(4 thumbs up) Add A Thumbs Up
- |
- (5)
- Comments
Categories: Humor; Literature & Arts
.jpg)
Channeling Woody In New York
Woody Allen has crafted a brilliant career at being a self-loathing, quasi-intellectual mensch. For over forty years, he has been making movies in New York, about New York, with very few apologies to anyone who doesn't live here. Some of us consider him a hero, while everybody else is trying to figure out how he bedded so many shiksas in the '70s. Anyway, he may not be telling any secrets soon, but we can still guess. Break out the Nietzche, pour yourself some coffee, and get ready to hate everything about yourself and your parents. Don't worry - ScarJo will still find you sexy.
Fordham University - the College at Lincoln Center, Pre Comp Info Science Program
New York, NY 10001
See if you can flex your way into a couple of classes on nihilist theory, religious didacticism, and film appreciation. Nothing more stimulating that relating your love of The Seventh Seal to a co-ed over coffee. That is, before you launch into you own cynical rant about how your potential is being wasted. And, of all places, at a Jesuit university. What would your great-grandmother say?
See if you can flex your way into a couple of classes on nihilist theory, religious didacticism, and film appreciation. Nothing more stimulating that relating your love of The Seventh Seal to a co-ed over coffee. That is, before you launch into you own cynical rant about how your potential is being wasted. And, of all places, at a Jesuit university. What would your great-grandmother say?
Bagels and Cream Cheese
The Jewish food of sympathy. When a guy like Woody is going through heartbreak, or emotional devastation, or the Knicks blow another game, he doesn’t drink – he steps over to H&H and gets a toasted everything with cream cheese. Remember, you’re talking about a food item that survived pogroms, the trip to Ellis Island, the Holocaust, and international release of What’s New, Pussycat? It’s not just what you eat on a Sunday morning while reading the Times. It keeps you warm at night when Mia Farrow won’t give you the time of day.
Viand Cafe
2130 Broadway New York, NY 10023
Nothing like eggs, bagels, and coffee at five dollar diner in The Upper West Side. I know, I was floored when I found out this joint existed, too. Anyway, tip liberally – it’s an election year and everyone seems to be playing on upper middle class guilt these days.
A Date With Woody At The Cloisters
Woody: “I don’t want to even tell you what this reminds me of.”
Leggy Female: “Are you trying to insult me?”
Woody: “Please; an insult would be for me to say nothing at all.”
Leggy Female: “You’re right; I love you.”
Woody: “I’m mildly interested.”
The Cloisters
1838 Riverside Dr, Manhattan, NY 10040
Everything in Woody Allen’s movies seems to take place above 59th Street. So you can’t really get more uptown and different than The Cloisters, the Met’s recreation of a French medieval monastery and home to an impressive art collection of the same era. Find time to look at the Unicorn Tapestries and converse about how your father always used say that the perfect woman was blonde, buxom, and a princess.
Everything in Woody Allen’s movies seems to take place above 59th Street. So you can’t really get more uptown and different than The Cloisters, the Met’s recreation of a French medieval monastery and home to an impressive art collection of the same era. Find time to look at the Unicorn Tapestries and converse about how your father always used say that the perfect woman was blonde, buxom, and a princess.
Butterfield Market
1114 Lexington Avenue, New York, NY 10075
Caviar. Vegan pizza. And talking about your sex life with your best friend. Perfect way to spend a Saturday morning in my book. Did you know that the universe is expanding?
Caviar. Vegan pizza. And talking about your sex life with your best friend. Perfect way to spend a Saturday morning in my book. Did you know that the universe is expanding?
Shiksas
The forbidden fruit that all neurotic schlubs taste at one point or another. In Woody’s case, all hope was lost after he met Diane Keaton. My dad married a shiksa, and now I’m the official black sheep at all family gatherings – formal and otherwise. Look: it’s not some weird Freudian psyche thing where we all secretly want to sleep with Marilyn Monroe; we just like foresaking a millennia of tradition in order to get laid. WASP girls, Catholic girls, Latinas; is there truly anything wrong with having an active sex life? Do you know what my parents did to me? I’m surprised I’m not a serial killer. That’s what my analyst says, anyway.
Finnerty's Irish Pub
221 2nd Avenue, New York, NY 10003
Hone those shiksa pick-up techniques at the one-stop option for NYU girls. Yeah, they’re giggly and boring – but it’s either this or you gotta go all the way uptown to Columbia, bluff your way into a frat house, and then pretend you actually know something about Bette Page and foreign policy just so you can get to the inside of some chick’s dorm room. And then all she’ll want to do is make-out? Puh-lease; so pedestrian.
Hone those shiksa pick-up techniques at the one-stop option for NYU girls. Yeah, they’re giggly and boring – but it’s either this or you gotta go all the way uptown to Columbia, bluff your way into a frat house, and then pretend you actually know something about Bette Page and foreign policy just so you can get to the inside of some chick’s dorm room. And then all she’ll want to do is make-out? Puh-lease; so pedestrian.
“I dunno, I think it kind of looks like a duck – what about you?”
Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum
1071 5th Ave, Manhattan, NY 10128
The Guggenheim is every modern art lover’s dream. Take a date there and muse on abstract expressionism. Question the aesthetic detail in the work of Frank Gehry. Complain about why the museum’s restaurant serves only Italian espresso. Did you know that the Italians were allied with the Germans during World War II? And who did the Germans obliterate? The Jews. Pure anti-Semitism – and now I’m supposed to appreciate art? Why don’t we just get on a plane and fly to Vietnam; ask them what they think of the new Rolling Stones record. Why are you laughing? Oh, you think this is hilarious?
The Guggenheim is every modern art lover’s dream. Take a date there and muse on abstract expressionism. Question the aesthetic detail in the work of Frank Gehry. Complain about why the museum’s restaurant serves only Italian espresso. Did you know that the Italians were allied with the Germans during World War II? And who did the Germans obliterate? The Jews. Pure anti-Semitism – and now I’m supposed to appreciate art? Why don’t we just get on a plane and fly to Vietnam; ask them what they think of the new Rolling Stones record. Why are you laughing? Oh, you think this is hilarious?
Book Culture
536 West 112th Street New York, NY 10025
Honor your inner Marxist by hunting for manifestos at Book Culture, a Morningside Heights hub that offers an extensive collection of history and philosophy tomes. Every great sycophant needs to be an expert at something. What good is your existence if you can’t make everyone else you know feel like an idiot?
Riverside Park
Beautiful views of trees, the Hudson, and the respectable parts of New Jersey – you really can’t beat Riverside Park. It’s the only place in New York to fall in love, fall out of love, discuss your martial problems, read the new Philip Roth, or just watch the sunset.
Brought to you by Guidespot.com
Copyright 2008 - Local Matters Inc.
.jpg "The Best Female Haircuts of All Time")
.jpg "The Apocalypse: Who Ya Got?")
.jpg "New York City: Where Stars Are Born.")
.jpg "Top 10 Reasons I Should Stay In New York")
.jpg "Illadelph New York")
.jpg "2009 Predictions")
.jpg "mattfriedinNY")
.jpg "My Life In TV")
.jpg "10 Albums That Will Save A Teenage Loser's Life")
.jpg "The Yuppie Cesspools of New York City")
.jpg "Who Would You Rather See As President?")
.jpg "Reunite DAMMIT!")
.jpg "Happy Emo Thanksgiving")
.jpg)
