White Trash Christmas Presents

Eagles AND a lighthouse? Doesn’t get any better than that.

American Iconography = White Trash Gold

White trash are incredibly patriotic, regardless of their veteran status. Maybe just grateful for the welfare check? In any case, you can’t go wrong with eagles, flags, or eagle flags. Flag poles with eagles on top. Eagles albums wrapped in flag-themed wrapping paper.

For the trailer with no surface area

If a statue would take up too much room on the Betty Boop coffee table, consider an eagle wall plaque.

Why wolf-themed blankets?

Because most white trash seem to believe that they are at least 1/16 Native American.

Stocking Stuffer

Because every year, white trash burn down their trailers when their dead Christmas trees are ignited by the strings of still-on Christmas lights. In mid-March, usually. Fire extinguishers save lives.

Look Mama...

A barbie just like you!!!

I <3 Jamie Pressly

No one does a better white trash impression than My Name is Earl’s Jamie Pressly.

LEGO Nativity Scene

Super classy.

Fine Art Collections

If you can shoot it, then your white trash will love a print or oil painting of it.

Look, it's your boyfriend

For nerdy trash

Maybe your white trash is into fantasy novels. You would be, too, if you worked at Arby’s for the past 23 years and lived in your mom’s basement. What? You didn’t know that trailers have basements? They do.

Taz Jacket

There are only two types of people in the world who wear Looney Toons-brand apparel: white trash, and old bull dykes. Oddly enough, both sport the same hair cut.

Birth Control Pills

It’s a long shot, but maybe you can pretend they are weight-loss pills and hope that someone slips them into Cousin Liz’s Coors Light.

White trash Mona Lisa

The quintessential white trash icon – although no white trash women actually acheive this look, this is what they are aiming for. Fringe jackets, acid wash jeans, and can after can of hairspray all make great Christmas presents for white trash.

Rain Lamp (beautiful)