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SPONSORED LISTINGS
UPS and DOWNS with Ms. Britney Spears
- by chelsea
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- August 28, 2008
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- 1 discussion
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- 2 comments
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I have a confession, I love Britney Spears. No, I'm so serious about this that I still haven't been able to take down my shrine to her in my old home. The shrine covers three walls and doors and reflects all of the glory days of Ms. Spears. She was my idol. As a matter of fact, I can do a killer impression, voice, dance moves and all- I wanted to embody her completely. When Britney started to hit the rocks, I still defended and protected her. Through all of her UPS and DOWNS Britney is still the greatest, most untouchable popstar of all time (Madonna doesn't count, she's an alien.) Though I love her, I can still recognize her epic fall, her rollercoaster ride of a life and the way she plays the paparazzi like a yo yo. Here is is, the highs and lows, sexy and tragic...I bring to you, Britney bitch.
In the beginning....
Britney was all sweet and clueless, mini-skirts and photo shoots but school buses. It all started with best intentions…
CRUSHED VELVET....
A mall tour with Nsync in 1998 wearing crushed velvet from head to toe, looked as though Britney may always be singing in malls. That crusehd velvet could have EASILY backfired.
HIGH POINT:
The cover of Rolling Stone. Controversial? Hardly, all 18 year olds look like that when they talk on the phone in their underwear, where have you been?
SUPER HIGH POINT:
Britney finds THE FAN. Had Britney not found “THE FAN” that became on of her staple props for photo shoots, tours, etc…..Britney and her fan made us all wish we had long enough hair extensions to blow in the fake wind. FAN ON HIGH= SEXY
Oops I Did It Again....VMA'S
Who would’ve have known after two years of knock out performances of giration, male dancers and remixes that in 2007 Britney would hit one of her biggest lows (or so they say.)
THEN LOVE CAME IN...
Britney did her best when she snagged Mr. Justin Timberlake (who managed to stay SANE), when they were together people all over the world were fantasizing about what HOT HOT sex they must be having.
They were ruling the world, they were young, hormones were racing and all that BLAH BLAH. They were the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt of the time, minus all the children….that wasn’t until Kevin came along.
HIGH POINT:
It looked like bliss. The matching jerseys with their nicknames pasted across the back, they shooting and scoring…the googly eyes.
THEN COMES HEARTBREAK
After the Justin/Britney split, which was PURE TRAGEDY, almost as huge as the day we lost Princess Di, Britney decided to roll out onto the streets of Hollywood and pick up the biggest ad boy of the time. Colin Ferrel. Take that Justin. This was Britney’s version of giving Justin “The Finger.” F. U. JT.
LOW POINT:
Colin Ferrel. If there was ever a time Britney contracted some sort of STD, this would have been it.
again.....
Britney turns to her idols....
What should a young pop star do when she is having a lull in her career? Why not go to the Ghandi of pop music; MADONNA. Then, have her give you some Kabbalah books and make out with you on national television in front of your EX. WORD.
Idol LOW POINT:
What should’ve been a high point turned out to be a sad foreshadowing of Britney’s future. Michael Jackon who turned into “Wacko Jacko”
Britney takes a break....
and instead of just taking a nice vacay to Cabo, she goes to Vegas. Gets SCHNOKERED, turns back into a country bumpkin at midnight and POOF! She’s married.
Then she really scares us...
instead of doing the standard, run of the mill GIRL thing when you break up with someone…she writes a tragic song called “Everytime” (allegedly about JT) and ends the video with what looks to be a suicide…..how’s that for making a man feel guilty?
Britney talks to Kevin in private
Three months after meeting Kevin, Britney said screw this, I’m taking this man on tour with me! So, one plane ticket later there he was in Europe with Brit…in a hotel room, getting to know each other…ah, bonding.
HAPPY FAMILY
Everything seemed blissful in paradise, loving photos, happy mama and papa.
After the divorce...
Britney embarks on a series of strange relationships, including the “friendship” with Paris Hilton, and random dates with fugly producers and similar bizarre characters.
THEN:
As things started to unravel between Kevin and Brit she started sporting what is now known as, “The Britney Bun” (which I happen to be rockin’ this very minute)….so when the divorced ensued what did she do…….
Eh, she could do better. Britney seen her with her favorite food.
Britney’s favorite accessory. The wig, not the dog.
BRITNEY FIRES BACK!!
Even though all the Dr-A-ma, Britney managed to come out with an amazing album, “Blackout” and sends a message to the paps.
Some forgotten highpoints:
- Britney’s appearance’s on SNL- particularly the monologue where her boobs move.
- Britney’s appearance on Will and Grace
- Britney’s Sketchers ads
- Britney’s drama camp for underprivileged kids
- Britney’s Superbowl performance
- Britney’s attempted mogul status= perfume line
- Britney showing Ellen Degeneras how to do sit-ups on Ellen
- Britney’s BODY
- Britney makes the fedora super popular (we’re ignoring her love for cowboy hats)
- Britney’s HBO special where she dressed like Elvis (this is the ONE time jumpsuits are allowed.)
