Your FAIL! Moments

My 25th Birthday in Vegas FAIL

Don’t get the wrong idea about me; I’ve mellowed with age. but years ago for my 25th Birthday, I went to Las Vegas with my two best friends from college who also had birthdays around the same time.

Hmmmm. Well after four days full of craziness that I won’t mention here, I landed back at a San Francisco clinic with what I thought was the worst flu I had ever had – my roommates finally took me in after I started hallucinating and couldn’t hold down food.

I thought I might get some fluids or something, instead I got rushed to the emergency room with a quarantine mask on my face – a suspicious rash on my hands lead the doctor to believe that I had spinal meningitis and that I might die within a matter of hours.

A spinal tap (professionally known as a lumbar punture) proved that I was not imminently dying.

The suspicious rash? Turned out that it was a citrus burn FROM CUTTING LIMES FOR MY COCKTAIL BY THE POOL. Sun + lime juice = a burn that, funnily enough, looks just like the thousands of ruptured capillaries that occur in your hands when you’ve contracted a disease that kills you within hours.

Let’s review:

25th Birthday: FAIL
Lime burns mistaken for spinal meningitis: FAIL
NO HEALTH INSURANCE: FAIL
Doctor taking out twice as much spinal fluid during the procedure as he was supposed to and not being able to sit up for 3 months: FAIL, FAIL, FAIL

So you know Will-I-Am….the funky looking, rapper from The Blackeyed Peas? Yes, him. At one point of my life in Los Angeles, I got a call for a “really important audition.” Closed call, set up by my agent. It was for Will-I-Ams new tour, he was seeking three backup singers that could sing and dance. OH, I’M SO IN…..or so I thought. I was told to dress “Fergie-esque” so I did, wore my funky Fergie, slightly more clothed, outfit and was feeling good. Until I walked into a room full of women in their underwear, literally. I looked like I was 150. But hey, I could still redeem myself I had yet to sing. When the time came myself and two other girls walked into the room, microphone in hand ready to perform for Will, sitting at a table 2 feet ahead of us. It started off well, UNTIL, I had to do a turn around the Mic stand, and one girl went the wrong direction…..COLLISION!!!! BANG, SMACK, BANG, I mean our collision and my tripping over the stand was LOUD. Not only that, the mic FLEW OUT OF THE MIC STAND. Will covered his face and starting dying laughing as the microphone rolled under the table and landed at his feet…….I was an elephant making a ridiculous scene.

Needless to say, I didn’t get the gig.

Back when I was an incredibly naive college student, I packed the back seat of my car full of wrapped Christmas gifts and threw my purse/wallet/checkbook in the trunk of my car and parked it. Near Fenway Park. And I was devastated the next morning when e-v-e-r-y thing was gone. Um. Duh?!

I Drove A Golf Cart Onto Some Sand & Got It Stuck

We thought we were so awesome, sneaking out of the house and driving around golf carts on our high school spring break. No one told me that you can’t drive them onto the beach, though…

We had to call the estate manager to come rescue us, exposing our wild teenage adventure.