Bay Area Airport Tips

BART Newbies: Don't forget to put your ticket in on the way out too!

You won’t look cool standing there with your neck pillow and backpack fumbling around for your missing ticket.

Finally, an excuse to wear sunglasses at night.

Jump in the "Expert Traveler" line.

I almost don’t want to give this secret away! But since my mom is probably the only person who will read this, here I go: The Expert Traveler line is just like any other line, except with no people in it. Rejoice, for you can use it to buy yourself an extra 30 minutes of sitting in the coin-operated massage chair outside of the airport Sharper Image.

Watch your bags.

Be patient with slow starts.

There’s got to be some reason the pilots take so long to get moving. Since every good Taoist-Workaholic understands that the amount of time in a day cannot be changed, we instead must decide to use it wisely…By playing 17 games of sudoku.

Skip the muscle relaxant.

You don’t want to be that guy that delays the plane! I just LOVE starting a plane-wide “boooo” for the latecomers!

Don't accept flowers from this guy.

His spirit will come trying to collect money in each coming reincarnation.

CONSIDER A SHUTTLE

I guess the ones in San Francisco don’t come with wings. Harrumph.

Remember: You're not cute anymore when luggage weighs more than you do.

Don't forget your finger toothbrush!

Imagine the reaction of your aisle-mates as you whip out your hot new beauty product.

Bring your finest sleeping gear.

This is esepcially useful for when you get stuck next to a big talker. “Oops! Sorry, can’t hear you with my Hello Kitty earplugs in!”

Don't forget your socks!

I believe that every airline and every bowling alley should have a sock vending machine.