Talk about artsy-fartsy. The Museum of contemporary Art has an outdoor market where you can quickly grab yourself some of them fancy heirloom tomatoes and zucchini bread before you head in to check out the newest exhibit. Nice!
IV. Veggie fun facts
Who knew vegetables were so interesting
Farmer's Tan
The term Farmer’s Tan originated in Mutarp, Arkansas.
Learn more about this and other awful sun tans here.
Farmer's Market Art
Grant Wood painted American Gothic in 1930 and entered the painting in a competition at the Art Institute of Chicago.
“The judges deemed it a ‘comic valentine,’ but a museum patron convinced them to award the painting the bronze medal and $300 cash prize.”
The Art Institute of Chicago
111 S Michigan Ave, Chicago, IL 60603
American Gothic still hangs at the Art Institute. Go check it out so you can say you’ve seen it,
American Gothic still hangs at the Art Institute. Go check it out so you can say you’ve seen it,
Giant Melon-Squash-Thingy
Hooray! I made a vegetable!!
Heirloom Cantaloupe
I’m talkin Giant Cantaloupe, bitches!!!
Giant Carrot Top
Prop comedian and produce trendsetter, Carrot Top could see the writing on the wall. He became “Giant Carrot Top” in 2006, after failed stints as Organic Carrot Top and Locally Produced Carrot Top while performing his solo act on the Carnival cruise line’s ship, “Jubilation”.
For picture of organic Carrot Top, click here
Cabbage Patch Kids
Remind me again. Why were these kids allowed to just wander around in a cabbage patch? Who were their parents? Were they raised by wolves?
Giant Pests
Giant vegetables attract giant pests. When you’re buying the hottest new trend in vegetables, be sure to wash them well to get rid of the gigantor snails the size of your palm.
Mr. Giant Pickle Trophy
Steven Pastrana seen here with Mr. Giant Pickle trophy.
II Farmer's Market Vocab Primer
If you’ve never been, here are some basic terms you should familiarize yourself with before heading to the farmer’s market.
Arugala
1. A yellowish-flowered Mediterranean herb (Eruca vesicaria sativa) of the mustard family cultivated for its foliage which is used especially in salads — called also garden rocket, rocket, roquette, rugola
What you need to know: Arugala is the favorite food of yuppie douchebags. Looks like any other lettuce type vegetable. If you hear the vendor say “it goes well with a white Zinfandel” then you know you’re buying arugula. At this point, drop the vegetable and walk away.
III. Where to purchase Giant Veggies
Your best bet is to head to a farmer’s market. Here are some good ones.
Lincoln Park Farmer's Market
Armitage Ave & Orchard St Chicago, IL 60614
Open on Saturdays from 7:00 am to 2:00 pm, this market specializes in selling just about every variety of apple in the world. It’s located in the parking lot of Lincoln Park High school.
Green City Markets
2732 N Clark St Ste 3, Chicago, IL 60614
The Granddaddy of Chicago’s farmer’s markets. Located in Lincoln Park and open on Wednesdays and Saturdays, this place is like a produce trade-show extravaganza. Go on Wednesdays if you don’t like the crowds. But either way, your best bet is to get there early. This is the biggest and most popular market in Chicago and most of the good stuff is gone by 9:00 am.
The Granddaddy of Chicago’s farmer’s markets. Located in Lincoln Park and open on Wednesdays and Saturdays, this place is like a produce trade-show extravaganza. Go on Wednesdays if you don’t like the crowds. But either way, your best bet is to get there early. This is the biggest and most popular market in Chicago and most of the good stuff is gone by 9:00 am.
Daley Center
50 W Washington St, Chicago, IL 60602
Even Mayor Daley is getting in the act. The Daley Center has a farmer’s market every Thursday, which is perfect for people who really want to beat the crowds. A lot of the vendors that sell at the famed Green City Markets on Wednesdays and Saturdays, will show up here on Thursdays as well.
Even Mayor Daley is getting in the act. The Daley Center has a farmer’s market every Thursday, which is perfect for people who really want to beat the crowds. A lot of the vendors that sell at the famed Green City Markets on Wednesdays and Saturdays, will show up here on Thursdays as well.
This shit's organic!!!
The Obama White House is the first White House to plant an organic farm on premises.
Check out the WHO Farm here
Chicago's Farmer's Markets
If you liked this guide, here are a few others I recommend
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You know what I love about this guide? Well, everything, but that’s a given. What I love the most is the fact that you recommend your Wolf Shirt guide at the end.
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The guide icon…… It is amazazing!
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