Welcome To South Jersey
by Matt Fried - November 29, 2008
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Haddonfield, New Jersey. Possibly the most boring place on Earth, or at least in all of Camden County. Also, the town that I called home for six years of my life. My family and I first moved there in 1996 and immediately, I counted the days until my escape (2,203 days - give or take). It's not that I absolutely hated being there, it's just that I knew I didn't want to stay any longer than I had to. Of course, in six years since I graduated high school and moved to New York City, something weird happened. I stopped thinking of it as a place of utmost misery. Now, let's get something straight: it is white-bread, it is boring, and everything shuts down by 8:00 p.m. But it was still an okay place to grow up. With the holiday season now in full swing, I'm going to be splitting my time between Haddonfield and Brooklyn for the next few weeks - there is a convenience to moving 90 minutes away. Since much of my last week has been spent back in my hometown, I figured why not share it with the rest of the internet? Knowing colloquial irony, I'm sure somebody from there is going to read it and a) think I'm a jerk, write something scathing about me in South Jersey Magazine, and I'll be banned from Wedgewood Swim Club for life, or b) think it's wonderful and ask me to be the speaker at the next high school graduation. Knowing how H-field loves to rub achievement in other town's faces, I'll start preparing my speech come April.
Haddonfield, New Jersey - yeah, I know...
Haddonfield was founded back the in the colonial era and still maintains those ties with several prominent families who are residents. On something of a weird sidenote, most of those families are somehow related to each other, which obviously brings up the question of incest. However, there is a timeless saying in Haddonfield: “It’s not incest if she looks at you the right way.” Anyway, we’re famous for being the town where America’s first dinosaur was found (the Hadrosaur), the alleged birthplace of the snowboard (Wikipedia debates that), and supposedly Steven Spielberg lived there for about a minute. You didn’t get much attention from the press or the soccer mom mafia unless you were on a sports team or voting for the incumbent mayor. One of my favorite past times was the opening of a record shop every two years, followed by its imminent bankruptcy before the next Christmas. Because teenagers don’t need record shops in Haddonfield. They need colonial antique stores and retailers of upscale pant suits.
Three Beans Coffee Company
140 Haddon Avenue Haddonfield, NJ 08033
Three Beans was my hang from 1999 to 2002. The local coffeehouse where I was often writing poetry and hitting on South Jersey girls that wouldn’t even look at me. Back in ‘99, Friday nights would be a little rough; sometimes me and the other “artists” (the “bisexual” telemarketer, Neo, or Willy, the 50 something folkie pothead) would get egged via drive-by. Once or twice, a brick did come through the window. After a while though, things changed, but the scene didn’t. The youth clientele always seemed to alternate between drama club kids, pop punkers, and your various Jersey weirdo. But still, Three Beans was always home to me.
Haddie, The Hadrosaur
I guess it makes sense that the biggest celebrity of the town has been dead 65 million years.
Wow Video
32 Haddon Avenue Haddon Township, NJ 08108
Wow Video, the local video store where everyone bumped into each other. Sometimes, it would get awkward, considering that a regular rite of passage was renting a porno on one’s 18th birthday party. The rumor was that our high school principal frequented the adult section, with no real heed to his students who were also employees.
Haddonfield Memorial High
401 Kings Highway East, Haddonfield, NJ 08033
The site of so long an angsty, teenage existence. HMHS was like something out of a bland John Hughes movies. There was never a fight (save for the ONE that I remember), everybody seemed to love the drama, and our football team was fairly consistent. I was always on the outside of most things social, but then, somebody had to be in the drama club. Favorite memories: two failed campaigns for student council (maverickism didn’t take), two leads in the school play, and graduating with a B+ average. All in all, not a bad four years.
The site of so long an angsty, teenage existence. HMHS was like something out of a bland John Hughes movies. There was never a fight (save for the ONE that I remember), everybody seemed to love the drama, and our football team was fairly consistent. I was always on the outside of most things social, but then, somebody had to be in the drama club. Favorite memories: two failed campaigns for student council (maverickism didn’t take), two leads in the school play, and graduating with a B+ average. All in all, not a bad four years.
Cherry Hill Mall
State Highway 38 & N, Cherry Hill, NJ 08034
One of America’s first malls and still the commercial center for Camden County, The Cherry Hill Mall had its fair share of appearances in my life. Sometimes, it was all about the food court for dinner. Or, shelling out cash at the overpriced Wall. Then – my first summer after college – it was home to my job in retail. It was also the one place where the kids of Haddonfield associated with the rest of the great unwashed of the area. I can’t say I have any more significant memories other than those, but – when you think about it – do you really want any from a shopping mall?
One of America’s first malls and still the commercial center for Camden County, The Cherry Hill Mall had its fair share of appearances in my life. Sometimes, it was all about the food court for dinner. Or, shelling out cash at the overpriced Wall. Then – my first summer after college – it was home to my job in retail. It was also the one place where the kids of Haddonfield associated with the rest of the great unwashed of the area. I can’t say I have any more significant memories other than those, but – when you think about it – do you really want any from a shopping mall?
