Phase 1: Too Tired to Get Off the Couch

Eyes half open, limbs limp as though unconscious, sometimes I am so tired I couldn’t get up off the couch if I wanted to. Even the “push the arrows on the remote” move seems too high-effort.

Watch the Same Movie Every Night Until It's Been Memorized

I think I have a few movies where I can pretty much recite them as the scenes show up on the screen. Like I said, sometimes it’s just too much effort to change the channel.

A film that tends towards darker shades of color makes it a bit easier to fall into a doze. Of course, it’s all about what’s enjoyable.

Personal favorites:
Fight Club
Donnie Darko

Start a "Worst of Television" Game

The game could really be on anything, my game is “worst ever sci-fi movies on the Sci-fi Channel.” Simply pick a topic and run with it over the months and years. Build a mental list of the movies or shows that are simply monstrous. The only rule is, unless you’re doing a game about the worst spoofs around, the show has to actually take itself seriously.

First Place: Leviathan (1989)
I don’t know why I watched this, other than it was about 2 a.m.

Second Place: Locusts: The 8th Plague (2005)
Involves giant mutant genetically engineered locusts that eat people, but not people that eat only organic food, because the locusts need chemicals; they’re mutants you know. The only way to kill them? Organic pesticides. Ones with chemicals just make them stronger.
I wish I was kidding, they really made a movie like that.

Television series winner: Lexx
I don’t want to talk about it.

I also have “Worst of the Infomercials” game running. Turns out even the
half-hour Magic Bullet blender special is watchable at 4:30 a.m.

Have a Movie Marathon

Pick a movie theme. Rent a whole bundle of DVDs that follow it. Watch them back-to-back. This works best if you have a multiple-DVD player, so you can just cycle through the films without getting up.

Hint: The Sleep Timer is Fantastic

I hate wasting electricity, it makes me feel guilty and I have to pay the bill. To help assuage this guilt just a little, I like to set the sleep timer on my television. Then even if I fall asleep on the couch, after an hour or two the tv turns itself off.

Start Prepared

Since I know that I often don’t sleep well, I try to keep my place stocked with things that might help me sleep a little easier.

Advil Liqui-Gels

Lack of sleep gives me a persistent headache. Advil Liqui-Gels are the best for keeping it under control.

Hint: Good Late Night Snacks

If it’s looking like an all-nighter, I usually end up getting a light meal at some point. I figure it’s like an early breakfast, since that’s not a meal I’d normally eat. Here are a few ideas of what to eat that won’t explode your waistline.

Cereal with skim milk (or light soy milk – my favorite)
Low fat popcorn (try the 100 calorie bags)
Low fat yogurt

Phase 2: Hyperactive Hour

After an hour or two trying to sleep, I usually get an energy rush. The only person who probably minds is the guy who lives downstairs, who probably hates me anyways. Already the pipe in my bathtub had a leak and flooded your living room, though that wasn’t my fault (really, it wasn’t). If you’re reading this – I’m sorry.

Clean a Whole Room

This only works ‘cause there is nobody to wake up. I’ll scour a room top-to-bottom, though the chemicals in the cleaners usually just add a headache to the mess.

Organize

I have a lot of books. I’ll take them all down and put them into a new ordering system. No longer are pre-1800 books alphabetical, now they’re organized by date of author’s birth, or by subject, or one of any number of other ways.

This is also a perfect time to file old documents, bills, receipts or whatever else is floating around.

Phase 3: Stationary Activities

Not full of energy but still too awake to sleep? Here are some less active pursuits.

Learn to Knit

Knitting is a great activity for my late nights. It keeps my hands doing something (I’m a bit fidgety at times) but doesn’t keep me so active that I can’t sleep. Especially now that I can do basic work without watching what I’m doing, I can knit while reading or watching a movie.

What do I do with two dozen handmade scarves? I give them to friends or donate them to charities, such as women’s shelters.

Try Calligraphy

I enjoy the fine detail required and combination of freedom and structure that come through calligraphy. At night when it’s quiet is the perfect time to focus on getting the lines of my newest font just right.

Read That One Book

Everybody has a book they’re always meant to finish. Mine’s Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. I’ve never gotten past page 50. Unfortunately, I tend to pick up fluffier fiction late at night, but I make a token late-night attempt at this book at least once a month.

Late Night Dial

Similar to the drunk dial, the late night dial is something I occasionally find myself doing completely spontaneously; generally to people who I know will be awake anyways. The upside of the late night dial is you’ll know what you said the next day, the downside is that you can’t use a booze-riddled mind as an excuse for whatever comes out of your mouth.

Write Guides

Occasionally, I get good ideas when I can’t sleep. As I’m writing this, for example.

Next Morning Preparation

With luck, I fall asleep a few hours before the alarm is set to ring. Typical alarm clocks don’t work. I turn them off without ever really waking up.

Cell Phone

Oddly, the alarm on my phone is the only thing that makes me get up. Why?

1) The button on the side that I always accidentally push turns on the snooze instead of turning the alarm off. It goes off five minutes later.

2) The alarm ringtones are high-pitched enough to hurt my ears.

3) I can set multiple alarms. After it ringing its annoying tones every 2-3 minutes for a while, I get so irritated I have to wake up enough to turn it off.

New Hotness: Cell Phone Wine Glass Alarm

I got this tip from someone. Break the stem off a wine glass. Put your cell phone (alarm on!) into the bowl. The glass will amplify the sound.

I think this works because now not only are you trying to turn off your alarm, you’re trying to avoid the sharp broken glass stem. Pain is definitely good for raising the endorpin levels and giving a jump start to the day, but that is not how I want to wake up.

Hint: Buy a Damn Good Alarm Clock

Here are some weird ones: Wake Up! Wake Up! Alarm Clocks That Do the Trick

Caffeine

Say what you will, I know that my little caffeine problem isn’t what’s keeping me up at night. Sure keeps me going in the day though. I prefer Diet Pepsi Max for its double caffeine dose, office coffee because it’s free and lattes, though those cost a pretty penny.