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10 Darn Good Reasons to Celebrate This Holiday Season
- by karey_ann
- -
- January 02, 2009
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Today I heard this radio pundit ask if there was anything to be merry about - he was of course referencing our country's little economic problema. It more than kinda pissed me off. I know some of us are struggling, but most of us are alright (even if some of us are partly- or mostly - unemployed). Said pundit implied that just because we may not be able to get that new Lexus for our partner, that life is dismal, vapid, and depressing. Au contrare, party-pooping pundit! We have plenty to celebrate: below are just a few reasons to party your ass off through January 1st, 2009! This holiday season, I plan to be grateful, cheerful, and half-drunk every gee darn minute!!
#1: Obama Elected President
You don’t have to be from Oakland to be excited about this recent and historic event. Our country came together to break through a barrier, a breakthrough that was considered unlikely and far-off at best.
We re-established the fact that we value intelligence, progressive thinking, and pronouncing it “new-clee-er”, not:
Which leads me seamlessly into reason #2 to celebrate this holiday season:
#2: No More of This Guy
Really. I mean it. No more. Don’t speak, don’t get in front of a camera, don’t add an arm to the Presidential library. Don’t try any AIDS education campaigns or anything else to try to make up for this – you’ll just mess it up and look even more pathetic. Just go hang out at the ranch, play golf, and don’t give up on those speech therapy sessions.
#3: Drinkin' Season
The one time of year that it is truly socially acceptable to be a lush.
Also the one time of year that everyone else is too busy drinking to bug me about my “potential problem”.
Ye Old Hut
5515 College Ave, Oakland, CA 94618
My favorite place for Frenet with a ginger back.
My favorite place for Frenet with a ginger back.
#5: Winter Weather Briefly Convinces Us We Were Wrong About Global Warming
So we can feel OK about . . .
#6: Christmas Trees!
And cutting them down for that perfectly holiday-ish interior decor.
Scout Christmas Tree Lot
Highland Way, Piedmont, CA 94620
Buy your tree in the ghetto!
Buy your tree in the ghetto!
It's A Celebration
#7: Trader Joe's
Trader Joes Store No 231
5727 College Ave, Oakland, CA 94618
God bless Trader Joe’s!
Didn’t make anything for Christmas dinner and need to look like you’ve made a contribution? Wine at Trader Joe’s!
Forgot to get your significant other that perfect gift? Nothing says, “I may love you” like a box of dark chocolate-covered pistachio brittle and a six pack of stout.
Late for that New Year’s party and didn’t get the hook-up? Several bottles of champagne purchased from Trader Joe’s and soon no one will remember that you didn’t come through!
Whatever the problem, Trader Joe’s is our simple and lovable solution. From procrastinators everywhere, “Thank you, TJ’s!!”
God bless Trader Joe’s!
Didn’t make anything for Christmas dinner and need to look like you’ve made a contribution? Wine at Trader Joe’s!
Forgot to get your significant other that perfect gift? Nothing says, “I may love you” like a box of dark chocolate-covered pistachio brittle and a six pack of stout.
Late for that New Year’s party and didn’t get the hook-up? Several bottles of champagne purchased from Trader Joe’s and soon no one will remember that you didn’t come through!
Whatever the problem, Trader Joe’s is our simple and lovable solution. From procrastinators everywhere, “Thank you, TJ’s!!”
#8: The Cold War Went Our Way
‘Cause Russian winters look coooooooooooollllllld! Plus, we don’t have to wear hats like this:
Whooo-hoooo!!
#9: Your Little Brother: the F-Up
He’s always there to take your family’s focus off of your potential shortcomings at family gatherings! Thanks, ’Lil Bro!
Tricks to Deal with Your Family Ths Holiday Season
My helpful guide – warning: includes frank discussion of alcohol consumption
#9: Your Local Tiki Bar
Conga Lounge
5422 College Ave, Oakland, CA 94618
A 14 ft x 14 ft hot, sweaty, Dub-steppin’ Tiki Paradise down the street. ‘Cause who doesn’t want a piece of Tiki in the middle of winter?
A 14 ft x 14 ft hot, sweaty, Dub-steppin’ Tiki Paradise down the street. ‘Cause who doesn’t want a piece of Tiki in the middle of winter?
Actual picture of the entire Conga Lounge
#10: Tweens Off The Street
What is that quiet sound? Oh it’s the sound of all girls aged 9 to 14 years either baracaded in their rooms chatting on-line or ensconced in a movie theater!!
What is the cause of this blessed silence, and the fact that Hot Topic stores are single-handedly rebounding the US economy?
Twilight, of course!
LET’S CELEBRATE!!
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I knew all of my drinking was justified. CHEERS TO THAT.!!!! WOOHOO!
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