Under-Employed? Common to Bizarre Recession Jobs

Serving

Even the term “serving” kind of rankles in my subconscious and finds a home in my psyche where it spends its free time beating up on my ego.

I do sometimes find myself wanting to scream, “Hey lady, I have a BA from a better school than you ever dreamed of, so you can quit being such a uppity b**ch”, but that would just be silly, wouldn’t it? And lose me the ever-important tip. Sigh.

Babysitter

Got wealthy siblings or other relatives? Congratulations, you are now the babysitter for their gurgling, fuzzy little offspring.

The deal usually goes something like this: you babysit during the day for a slightly reduced fee from industry standard. You receive rights to all food in the pantry and fridge. Bar rights are negotiable. You make sure your young relative doesn’t choke to death and ensure that his first word is “f**k”. You are not reimbursed for the sickening feeling that this is what you used to do for money – in JUNIOR HIGH.

They receive a break on their childcare costs and a feeling of superiority mixed with self-righteousness that they are helping out their poor, broke brother or sister.

That’s what we call a win/win.

Barista

He-lllooooow sweating your butt off for minimum wage! I’ve heard that this can actually be a really great gig if you work for a good shop and with fun people:

Bartending

My idea of hell, but it certainly pays well!

And it had a symbiotic relationship to recessions, just feeding and sucking off of them until it’s full and bloated on my, er, your, paycheck.

Census Taker

A bunch of people I know have gotten jobs with the US Census here in San Francisco.

They knock on people’s doors and ask them a bunch of questions.

I guess I just thought there was a more technological solution to getting information about demographics than going door-to-door across the country? This info is the basis of many large-scale decisions and some of said census-takers are, um, a bit unreliable.

I’m just saying that if the ethnic group “three-horned bison” makes a drastic appearance this year in San Francisco, you know what happened there.

Substitute Teacher

photo credit: publiceducationpr.files.wordpress.com

Not that I this is a bizarre job, it’s just bizarre to be allowed to be a teacher if you really didn’t set out to be one in the first place.

It takes a lot of dedication and training . . . this is usually what happens in a long-term substitute teaching situation:

US Forest Service

Yes, the fire fighting business in California is booming and has proven itself recession-proof.

I have a relative that shall remain nameless (because he hates it when I put him in these things) who joined the USFS as a forest firefighter.

Dumpster Diving

This can be extremely lucrative, especially if you live near a large private University. You would not believe what college students will throw away: brand-new textbooks, furniture, lighting, etc.!!

Turn around and get that stuff on Craigslist or Ebay and turn a nice profit.

You just have to mentally get over the actual diving into dumpsters.