Vampire Living in NYC

When it comes to the tools of your trade, you can’t be stingy. Go straight to one of the highest rated cosmetic dentists in the city to have your pearly whites cleaned or sharpened. Blood can stain your charming grin over time; why not consider whitening? In-house whitening is available for only $299.

When it comes to furnishing one’s home, it may be dark and it it may be private, but Ikea simply will not do. You’ve got to have plenty of rich fabrics, uncomfortable armchairs and settees, and candle lanterns. Be the envy of your friends. And if you’ve killed them all, well at least appreciate that one’s home is one’s sanctuary.

You’ll get a good laugh and maybe an accessory or two from Gothic Renaissance downtown. Most of what they offer could be described as cheap or Halloween-y, but if you do some serious sifting, there are some diamonds in the rough.

If you’re feeling displaced or homesick, it might help to pay a visit the Metropolitan chapter of the Victorian Society in America’s lecture series. The catch? This series is hosted by the New Church. Just sit in the back in case someone comes at you with a cross and you need to make a swift exit. (And stay away from holy water of course.)

Underground the subway station has many of the city’s finest rats to offer up a snack in between meals. The park is just across the street and in addition to rats has plenty of squirrels and birds, making Columbus Circle an ideal place to stop midday.

Truly a feast for the senses, this “dark dining” eatery down on MacDougal Street is one public space you’re sure to feel comfortable frequenting. Guests are served blindfolds before drinks and appetizers.

If you find yourself in the borough of Brooklyn and in need of a re-charge, the nearest New York Blood Center location in Kings County is the obvious choice.

Although you are robbing others of a blood reserve, going this route saves you from having to take an innocent life directly and arousing any suspicion. And if you’re in the mood to give back…well you know where to go.

With all of the hype surrounding Marquee, even your steely gaze and sleek fashion sense won’t necessarily win the bouncers over.

The inside is not your scene anyhow. What’s the point of waiting?

First off, garlic is thine enemy. (This isn’t news to you. From the first time you stepped foot in an Italian eatery you knew that something didn’t quite jive. It doesn’t get any easier with time, either.) Second, this joint is incredibly inconsistent with their slice. For the upscale neighborhood, Garlic Bob’s just doesn’t cut it.

Leave vanity to *man*kind. The last place you’d want to get caught is New York Glass and Mirrors Inc. Not only will you not be able to see your own reflection, you’ll probably emerge with a terrible headache. No need to worry, vampires are always dashingly good looking.

You’ll probably survive a trip to Silver Goddess jewelry store on Elizabeth, but don’t torture yourself, this isn’t your metal.

You will need to be vigilant about keeping sunlight out of your dwelling place. Swing by Tribeca Shade and Blind for some serious window treatments.