Your Biggest Lies, Fibs and Falsehoods

I LOVE pets

This is not true by any stretch of the imagination! I love children, I hate pets. Hate them to the extent that I wouldn’t regularly feed them or care for their well-being whatsoever. YOU want ME to take you out to go to bathroom? Um, do it yourself—I do! 
In college, I was interviewed by a professor for a combination house/pet/kid-sitting job during spring break. They had 3 dogs, 2 cats and 6 new puppies. When asked if I liked pets: Like? I LOVE pets! Hahahaha. What can I say, I couldn’t say no to an opportunity for staying in a cabin in the woods for a week and having access to a car. 

I no speaka da Eeengleesh!

I used to pretend to be a recent Russian immigrant every time Jehovah’s Witnesses would stop by our house. I have a Russian accent down pat, and would just stare at them with wide eyes before saying “No… English?”. And they would ask where I was from, and I’d say “Aye…. Ahnna. From… Resha”. The only drawback is the JW’s have an immense pool of translators to choose from, so they’d come back a week later and ask my mother if they could talk to the sweet Russian that had been at the door.

It's not mine!

I was a brilliant kid from the get-go. In 4th grade, I sneezed and walked over to the classroom tissue box. Standing there, a classmate pointed at my shirt and said, “what’s that?” What WAS it? A huge booger! My brilliant retort? “It’s not mine!” Dignity saved…or so I thought at the time. 

"Student" Discounts

I blame Smith College, first off. My alma mater didn’t put an expiration date on my student ID! Or a birth date, etc. And thus, as long as I resemble my co-ed self, that thing gets me discounts at places like Pearl, museums and too many venues to count. Seriously, would you lay a college ID to rest if it keeps on giving?

"Like...12?"

I personally think it’s out of line for my ob/gyn to be asking about my number of partners, anyway.

When I was 8.....

and I had an ongoing lie that my “cousin” swam with dolphins and whales at Sea World.