Your {expletive} Day in New York City

What a perfect way to start your much, much better day in New York City. This Upper West Side eatery specializes in breakfast, and you can get your day started as early as 8 a.m. Their pancakes are sure to make you forget that yesterday ever happened, and if yesterday involved copious amounts of alcohol, all the better. These cakes – or even their grits – are sure to soak it all up with syrupy goodness. My friend, Shanna and I have rolled into Good Enough to Eat more than once in less than presentable garbs and unreasonably large sunglasses just to get our day started out right. Did it matter that we sat by a celebrity couple while cackling in our unabashed filth? Not particularly.

Sure, there are plenty of posh places in New York City to get your nails done, but where can you get a manicure-pedicure without spending a small fortune or risking “chippage” in a strong headwind?

The Nail Terrace on Ninth avenue is the in-between. The place is sanitary, the color selection is impressive, and they don’t use recycled hotel lotion on your hands and feet. Plus, I think I had my longest-lasting manicure of all time from this place, and I think I even dug some ditches that week.

Behold the wonders of bargain basement shopping in New York City. Rather than make the trek all the way down to Century 21 for some retail therapy, why not duck into Daffy’s and sift through their massive selection of designer duds, lingerie, shoes, and housing goods? I recommend avoiding peak shopping hours which are typically after a work day. Try to get into Daffy’s in the late morning before noon to avoid long lines for the fitting rooms. I have an amazing Patrizia Pepe jacket from Daffy’s that makes even the shabbiest ensemble look like a million bucks.

Puppies. It’s almost impossible not to smile when you’re holding a fluffy, loving, full-of-spastic energy baby dog. American Kennels is one of the few places in Manhattan that sell dogs and seem to do business pretty humanely. Because, of course, seeing animals treated any differently is cause for dismay all over again, and that’s not on today’s itinerary.

The adult in you might judge, but the child smiling sheepishly within is begging you to go bowling at Chelsea Piers. And the great thing about the Piers is that you aren’t limited to just one sport; you can go ice skating, swing some golf clubs, shoot some hoops, or do some laps in the pool. There are also some excellent piers nearby to go out and lounge on afterward and unwind from all of your physical exertion.

Take a boat out on the water and row your cares away. It may not be the Thames, but it it’ll only cost you $10 for the first hour with a $30 deposit. It’s a completely different way to see Central Park and to connect with the City. After relinquishing your oars, stop into the Boathouse Cafe for a drink or a light meal and watch the sun sink over the Manhattan skyline.

When you want to laugh and get pelted with show tune after show tune while getting pleasantly buzzed, The Duplex down on Christopher Street is just the place. The bartenders/performers and the locals will sass and seduce you enough to keep you coming back. And honey, these folks know what you went through yesterday. Sing it out.

Yes, I had a prisoner of war flashback from another life while under the damp towel at the Dorit Baxter Spa. It was mortifying and inexplicable, and I’ve had to let a bit of time pass before going back. But for those of you for whom lying on tables with lovely scents, sounds and a tropical humidity ensconcing you does not trigger panic, I highly recommend this spa. Not only is it conveniently located in Midtown – perfect for a lunchtime facial or 30 minute massage after work – the people here are able to deal with any disaster, large or small, from unwanted blackheads to bizarro clients such as yours truly. I had the European facial which included an amazing face, neck and shoulder massage. I also felt compelled to purchase the spa’s own moisturizer and mask before I tucked my tail between my legs and scurried out. A treatment at Dorit Baxter will definitely leave normal folk feeling relaxed and rejuvenated for at least the next 24 hours.

Oh man. Just…really…good…sandwiches. Do you enjoy curried chicken? They’ve got it. Do you dream of turkey and avocado on thick focaccia bread, paired with a mint tea or flavored coffee? Perhaps an old-fashion soda or sparkling fruit beverage is more your speed? Well Bread Soul has all of the above in halves and wholes, combined with soup, and in addition to dozens of tasty deserts. Since there’s no seating in the store, I like to take my sandwich from Bread Soul behind the movie theater and sit on a bench in the small courtyard park. Sometimes I even sneak a half of a sandwich into the movie theater. (What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right?)

I go to Elena. I brought in a picture of Faye Dunaway in Bonnie and Clyde and Elena replicated the ‘do to perfection. I also brought Elena my now-ex-boyfriend, sporting a caveman coif and she was able to restore him to a state of respectability that took months of negligence to undo, and less than an hour to regain. This is the type of place that’s intimate enough to create the illusion that everyone who’s working at the Timothy John Salon actually loves their job. You’ll get your little hairs trimmed or highlighted by some very attractive and capable stylists among Broadway performers and crazy Hell’s Kitchen locals with their dogs in tow (literally) in baby carriages. This is truly a New York experience.

Escape into another world in New York City. The Botanical Gardens in The Bronx and in Brooklyn are one way to kiss residual negativity goodbye in an aromatic and visually-stimulating setting.

The Southerly City option for those who wish to get lost in urban flora.

A trip to the little pie company will give you a smile that you’ll frankly have trouble wiping off of your face when a cab cuts you off mid-crosswalk. Their Sour Cream Apple Walnut is the one that beckons me the most.

When I used to live down on John Street, I would hang out on the docks at South Street Seaport to relax. The shopping center offers up a unique way to window shop in the City. And yes, I’d imagine myself to be Diane Keaton in Annie Hall, of course.