"We Met Online": A Guide to Internet Dating in Los Angeles

Where to Find a Date

The first step in the internet dating adventure is to find yourself a date.  In 2008, there are A LOT of sites to choose from.  Let’s break down some of the more popular ones.

Pick a Good Meeting Spot

So, you found a hottie online – or he found you – and you’ve exchanged a few messages.  He seems clever and looks cute, so it’s time to meet up.  Hopeful? Sure!  Terrified and having second thoughts?  Yes, probably that also!  Obviously, the first step is to pick a time and place. 

Time?

I’ve found that it’s best to meet during the week, a little earlier in the evening.  If you meet on the weekend there’s going to be the awkward moment where you wonder if you’re going to hang out all night, should you make other plans, etc?  It’s going to be awkward enough, so you might as well avoid this.

Place?

As far as a place, there are some good rules of thumb to follow.  A no-brainer probably, but don’t go to a place where you’re likely to run into someone you know.  Not that you should be embarrassed to be on an internet date, but again, it’s more awkward because you’ll see them, they might come over and then you have to introduce your date WHO YOU JUST MET as “your friend” or something equally evasive and then potentially answer questions about it later like “who was that guy you were with?” when you might not ever want to talk about him again.  Let’s not go there.

Choose a place that’s convenient for both of you.  If he lives on the Westside and you live on the eastside, go somewhere in between.  Neither of you should have to go way out of your way for what might amount to 1 drink and a lot of dead air.  This is not a hard and fast rule, just common courtesy.

Wait a Second...What do we do?

Now you might be asking – what are we supposed to do on our first meeting?  Well, an internet date isn’t quite the same as a first date where you’ve already met and talked to this person, so I would strongly advise against something that is a big time commitment since there is always a possibility that you will end up completely hating each other.  Don’t agree to have dinner or go to a concert or anything where you’re going to end up trapped.  I personally clam up around people I don’t know that well, so meeting for a drink is always a nice way to lubricate the situation.  And you can show up with at least 2 glasses of wine already in you so you can be friendly right off.  Just, try to not get too drunk…or, don’t.  That’s fun, too.

If you don’t drink, I would advise against internet dating altogether.  However, if you must, it is also acceptable to meet for coffee. 

Potential Internet Dating Spots

Some bars and coffee shops around L.A. that have been tried and tested by yours truly and other brave souls that I know as Internet Meeting Places.

How Do I Act?

You’ve probably been on a first date before.  This really isn’t much different than a normal first date, with a few exceptions or at least reiterations.

1. Be polite.  You may be faced with the unfortunate position of finding yourself on a date with someone that isn’t quite what you expected.  A comedian that isn’t funny or someone with cute pictures that isn’t cute or a Republican.  But, both of you are in a vulnerable position here and this isn’t an episode of “Next,” so just be polite.  Stay for a drink and be nice.  You don’t have to flirt or be disingenuous.  Just remember the golden rule…something about eyes or something?
2. Even if you’ve exchanged a few messages and feel like you kind of know someone, don’t act like you’re bff right away.  It’s kind of creepy.  For instance, I don’t recommend hugging hello.  I mean, you’ve just met.
3. In the aftermath of the internet date, you might both be left with different impressions.  If the instance happens that you didn’t really like your date, it’s not necessary to follow up with an email.  You don’t need to preemptively reject anyone.  Just let it go.  However, if you find you left a good impression and he or she does contact you, YOU MUST RESPOND.  Believe me, it is so much better to get a short sweet note that says something like “It was great meeting you, but I really don’t think we’re compatible” or something along those lines than to just let it HANG THERE for the other person to wonder if you got eaten by a shark or something.  It’s is the polite thing to do.  A lot people don’t understand this, but it’s called CLOSURE.  Give of it freely.  It’s the only thing to do.

Second Date?

What do you mean it went well?  You want to see each other again?  Oh, I wasn’t really prepared for this.

I guess now that you know each other and you’re not enemies, you can go ahead and do a normal date thing.  This includes getting dinner, exploring local taco trucks, visiting a museum if you’re totally boring, going on a bike ride, walking along the beach and other cliche nonsense.  Good for you.  I’m really happy for you.  I hope you’ll acknowledge GillianS and her awesome guide to online dating at your wedding.  Or even better, invite me!  But only if it’s open bar.

How did you meet?

Ah, you’ve found the love of your life on the internet.  Or, at least the love of the next 3-12 months.  You’re spending more and more time together and have reached that instance where you’re going to need/want to do some couply things together that include the friends of at least one of you.  And when you show up with this newfound romance, you’re going to face the inevitable question: “How did you meet?”  For some online daters, this is not a problem, they have no shame whatsoever in having used technology – the power and magic of the internet – to have found love.  But others are a little bit embarrassed by this.  So, before you find yourself at one of these events, you ought to discuss with your mate which camp you fall in to.  Otherwise you’ll get the question and stare dumbfounded and say something random, evasive and stupid like “Oh, yeah, we just, um, you know, met at like, a bar, thing, place, party.”  Nicer friends will just give you a perplexed look and drop the questions, but not everyone is nice.  SO either come up with a cover story (“mutual friends” is OK, but you might be asked for specifics or just a random bar or party or, places that normal people who are not complete social rejects would meet a potential bf/gf).