It happens to the best of us. You're kicked out the dorms for flooding the basement to practice for water polo. Your roommate impregnates someone (hopefully not you). Your dog terrorizes your landlady's Bichon Frise an you can't afford the therapist bills. For one reason or another, you have to MOVE. It seems like an easy enough task. I mean, people do it every day! But when you add the already off-kilter reality of a place like L.A., things can get a little more complicated. Here are some tips & tricks that may make it go a little more smoothly.
You Won't Find a New Place Right Away
Actually, you probably won’t find a new place until 3 days before you have to move (this is an approximation). So you don’t even need to bother looking until a week before. Really, you’ll be fine.
Old reliable craigslist. The only place on the internet where you can go over to a stranger’s house who you once saw at Trader Joe’s, make out with them and stop on the way back to pick up a free sofa. In terms of moving, you can find an apartment, free boxes for your move and furnish the whole thing for CHEAP. I don’t know who this Craig guy is, but I owe him big time.
I can’t really advocate Westside Rentals because I think it is a total rip off at $60 for 60 days, but I did find a great apartment here one time. Anyway, who even gets 60 days to look for an apartment?
Procrastinate Packing
You know you’re going to anyway. No matter how sure you are that you’re going to really “buckle down” and “get a lot done this weekend” you aren’t going to and you won’t. Just make sure that you have plenty of coffee for the day before the big move because you are going to be up ALL NIGHT.
Make Sure You Can Steal WiFi
Seriously, what kind of sucker pays for internet anymore?
You Can't Really Afford to Move
Let’s add it up:
Security Deposit for New Place: Exorbitant
First Month’s Rent for New Place: Out of your Price Range
Moving Truck: What, like 50 bucks?
Total: Way More Than You Have plus like 50 bucks
Your New Apartment Is Too Small
And it will get smaller every time you go inside, even before you haul in your sofa and coffee table. You’ll get used to it. Or you’ll move to Wyoming. Either way, congratulations.
Your New Landlord Will Be a Jerk
I don’t know if it’s something about Los Angeles…the smog or the traffic or all the broken dreams…but every landlord I have ever had here is a complete jerk. This can be a source of a lot of stress at first, but if you learn to accept and even expect it, it’s not so bad. So remember this when you check out new places: it’s a given he’s going to be a jerk, but is he at least a hot jerk?
In the timeless words of Johnny Drama, the Valley is Hell’s Waiting Room. Sure, you can get more square footage and run into porn stars at the AM/PM, but you’re so far from coolness in miles and temperature that you’ll be miserable. And you can be sure that I will NEVER come to visit you which is truly a fate worse than Van Nuys.
If you can’t afford to hire movers, you’ll probably be needing a u-haul. Just be sure to get the insurance because you’re probably going to hit something. I can’t really believe they let just anybody drive these things. But they do. Even me.
If you can’t afford to hire movers, you’ll probably be needing a u-haul. Just be sure to get the insurance because you’re probably going to hit something. I can’t really believe they let just anybody drive these things. But they do. Even me.
You Don't Have Enough Friends
You need at least 2 if you don’t want to have to carry anything. And if one of those 2 is a whiny girl, you’re going to end up doing all the work anyway.
Get a Place on a Low Floor
Or you may have even fewer friends after your move.
The beer garden at the Red Lion is a good place to start making new friends to help you carry stuff. I recommend zeroing in on the tallest and strongest looking (bonus if you saw him pull up in a truck) and working your way down to the less athletic looking guys (or gals).
The beer garden at the Red Lion is a good place to start making new friends to help you carry stuff. I recommend zeroing in on the tallest and strongest looking (bonus if you saw him pull up in a truck) and working your way down to the less athletic looking guys (or gals).
You Will Never Finish Unpacking
In 3 years, when you have to move again – because there was an earthquake 3 months ago and the manager of your building still hasn’t patched the hole in your pipe so you’ve been showering at the gym, or you meet the love of your life and actually think it’s going to work out this time or you finally get that transfer to Australia – you’ll find a box of stuff under your bed that never got unpacked. Even though you didn’t miss any of this stuff for the last 3 years, you’ll put it in the truck anyway. It’s OK, I’m sure someday you WILL need those books from your Women’s Studies seminar sophomore year.
This place is awesome. Where else can you get a bookshelf, a bedframe and some Swedish meatballs for $100? Except, maybe Sweden. Anyway, anything you can’t find for free on craigslist, you can find for cheap at Ikea.
This place is awesome. Where else can you get a bookshelf, a bedframe and some Swedish meatballs for $100? Except, maybe Sweden. Anyway, anything you can’t find for free on craigslist, you can find for cheap at Ikea.
The Best Part of Moving
Getting new stuff! This catalog cover is making me salivate. Ooh…Swedish prefab…mmm…
Just Don't.
It’s such a pain in the ass.
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