- Britney gets naked and covers herself in diamonds for her video “Toxic.” I’ve always wanted to do that. Cheers to her.
Best of Britney PLAYLIST:
- Piece of Me
- What It’s Like To Be Me
- Boys
- Born To Make You Happy
- Stronger
- Don’t Go Knockin’ On My Door
- Breathe On Me
- Early Mornin’
- Ooh Ooh Baby
- Gimme More
- Toy Soldier
- Everytime
DEAR BRITNEY;
I still love you. Here’s to more HIGH POINTS in the future.
xo.
Who would've guessed....
with THIS OUTFIT and the garish blue eye shadow, that she would have turned herself into a pop icon. Pleather doesn’t usually have that effect.
LET'S START AT THE TOP- 2001 Britney's ON HER GAME
After Baby One More Time (1999) came out Britney worked out her the kinks, hit the gym and rather than being just a thin girl with a cute body she turned herself into a rock. Someone gave Britney a stylist and some highlights, and there she was at the TOP of her game. By now she was already on her third album ( self titled Britney) and Even though popstars like Christina Aguilera and Jessica Simpson were singing circles around her, she was still murdering them every time she hit the stage. AND. Hands down, she was the hot one. Three albums in three years, plus world tours…..whoever though this wasn’t leading to a potential breakdown was clearly delusional.
What looked like a high point to men across America (Britney almost naked which became a common theme) would later become a very low point, when nothing was left to the imagination and pictures of he no-panty-wearing-cooter floated about the internet.
LOW POINT:
Britney was doing screamingly well, UNTIL, she found THE JUMPSUIT.
Britney’s “stage outfits” were always outrageous but then when she found one that worked well with her platform boots and sneakers, it STUCK. Through. every. single. tour. The jumpsuit became a staple. Carpenters all over the world are still pissed.
RARRRRRRRRR…..
LET THE WIND BLOW THROUGH YOUR HAIR....
LOW POINT:
MATCHING DENIM. I hope whoever dressed them lost their job and took up accounting.
HIGH POINT:
Britney makes Crossroads. Don’t argue with me, that scene where she cries on the bathroom floor is totally Oscar worthy.
HIGH POINT!
Britney gets caffeinated and makes a sh*tload of dough.
Britney cures her sadness with.....
SOME DANCE PICS! Instead of wallowing in the heartbreak that was JUSTIN, she turned up the volume and danced her way through every photo shoot there was. Dance off the depression Brit, dance. dance.
Britney dances towards happiness..
and again.
….take that.
Idol HIGH POINT:
Slippin’ the tongue to Madge.
How many shots would it take for you to marry THIS GUY? Let’s try an entire bottle of whiskey.
THEN! her "knight in shining armor swooped in"
Mr. Kevin Federline, who would later become; K-FED and she would then become, Mrs. Federline…
HIGH POINT:
One surprise marriage later, Britney gets knocked up. Women all over were secretly excited to see this once washboard abs owning popstar all “huge and stuff.”
THEN COMES NUMBER TWO.
That’s right everything looks groovy and happy…so what do we do as media, well do our best to tear them down right? Because we have no souls, and by we I mean- you guys.
BRITNEY SHAVES HER HEAD.
It’s not like she was making a Sinead statement, only 24 hrs after fleeing rehab this was a very sad low.
The strange activity continues
- Britney starts talking in an accent
- Britney steals lighters
- Britney becomes very familiar with public restrooms
- Paris Hilton befriends Britney
- The pink wig
- The M&Ms (Britney’s fake band that performed at House of Blues)
- Britney attacks a paparazzi with an umbrella
- Britney goes to rehab- twice
- Britney proves herself to be a terrible driver getting in a series of accidents
- Britney shows the world her VA JAY JAY
- Britney is photographed for sometime with a lollipop and a Starbucks in her hand, for months on end. Britney’s diet is f*cked.
- Britney is taken in an ambulance to the hospital for strange behavior
Britney strips down….the difference now is that she’s not performing, she’s just at a public beach.
Britney’s cover of Esquire magazine was a HIGH POINT. How many squats do you think she can do??? Five million?
Britney on Will and Grace
If you look carefully....
You may notice your dear author her on the screen. That’s right, I’ve been known to do some dancing in my days and though I wasn’t on the tour, I dance in some video for it. That famous silhouette of a threesome during her song “Breathe On Me”…I may have had something to do with it. ;)
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My buddies and I always used to argue about what video she looked hottest in. I was all about “Slave 4 U” and one of my buddies was totally into “Hit Me Baby One More Time” but it wasn’t until another friend excitedly claimed, "Nah fool! She was the hottest in ‘Sometimes’ " did I realize that her appeal was that great. Come on… “Sometimes”?? Your fanship shows through and through, Chelsea.
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