"You've Ruined Christmas!"

by elijay
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January 05, 2009
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So I don't mean to be a grinch or anything, but sometimes the most wonderful time of the year can kind of suck. Maybe the dog eats the scarf you knitted for grandma on Christmas Eve, and all you can find to give her is a half-eaten Whitman's Sampler. Or maybe your mom burns the turkey and you have to run out to Boston Market in a snow storm to buy six family meals. Or maybe Santa misreads your handwriting and brings you a guppy instead of a puppy. So unless you've blocked out your least-happy holiday memory, let's hear it!

Jewish Christmas

In case you didn’t know, Jewish Christmas usually consists of going out for Chinese food and going to the movies. Last year, I took part in this time-honored tradition, but I didn’t have the experience I was hoping for. We decided to try a new restaurant on Christmas and it was far from tasty— plus, the waiter was totally surly. What happened to the holiday spirit?

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"The Holiday"

A couple years ago some friends and I decided to spend Christmas Day together and see a movie. I wanted to see “Marie Antoinette” at a second-run theater, but for some reason or another we ended up seeing “The Holiday” instead. How this happened, I’m not really sure. But let me tell you, the last thing you need during the holidays is a movie reminding you that you’re single.

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Umm... Where's My Present?

So last night at our family holiday get-together we were supposed to exchange presents secret Santa style— that way nobody feels obliged to buy 25 presents. And this is all well and good, unless your secret Santa forgets to give you something! Yes, I was forgotten. And to make matters worse, I got the backup gift the hostess had bought just in case someone forget to bring a present. I got the pity gift!!! SO sad.

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Let me count the ways...

So, people in my extended family actually say the words, “You’ve ruined Christmas!” Sometimes it’s actually true, like when a cousin beats up a littler cousin or someone spills their grape Faygo all over the carpet or something inevitably gets broken. I can’t remember if I ever ruined it, but it’s one of our many inside jokes each year, predicting who will be the lucky one to ruin Christmas.
Oh wait, my cousin and sort of ruined Christmas this year by talking too loudly during Bingo, which requires reverent silence of course.

added by aliciak 12/27/2008

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: by shawna 12/22/2008 Reply

I am always the one who has the secret Santa who forgot. Try this next time: everyone brings a generic gift and you do the circle present thing. If you brought a gift you get to join in if you didn’t you sit and watch.

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About The Author

elijay

The SFV, Los Angeles

Likes: sweet pickles, English Bulldog puppies, jukeboxes, bicycles, and wheat beer. Dislikes: traffic jams, people who talk during yoga classes, murky swimming pools, excessively sweet frosting, and surly librarians.