Top Ten Moments I Hate

by purplegypsy
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September 22, 2009

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You know the ones I'm talking about. They're awkward, they're embarrasing and they're sometimes scary. They are the "ok...I'll just go sit in the corner and hate myself for a while" moments.

"hello....you"

You’re sitting around, minding your own business, when the phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Hi! How are you?!”
“I’m good…”
The person on the other end continues to chat away, asking about your job/kids/general wellbeing, when you realise you have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who you’re talking to. They obviously know you, so hey, you’ll just keep chatting and hope you recognise the voice eventually. It’ll come to you in a minute…..
Nope, you have no clue. It’s now too late to ask them who they are, because you’ve been chatting away to them for the past five minutes.
Eventually they catch on to your confused tone.
“You have no idea who this is, do you?”

….awkward.

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"mind your business"

We’ve all done it. You’re on your own in a public place, and nothing very interesting is going on. yawn
All of a sudden, you overhear a very interesting conversation.
What are they talking about?
Oh snap! No she didn’t just say that!
Wow, I am so telling my friends about this later. It’ll make a great blog post/facebook note/twitter update….
Suddenly the sneering faces of the people you were eavesdropping on cut into your thoughts.
You realise you have been staring at them for the past five minutes, laughing, smiling and looking confused in their general direction.
How long ago did they notice? How long have you been staring at them with them asking each other “why is that person staring at us”?
Are they going to yell at you? chase you? Abuse you? Embarrass you?
Quick, look away! Ok, pretend you stare at everyone that way. Right. Are they still looking? Yes, theyre still looking at you!
Run away!

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What was I doing?....Nothing....

You’re alone in your house, trying to relax.
You turn on the music, and realise your favourite song is playing.
You turn the music up.
Yeah, this is my song, man!

So you’re singing at the top of your lungs, and dancing like noone’s watching because….well, noone is watching.

Or so you thought. Right at that moment you realise someone has walked in on your solo jam….

……awkward

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"OMG I'm gonna fall!"

That’s right, you know you’re going to fall. The person next to you knows you’re going to fall. Everyone withing a ten mile radius knows you’re going to fall.
But you’ll be having none of that!
First, you try to shift your weight and hope it keeps you upright. All that does, however, is makes you begin a weird half-falling half-running action.
Then, you look around for something to hang on to. Or someone to hang on to. If you’re going down, you’re taking someone down with you! Unfortunately for you, everyone was smart enough to get out of your way.
And now you notice everyone is watching you…..

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"noone noticed that..."

If you do successfully pull off the I-just-shifted-my-weight-to-avoid-falling manouvre, you find yourself in a very awkward situation.
You’re now running for no reason.
What to do?
Do you continue to walk like a normal person, and just get out of there as fast as you can?
Do you keep running, and pretend you’ve suddenly realised you’re late…for a very important date?
Do you make a big deal out of it, and make sure everyone in the vicinity knows that it’s not your fault you tripped (oh my god, did you see that big gap in the pavement? Someone should fix that. Someone could get hurt! I should sue!")?

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"Yeah...I know who you are..."

You’re chatting away to someone, when out of nowhere you develop some weird form of momentary amnesia.

“oh my gosh, I was with Susan the other day, and she did the funniest thing!”
“um….I’m Susan…”
“Oh, yeah….I knew that…I meant Sally…”
You really did mean Sally, but now you look like a doofus. Great.

“Hey, Greg, can you grab that for me?”
“Um….I’m Luke….”
“Oh yeah, I knew that….I have no idea where that came from…”

Even worse, you’re on the phone to a friend, about to say goodbye. But you’re so used to talking to your boy/girlfriend, you end the conversation with
“Ok baby, I’ll see you later…”
Before realising what you’ve just said, and hanging up before the person on the other end can point out your mistake.

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Discussions

: by chelsea 09/23/2009 Reply

Such an awesome guide, I totally agree with these this is awesome- nice work!

: by alexis 09/22/2009 Reply

How about the moment when you’re walking down the street and then realize you need to go in the opposite direction. But you don’t want to stop in your tracks and turn around and look like a crazy person. Sometimes I’ll just walk the extra half a block, cross the street and walk the other way (in the right direction).