Bourgeois Boozing

Draws like the woodsy whiskey bar Seven Grand are helping downtown up-and-comers justify the rent on their “lofts” a single malt at a time. Just tell them you moved in before 2001 and you’ll be golden.

A place like The Standard, a high rise downtown with a popular bar on the roof, is where the bourgeois go to indulge in all out debauchery. Don’t worry, no one will be able to tell you’re an imposter when you’re entangled with wannabe starlets in a cushy cabana by the pool.

At the height of the martini craze (can you believe you ever drank something called “Apple Pucker”?) Lola’s was the spot to get anything from Grey Goose shaken with ice to something vaguely purple with a flower floating in it (pomegranate? grape? who knows). Though that fad has passed (and with it wait times at the bar – unless someone orders a MOJITO [really? Mojito? Those things take like 10 minutes to make!]), Lola’s remains swank, pricey and packed to the gold leafed gills with shallow beautiful people who don’t know how to interact without alcohol. Hooray for (West) Hollywood!

Though it’s only a few blocks from some grungier hipster havens like The Red Lion and the Cha Cha, Edendale Grill is a world away from them in atmosphere. Moody but not too dim lighting, a long heavy bar and a crowd that traipses down from their mid-century homes in the Silverlake hills makes it likely that Edendale Grill will fufill your fancy quota for at least a week.

Try a flight of wines at this cozy and upscale wine bar/restaurant that hides in the shadows of the Beverly Center. Pretend to have any idea what the bartender means when she uses words like Bouquet and Legs and to believe her when she rattles off a list of “overtones” that sounds like the produce section at Whole Foods . This wine has a cabbage flavor? Really?

Whatever you do, don’t call this tucked away wine bar in Pasadena a BAR. It’s a Bistro. Please.

An up and coming bourgie hotspot, Life On Wilshire has happy hour specials on their Nicoise Salad (and other bourgie foodies – I mean, foods) to draw in the crowds that staff the surrounding office buildings…even though they’ll probably tell you they have a trust fund.

All fancied out? Tired of trying to talk to guys who won’t shut up about that fantastic vintage lamp that they claim to have found in an antique shop even though you have a suspicion that you saw the same thing at Design Within Reach when you kinda just want to make out? Down those last sips of Pinot and head over to Big Wangs where the beer is cheap, the greasy food is disgusting (and tasty) and the only thing the bros want to talk about is T&A! Now there are two things I can discuss intelligently…