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How NOT to Get Laid on Valentine's Day
- by elguapo
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- February 27, 2009
(3)
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Dating for Dummies. Places NOT to take your girlfriend on Valentine's Day (unless you enjoy sleeping on the couch).
Dinner Theater
OK, please just stab me in the head with a fork.
Honestly, it is hard to find something lamer than watching a troupe of semi-professional actors (read unemployed) re-enact the board game “Clue”.
Second Life Virtual Date
Get into her virtual panties…
OK, this is maybe the all time lamest thing I have ever seen.
To find other virtual nerds, check out SecondLife.com
"The Club"
Hey nothing says romance like a $12 cover, a two drink minimum and a free shrimp buffet.
Go this route with your girlfriend and you’ll end up alone, watching Skinamax by the end of the night.
Sake + Karaoke = Embarrassment for ALL
Resist the urge to take your girlfriend to a karaoke bar and serenade her with love songs. This sounds quasi-romantic, but unless you actually have a good voice, those four sake bombs you took at dinner will just about guarantee that you’ll end up looking like a hopeless loser…
Take my advice. Stay off the stage, hombre.
You don’t want to make this a “Valentine’s day to remember” for all the wrong reasons.
McDonald's
McDON’T
Really? If you were seriously thinking about this, you need help.
Although, if you gave a girl this valentine’s day card and she didn’t laugh, then she’s probably not worth keeping anyway..
Ice Cream
Ice cream is acceptable…if you’re ten.
If you are older than ten, taking a date to get ice cream is incredibly, incredibly lame.
Slasher Valentine's Day Movies
I’m pretty sure this is not the love story she had in mind.
And Last But NOT LEAST
Getting Hitched in Vegas
This is a one way ticket to RegretsVille. Population: You
Terrible, terrible idea.
Wrestling Match
She wanted to go see the academy award nominated movie, “the Wrestler.” You misunderstood and decide to take her to WWE Smackdown.
While Brett “the Hitman” Hart is the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be, taking your girlfriend to a wrestling match on Valentines Day is the worst there is, the worst there was, and the worst there ever will be.
Sorry, dudes. Survey Says…Hart Foundation NOT the Way to a Woman’s Heart.
Amusement Park
If you really think you are going to win her over by buying her Dippin Dots, (the ice cream of the future), think again, numbnuts.
Girls like funnel cake, not dippin’ dots. DUHHHHH!!
DIY Fondue
One word: FonDON’T
The only thing worse than the ridiculously overpriced $250 bill you’ll get at a mediocre fondue chain like the Melting Pot, is the grease fire you’ll start in your apartment trying to make your own steak and lobster fondue dinner.
Any Place that Accepts Coupons
Buy one large Pizza receive one free night on the couch!! Hooray!!
Shopping Spree at a Comic Book Store
I know you call them “graphic novels” but everyone else in the world else calls them comic books.
If you read comic books and you are a human adult…well…that’s ok. I’m not saying there is something wrong with it, but certainly don’t invite your girlfriend into your nerd kingdom and expect her to embrace your nerdery.
She might tolerate your stories about the latest graphic novel you purchased but don’t fool yourself into thinking she actually cares about that crap…
Go the safe route and get her some nice flowers instead…
3D Slasher Valentine's Day Movies
Sorry, dude. It’s not any better if it’s in 3D
Yo, Sucka Fool. Check Out More Valentine's Day Guides Below
Get Laid on V-day
Going Geek on Valentine’s Day
15 Ways to Ruin Valentine’s Day
A Sweet, sweet, Valentine’s Day in San Francisco
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I would actually kind of enjoy most of these. To me, V-day is about having fun and getting closer to my S.O. Expensive dinners, sappy movies and roses are nice, but they’re kind of played out around Valentine’s Day. I’d much rather be surprised with concert tickets or a trip to Worlds of Fun than doing something that you do for any other date. A chocolate cone on the ice cream bench would be completely awesome to me. You’re right about the getting hitched part, though. Ew.
.jpg "aliciak")
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Oh I dunno, I think ALL of these could be fun, but that’s because I’m weird. I would elope to Vegas, but maybe not sit on that ice cream bench. I do realize the ice cream bench is just an image and not one of the no-no’s…
.jpg "Elissa")
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yes yes! this is your best piece yet. d-listers acting out clue?? genius. and i’m with you on the fondon’t. it doesn’t make you feel romantic, it just makes you want to sleep!
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