Your best meal of the entire week: where to get brunch in San Francisco

Stand in line for forty-five minutes with the other hipsters that emerge from underneath a clutter of Colt 45 bottles on Saturday morning to eat their vegan polenta at Boogaloo’s. I literally have eaten everything on their menu and have yet to find a better grilled cheese sandwich in San Francisco. I am a big fan of this place, and I am an even bigger fan of their $3 mimosas. It’s a great place for eating outside on a warm day, as their outdoor seating wraps around 22nd Street onto Valencia, and there is some great people watching in the gentrified half of the Mission (ie the half that I do not live in). This place has the best vegetarian gravy I’ve ever tasted. Beautiful green vegetarian gravy with scallions, poured over a warm, delicious biscuit. Mmm Boogaloo’s breakfast: delicious.

Sandwich. One word. Two syllables. Sandwich. I love the incredibly expensive sandwiches at Tartine more than I can express. Actually, I pretty much just love everything at this delicious bakery. But their sandwiches (can we return to the exciting topic of sandwiches please) are really top notch. Back when I ate meat, I was pretty obsessed with their prosciutto and pastrami sandwich on rye. Now that I am veggie, I get their croque monsieur minus the ham (delish sundried tomatoes on top), or their Three Cheese Tasting sandwich with mouth watering Bellwether farms jersey carmody, straus cheddar, and idiazabal. For $3 you can add an organic greens salad with lemon shallot vinaigrette.

I have yet to eat a better vegetarian burger than at Pork Store Cafe. I don’t know what kind of drugs that put in the lentils, but their burger is absolutely delicious. I get mine California style, with sprouts and avocado. It comes with fries if you’re feeling frisky or a salad if you wanna watch your carbs. I love how cheesy and delicious it is, and how afterwards you don’t feel gross like you do after eating a quarter pounder. The service is prompt and the place is no frills and totally great for groups of friends. There are two locations in SF, and I’ve been to both, though I much prefer the location in the Mission, on 16th between Valencia and Guerrero. Remember to order a giant mimosa. They’re huge and cheap, double plus.

Bluejay Cafe is an adorable, demure place where they serve food like meatloaf. It’s in the Western Addition and boy is it tasty central. The Western Addition is such a weird little neighborhood that no one really knows or cares about. I used to live in the West Addy but I hated it and moved to the sunnier, more happening Mission. But I’ll return to the West Addy for one thing and only one thing: eggs at Bluejay Cafe. It’s not amazing – I mean, this is traditional boring American food, there’s chicken like all over the menu – but it’s cute, and it’s homey, and completely down to earth. The cornbread = major plus. Just remember to go jogging afterwards because with all the gravy they put on everything, you will find yourself in an early grave.

I really appreciate the patio at Zazie. I really do. Thank you Zazie and your patio. That said, come here for the cute crowd, nice service, and the quiet peace of Cole Valley on a weekend. I mean, people in the Mission will punch you with their elbows and claw past you to get across the street. People in Cole Valley are so nice. And quiet. And dull. But hey, the food is amazing. Their whole roasted garlic that comes on the side with your hollandaise sauce is the size of a baby potato. And they have challah french toast, which is great because I haven’t had that since living in New York. This is a place that totally excels in sweet breakfast food. Pancakes, french toast, coffee cake, the works. I am usually not a fan of sweet stuff in the morning but damn is it good at Zazie.

My Dottie’s story goes like this. I came here with friends after staying up all night, and ate a ton of something that was probably greasy and awful for me. I don’t remember. Anyway, when I woke up later that afternoon, at around 4PM, I discovered about 15 packets of tiny, individually packaged Welch’s jams in my purse. Like WTF?? Then I noticed a card in my purse that said Dottie’s True Blue Cafe. So I came here sober the following weekend, and OMG. I was blown away. The wait is huge but everything here is made with just an extra sprinkle of love. Including their amazing smoked trout scramble. And jalapeno cornbread. But you know what really kills it is the Open Road combo. Juice, 2 pancakes, bacon, eggs, and potatoes, all for under $13. So much food you can’t even walk afterwards. The best.

Chloe’s might be my absolute favorite brunch in San Francisco. Their eggs are so good, so deliciously fluffy, that whenever I tell myself, “Next time I come here, I’m ordering the brie and tomato croissant,” or “I’ve heard great things about the pancakes, so maybe I”ll try that out next week," except the following week when I arrive, I inevitably get more eggs. The greatest thing is that you can substitute fresh fruit for potatoes, for those on the more conscious side of life. Their Jarlsberg cheese omelettes are to-die-for. This place is so cute and old school, they even have sugar cubes instead of sugar packets, for your coffee needs. The coffee is strong strong strong just for your hangover needs, plus their orange juice is delicious and comes with a strawberry garnish. Did I mention their strawberries are amazing? They always have the freshest raw fruit. Yummy yummy.

Mama’s is often called the best brunch in SF, so you should probably avoid going there on a weekend because you will be waiting in line for hours and hours. And for good cause, because the food here is really pretty scrumptious. There is a line even on a weekday, so be prepared, but it will be much shorter on a Wednesday morning than on noon on a Sunday. Just warning ya. So if you come to Mama’s, and you get a table, breathe your sigh of relief and make it an occasion. The service is impeccable and you will rarely have a cup of coffee more than half done before it’s refilled. The jam is delicious – I smother their blackberry jam on everything when I go. Get the French toast or egg’s benedict. You won’t be disappointed.

Oysters. What a more luxurious way of starting a sunny San Francisco Saturday than eating a dozen Hog’s Farm oysters smothered in lemon juice? Just know that in order to get into Foreign Cinema for brunch, you need to call and make a reservation. Their waits are known to go beyond the two hour mark because people make reservations well in advance to get lavender scented pork chops or dungeness crab croque monsieurs or a proper fish fry with scallops, hama hama oysters, wild arugula and aioli. And with all brunch options more or less under $15, this is a way to eat a gourmet meal for less than the Foreign Cinema dinner prices. Score!

I love this place but after I go here, I need to promptly go home and nap for about six hours because you WILL get drunk. 5 words: ALL YOU CAN DRINK MIMOSAS. Only $6. Coming here is like transporting yourself to a cheesy Miami club, where all the lights are purple and they play Elton John techno remixes on a loud LOUD soundsystem. And it’s like 11 AM on a Sunday. This is the campiest brunch place I know and it’s the place I always take my friends who visit from LA. I’m like “See?? See?? San Francisco IS cool. You can drink before noon and the waiters are cute and, OMG, isn’t this totally like Sex and the City, except we’re in SF and not New York?” I don’t remember what the food is like here, because if I’m drinking bottomless mimosas you bet your hat I’m gonna black out like there’s no tomorrow. Oh the joys of being completely irresponsible.

Mac and cheese. Two words. Mac and cheese. What more do you need? I puked my Mac and cheese up the last time I came here, because I was still super drunk, but it was good. I come here for quick and efficient comfort food that gets the job done (ie comforts me) and for the ambiance. It’s big, loud, and super gay (nestled in the Castro) and that is an equation that is always perfectly A-OK with me. I vaguely remember ordering a sangria and that it was good. I don’t remember much else. I’ll still come back here though.