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The Seven Worst Places to Break Up in Seattle
- by improbable
- -
- October 29, 2008
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First date guides are a dime a dozen. Last date guides are harder to find. Here's where not to have your last date.
Breakups are like band-aids. Sometimes you need to peel them off slowly, and sometimes quick and painful is the way to go.
That’s not to say that you can’t lessen the sting with just a modicum of planning. Here are seven places in Seattle where you should absolutely, positively not break up. Save it for Christmas dinner with the family.
1. The Aurora Bridge
The Aurora Bridge
At Adobe you don’t want the window office.
Aurora Bridge
3400 AURORA AVE N, SEATTLE, WA 98103
The Aurora Bridge (official name: George Washington Memorial Bridge) runs north-south between Fremont and Queen Anne. From its pedestrian walkway, high above Lake Union, there are spectacular views of sunrises and sunsets. It is also the second most popular bridge in the US for suicides (behind the Golden Gate), with over 230 successful leaps at the time of this guide’s writing. Jumpers usually land in the water, but sometimes they land in the parking lot of the software giant Adobe. There are more thoughtful places to make your sweetie very sad.
Aurora Bridge (Wikipedia)
“Force at impact is about 28,000 foot-pounds, equivalent in energy to being blasted by 20 30-30 Winchester rifles from a distance of 180 feet.”
2. The Herb Farm
A dinner that will be remembered forever
Herb Farm
Bothell, WA 98028
The Herb Farm is located in beautiful Woodinville, half an hour from downtown Seattle. It is the finest restaurant in the entire Seattle metropolitan area, serving a set nine-course dinner each night at a single seating. Their website recommends 4-5 hours for dinner, so if you do decide to break it off here, you should probably save the news for the dessert course. At least the wine is all-you-can-drink.
The Herb Farm is located in beautiful Woodinville, half an hour from downtown Seattle. It is the finest restaurant in the entire Seattle metropolitan area, serving a set nine-course dinner each night at a single seating. Their website recommends 4-5 hours for dinner, so if you do decide to break it off here, you should probably save the news for the dessert course. At least the wine is all-you-can-drink.
3. Sunday night Compline at St. Mark's Cathedral
Hear the Office of Compline at St. Mark’s Cathedral
St Mark's Episcopal Cathedral
1245 10th Ave E, Seattle, WA 98102
On Sunday evenings at 9:30pm, the monks of St. Mark’s chant the Office of Compline. Those in the know will bring blankets or pillows to curl up on the floor for the half hour service. The weekly chant is open to all to hear, though attendees are requested to refrain from talking, texting, beeping, ringing, and weeping openly over what could have been.
On Sunday evenings at 9:30pm, the monks of St. Mark’s chant the Office of Compline. Those in the know will bring blankets or pillows to curl up on the floor for the half hour service. The weekly chant is open to all to hear, though attendees are requested to refrain from talking, texting, beeping, ringing, and weeping openly over what could have been.
4. Laughing Buddha Tattoo and Body Piercing
Better hope the next Claudia you meet likes you more.
Laughing Buddha Tattoo & Body Piercing
219 Broadway E, Seattle, WA 98102
Laughing Buddha is Seattle’s top tattoo, body piercing, and body modification joint. If you don’t like the way your body looks, whether you want to put something in, pull something out, or move something around, these folks can probably help you.
Nothing ends a relationship faster than a tattoo of your new lover’s name.
Laughing Buddha is Seattle’s top tattoo, body piercing, and body modification joint. If you don’t like the way your body looks, whether you want to put something in, pull something out, or move something around, these folks can probably help you.
Nothing ends a relationship faster than a tattoo of your new lover’s name.
5. Pike Place Fish Company
Pike Place Fish Co.
Why do they throw the fish, you ask? Oh, just for the halibut.
Pike Place Market
85 Pike St, Seattle, WA 98101
At Pike Place Market, you can buy fresh fruit, beautiful flowers, and warm doughnuts. You can buy junky souvenirs for your parent, cheap magic tricks for your kids, and condolence cards for your ex. It’s even a great place for a break up – with so many tourists around, a crying fit just feels out of place. Do yourself a favor, though, and don’t do the deed in front of the Pike Place Fish Company, or you may catch a salmon upside the head.
At Pike Place Market, you can buy fresh fruit, beautiful flowers, and warm doughnuts. You can buy junky souvenirs for your parent, cheap magic tricks for your kids, and condolence cards for your ex. It’s even a great place for a break up – with so many tourists around, a crying fit just feels out of place. Do yourself a favor, though, and don’t do the deed in front of the Pike Place Fish Company, or you may catch a salmon upside the head.
6. Space Needle
Seattle doesn’t need to over-compensate with huge phallic landmarks. We’re better than that.
Space Needle
400 Broad St, Seattle, WA 98109
Immediately recognizable to any fan of the TV show Frazier, Seattle’s Space Needle is a leftover from the 1962 World’s Fair. There is a “safety grid” around the observation platform and only one person has managed to successfully jump since its installation. Let’s have no more talk of ending relationships atop Seattle landmarks.
Immediately recognizable to any fan of the TV show Frazier, Seattle’s Space Needle is a leftover from the 1962 World’s Fair. There is a “safety grid” around the observation platform and only one person has managed to successfully jump since its installation. Let’s have no more talk of ending relationships atop Seattle landmarks.
7. Northwest Outdoor Center
Northwest Outdoor Center
2100 Westlake Ave N Ste 1, Seattle, WA 98109
Rent a kayak and explore Lake Union. From NWOC’s dock, you can explore Gas Works park, the Arboretum, the Ballard locks, or Alaska.
You can request a double kayak, though perhaps two singles might be more appropriate.
Rent a kayak and explore Lake Union. From NWOC’s dock, you can explore Gas Works park, the Arboretum, the Ballard locks, or Alaska.
You can request a double kayak, though perhaps two singles might be more appropriate.
Breaking up is hard to do
You’ve got the don’ts, now here are some of the do’s.
So your girlfriend is a lesbian
Maybe you want to rethink this whole breaking-up thing?
How to blend into Seattle's tech scene
Drown your post-breakup sorrows in electronics. That’s how we roll in Seattle.
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This guide also works perfectly for “the perfect date” scenarios.
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“just for the halibut” I love cheesy humor… Bruhahaha… Too funny!
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