According to Wikipedia (the 100% reliable guide to all things -pedia related): Ecotourism, also known as ecological tourism, is a form of tourism that appeals to ecologically and socially conscious individuals. Generally speaking, ecotourism focuses on volunteering, personal growth, and learning new ways to live on the planet; typically involving travel to destinations where flora, fauna, and cultural heritage are the primary attractions.
I hate flora, fauna, culture and other people, so this sounds completely boring to me. Let's throw caution to the wind and leave your Tevas at home: it's anti-ecotourism in the anti-(blank) capital of the world, Los Angeles!
Rent a Hummer Limo
The Hummer is the be all and end all of completely ridiculous vehicles. Not only does it go approximately 30 yards per $4 gallon of gas, it’s also preposterously expensive. This means less money spent on dumb things like organic hacky sacks and more money to the oil companies, who I’ve heard are in pretty bad shape.
But if you can’t afford to actually buy a Hummer (or even an H2), then why not rent a Hummer Limo. Like a Hummer, only MORE ridiculous! This vehicle gets about 8 miles to the gallon. Take it to a club and instruct the driver not to stop the engine, because you never know when you have to make a quick getaway for your next anti-environmental adventure.
A 24-passenger Hummer Limo here is only $139 per hour! That’s a steal considering how much pollution it emits…
A 24-passenger Hummer Limo here is only $139 per hour! That’s a steal considering how much pollution it emits…
Visit an Oil Refinery
According to the Port of Los Angeles website (way to keep up with the times, Port of Los Angeles!), Union Oil Co. has had a production operation at the port since 1909 when it constructed a pipeline to carry the crude oil it was drilling in Orange County up to the port so that it could peddle its wares to oil-hungry Angelenos at prices competitve with the more local operations of Standard Oil and Associated Oil. They’ve been stinking up San Pedro at berths 150 & 151 ever since. Hop in your SUV of choice and go take a whiff!
Normal household batteries – AA, AAA, C, etc – have all kinds of awesome chemicals in them that can pollute lakes and streams, burn skin and eyes, and corrode metals. The good news is, you can just throw them in the trash can and all those great things will leak into the groundwater. Yum.
According to a taste test, L.A.’s tap water tastes as good as the tap water in British Columbia. Seriously. Our water is as good as Canadian water. That is embarrassing!
Exploit a Migrant Worker
Since part of ecotourism is improving the lives and exploring the culture of the local people, I think it’s apt to exploit an immigrant for antieco reasons. Just stop in at the Home Depot and pay one of the guys standing around less than minimum wage to do hard labor. Better yet, promise to pay them but don’t. That way you don’t improve their lives at all, you just waste their time.
I shower in the mornings and I’m really lazy, so I usually only have about 10 minutes to spend in there if I want to be at work on time (I don’t always want to be at work on time). But I know people (every roommate I’ve ever had, for instance) have the capacity to spend hours in the shower. I don’t know what they’re doing in there, but I do know that they’re wasting tons of water and more than likely wasting gas too, because that’s how the water is heated.
Oh wait, I know what they’re probably doing in there. Gross.
Start a Forest Fire
It’s only a quick jaunt from Los Angeles up into the San Gabriel Mountains. Head up there with nothing but a car that runs over things and a carton of Marlboros. Drive with your windows down and flick your ashes out the window at every opportunity. Your bound to burn down something. Remember, forest fires aren’t just bad for the forest, they also cause massive pollution! Two birds with one cigarette!
I think that Smokey the Bear has been starting forest fires just to get attention.
Don't Recycle
It’s a pain in the ass. I mean, when I drain a bottle of Merlot, the last thing I want to do is make sure it ends up in the right can. Don’t bother. Convince your friends it’s a bad idea, too. Peer pressure is the best.
If this creepy video doesn’t convince that recycling is uncool, nothing will.
Move to L.A.
Spend money, time and gas driving across the country to L.A. to be an actor or a writer or a producer or whatever. Then spend every day driving from your studio apartment in Sherman Oaks to your assistant job in Santa Monica, preferably at rush hour. Pollute the air, contribute to traffic and piss me off.
Take Separate Cars
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