Showcase At The Ritz Center
900 Haddonfield-Berlin Road Voorhees, NJ 08043
Then, there was the Ritz 16 in Voorhees. Someone thought it would be smart to open up an art house movie theater in suburbia and it actually worked. The Ritz was the place where I often sought refuge through films like THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS, BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB, and MOMENTO. The owners sold it to commercial operators in 2007 and it’s been turned into a cineplex. Sad and frustrating, as I now hate teenagers and their lack of sense of humor.
Y100
Y100 was the radio station of the people. Around 1997, media companies became monopolized and many of the local radio stations were bought out. After the demise of WDRE 103.9, the only remaining alternative rock station was Y100, which everybody I knew lived and died by back then. In the mornings, they had Preston and Steve, a pair of lovable Philly mooks who gave the Delaware Valley bits of strange news, held some impressive celebrity interviews, and hyped the best new music. In the evenings was Cagematch, a battle-of-the-bands type radio program where new music was pitted against station stand-bys and fought for airtime. There were the Sonic Sessions, Y100’s own version of MTV Unplugged, where big name bands came in and played intimate acoustic sets for a small audience. Plus, there was its two semi-annual music festivals – The FEZtival and The FEASTtival. Y100 was the lifeblood for many of us. In 2001, the station was bought out by Radio One and then yanked from the airwaves in 2005. It was a sad day to see it go, but while it was around, yes – “Y100 rocked.”
7-Eleven
615 N Haddon Avenue Haddonfield, NJ 08033
“The Sev” as we called it. Home to Slurpees, hot dogs, and Sarge – the skeeviest 7-11 worker ever. He was known to sell cigarettes to 17 year old girls if they even so much as had a 30 second conversation with him. I’m sure his pregnant girlfriend loved to know that.
Ah, Dave Matthews Band… stab me in the face. DMB (sometimes alternating with Phish, depending who you talked to) was the mascot of choice for the kids of Haddonfield. His upbeat, world music, jam sessions echoed out of every junior’s car and his concerts were the regular social events of the season. Possibly the most memorable one being his three-day stint at Veterans Stadium in Phildelphia in the spring of 2000. I hated Dave Matthews. Not for any credible reason, mind you. I just hated the man and his music because everybody else liked him and never shut-up about it. In the years since my high school graduation, I’ve given DMB his fair shot on my playlist and my only real thoughts are “Um, I like that one song he did.” It seemed that if you listened to punk or emo, Dave was immediately your natural enemy, like the Dallas Cowboys or teen sobriety. But these days, I’ll let Dave Matthews play through. Though I know that my inner seventeen year old is bitching about me in his marble notebook.
Tweeter Center
1 Harbor Blvd, Camden, NJ 08103
In an attempt to revive the Camden waterfront, The Twitter Center was opened in 1995. Now known as The Susquehanna Bank Center, it was always famous for its lawn where you could catch a decent show for $25. DMB made frequent stops there, in between ruining my adolescence.
In an attempt to revive the Camden waterfront, The Twitter Center was opened in 1995. Now known as The Susquehanna Bank Center, it was always famous for its lawn where you could catch a decent show for $25. DMB made frequent stops there, in between ruining my adolescence.
For any ill-will I may have for H-field, at least it wasn’t out in the middle of nowhere. Running off to Philadelphia on days off from school became something of a regular thing for me. PATCO, its kind of like the subway – except cheaper and not as fast.
For any ill-will I may have for H-field, at least it wasn’t out in the middle of nowhere. Running off to Philadelphia on days off from school became something of a regular thing for me. PATCO, its kind of like the subway – except cheaper and not as fast.
Dawg Pride
This isn’t our team emblem, but it was the closest I could find without copyright enfringement. The Haddonfield Bulldawgs (yes, we did actually spell it that way), claiming to be excellent in sports for close to 100 years.
PJ Whelihan's
700 Haddon Avenue Haddonfield, NJ 08033
PJ’s has always been known for making some of the best wings in the whole area. It’s been a local favorite in Haddonfield since it opened. It also somehow gets away with selling booze in an otherwise dry town.
There were many bands that came and went during my days in South Jersey, but the one always special to me is Burn Kate, named after the unanimous sentiment towards guitarist Sean Breslin’s sister. Burn Kate was my friends’ band. Their concerts weren’t just opportunities to see them play; it was a coming-together for all involved: groupies, friends, hangers-on. It’s necessary to admit that I had a fair amount of doubt of them breaking out, but luckily: they didn’t listen to guys like me. Their sound wasn’t anything new, but they did it well and they were good. They cut two albums, were part of the Philly punk scene for a time, and even played a gig at CBGBs in New York. Personally, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention them. Big Rock Show, their indie debut, is still one of my favorites. Fingers crossed for a reunion during Christmas. We miss you Jimmy, Josh, Sean, and Monkey.
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