Categories: Geek; Eat & Drink

When you just wanna get trashed in Los Angeles: Dive Bars

By chubbuni13
updated 3 months ago

When the situation calls for ludicrous amounts of alcohol at a reasonable price (define reasonable, you say?) this is the way to get completely blitzed in LA... with style.

I'm ready for my closeup Mr. Deville.

Frank N Hanks

518 S Western Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90020

The Mecca of dive bars in LA. Which when you think about it is a pretty ignorant thing to say given Islam’s prohibition of alcohol. Still, $4 top shelf alcohol, a grainy saloon-like bathroom complete with swinging door and a bartender named Snow makes for an extremely cheap and invariably drunken night. Added bonus is the variety of people you see here, but in the end, we’re all there for the same reason. Apparently one of Andre the Giant’s favorite places to drink back in the days when men were men and aggravated cases of acromegaly were no match for cocky poses.

Colorado Bar

2640 E Colorado Boulevard, Pasadena, CA 91107

Do you know how to tell if a bar is truly a dive? It’s when you see the prominent no smoking signs outside and then enter only to be greeted inside by a thick swath of smoke. Then when you clear away the ash on a barstool and plunk down you notice that they carry a wide variety of cigarettes for sale. Despite, or perhaps because of their flippant view of California’s health codes, the Colorado Bar also serves a wide variety of liquor and beer on tap and they genuinely seem to like their trade. Be warned though, they don’t really take too kindly to ethnic types and as my girlfriend and I were the only non-Whites in the entire bar, I had a sinking feeling that a hate crime was coming on… luckily after the fifth Glenlivet and Ginger Ale, that feeling – along with my sobriety – faded away quickly.

Roost

3100 Los Feliz Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90039

I truly believe that you can divide everybody in the world into two groups: happy drunks and angry drunks. For some reason, The Roost tends to attract the former group in large supply. Expect lots of back slapping and high fiving strangers that come up to you and shower you with unsolicited gestures of camaraderie. Not that it bothers me, unless they do it while I’m in mid drink and make me spill my precious liquor… then, I get angry. And you don’t… want to make me… angry! eyes turning green

35 ER

12 E Colorado Boulevard, Pasadena, CA 91105

35’er not 35 ER… because the day I land myself in the hospital because of drinking… well, I shouldn’t really finish that statement.

Power House

1714 N Highland Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90028

Because it reminds me of those Christian bodybuilders on TBN that break shit while yelling to Jesus for strength… kinda defeats the purpose of a spirit driven life when you exhibit roid rage at every possible occasion, but then again, religious pageantry is pretty entertaining.

Frolic Room

6245 Hollywood Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90028

Make sure you go here when there’s a show at the Pantages nearby… some wild, wild stuff goes down after the plays end.

The HMS Bounty

3357 Wilshire Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90010

Set directly across the landmark Ambassador Hotel, HMS Bounty is housed on the first floor of the Gaylord Apartments in Koreatown. Boasting a nautical theme, the HMS Bounty provides a wide variety of food, crusty old men hacking it up at the bar and of course the requisite drinks at undermarket prices. I have noticed the alarming abundance of hipsters that have started to appear here, perhaps taken in by the “ironic” nature of drinking at an old man’s bar… even saw that guy from The OC with his crew of friends. And by that time my buddies and I were pretty wasted so instead of making some acerbic comments about slumming celebrities all we could come up with were stage whispers of, “The OC! The OC!” directed his way. He seemed annoyed.

Bacardi 151

Getting the most bang for the buck has always been a lifelong pursuit for me. In keeping with this tradition, I’ve found the most effective way to hold to this ideal coupled with an intense desire to get smashed is Bacardi 151. I’m not really a big fan of rum, and the corrugated spout aka “flame arrestor” that comes with the bottle always makes me feel uneasy, but that all goes away knowing that I paid regular price to get double the booze. As Homer Simpson toasted, “To alcohol! The source of and solution to all of life’s problems”.

Predrinking/Prepartying

In the land of $15 cocktails, it’s nice to know that there are stratagems that enable one to effectively counter the evils of greedy bar and club owners. Being a hot chick with big boobs is definitely a good tactic as you’ll never be wont for lack of attention from guys who will fall over themselves in flashy displays of free drinks and sleazy come-on’s. However, for those without the benefit of good looks, a double X chromosome or both – as is my sad case – the next best option for many is the predrink/preparty ritual. But be careful… Standing in line outside the club chugging vodka and orange juice out of a snapple bottle while slurring out to women, “Hey GURR! Hey, lemme just a get a taste!” just does not work without the benefit of dim lighting and loud music. Does that even work with those things??

Del's Saloon

12238 Santa Monica Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90025

Nice little bar on the Westside that caters to a wide variety of people, Del’s Saloon has a special place in my heart because it’s located in a strip mall right next to a Smart & Final grocery shop. I don’t think I’ve ever got to Del’s without hitting up Smart & Final first for a fifth of vodka and some OJ. The karaoke here is always a big draw, and although there are some terrible singers in the mix, one must remember that this is LA, and appearances must be maintained even at a dive bar. I try to sing Naughty by Nature’s excellent opus “OPP” every chance I get, but I’ve mangled it so many times here, that they blacked out the number from the song book. Alcohol will do that to you… YOU DOWN WIT’ OPP?