Whether you believe in God or Bob Ross, someone took the time to mix those colors on their palette and meant for us to walk around in the shade we were dealt. I am one of those. When I went to Beach Bum Tanning, I had the goal of maintaining a pale pink, freckled “funburn” that I had developed over the Fourth of July. Well what I got for my $26 and seven minutes of UVB heaven was a fuschia nightmare. Really, someone who looks as though they could hop right into the cast of Riverdance has no business in a tanning salon in the first place, and the very helpful woman at the counter did tell me that it would take at least three visits to achieve the desired effect. I recommend the spray-on variety for those a whiter shade of pale.