Shoe Trends From The Days Of Yore

Reebok Pumps

Suddenly, every young man could hardly walk without his special air-injectable ankle support system. This was big before gym basketball.

Light-Up Sneaks

These almost tie with Jellies in their nostalgia quotient. I seem to remember that they were found to be more toxic than batteries in a landfill. (photo: rareairshoes.com)

Velcro Tennies

All the cool kids wore ’em criss-crossed.

Boating Shoes

Hot in the 80s, AND hot now for hipsters. Who can keep up with these crazy kids?

Timbs

I guess these never lost their popularity. But as I recall, all the little white suburban boys had to have these in 1999, along with their CD singles of “Who Dat?” by JT Money.

Chunky Dirty D3s

You just couldn’t bear to throw them away!

But was sad to miss THIS trend.

Patterned Keds

Mrs. Pacman was my fave!

Rockit Dog Platform Flips

The poor boys who had to stand next to us, as we towered over them at the latest boy band concert.

Hush Puppies

I think I was hanging out on a cloud with a stork when this trend hit, but I read ALL about it in Malcolm Gladwell’s “The Tipping Point.” In EVERY psychology class I ever took. Yeah.

The Infamous Uggs

Roller Sneakers

How I WISH they had these around when I was younger! Somehow, I don’t think I could pull them off at my age.

Dr. Scholl's Wooden Flops

Curbing the sex drive of middle-aged American husbands.

Jellies

By kindegarten, marketing geniuses somehow hypnotized me into feeling like I could not live on without a pair of Jellies. Bluefaced temper tantrums naturally ensued.

Tevas

Why, oh, why did my first boyfriend, Milan Medocovik have to wear these in seventh grade? Whatever, I still hugged him every day before getting on the school bus.

Adhesive Flip Flops

It was all fun and games until you found a cigarette butt, a used Band-Aid, and a piece of Laffy Taffy from last week’s pool party stuck to your adhesive.

Ugg-Crocs?

When form follows function to the point of tragedy.

I think I missed this trend...

Is that Pikachu?

Such fond memories of doing the criss-cross in these at the elementary school summer bash until I turned red and threw up. (The mac dad’ll make ya!)

Platform Sneakers

Even slightly more offensive than the platform flip-flops.

These were regrettable...

Birkenflops

The stocks are included. What were we thinking?! I know these ar still trendy amongst the metropolitan granola elite, but remember when all of the snotty girls just HAD to have these in taupe to go with their Seven jeans?

Crocs: A Happy Extinction

The Crocs company has gone out of business! I haven’t been this sad since the Hummer was sold to China. Sniffle.

Shoe Springs

Don’t lie: You know you had a pair.

The Heel-less Shoe

Allegedly, these are the current trend. Also allegedly, Victoria Beckham, Uma Thurman, and Gwyneth Paltrow all own these. And also allegedly, they’re totally safe for your feet. Right. I think I’ll pass.