Things That Make You An Automatic Douche

by thebreakdancingninja
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July 13, 2010
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Douchy things and people.

Using The Word “Broski”

If you use the word broski it does not make you cool it just makes you a douche. This is the most idiotic frat guy word that you can say, and it makes you sound like a moronic asshole. Go ahead and use it and people will think you’re an automatic douche.

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Taking Multiple Shirtless Pictures of Yourself With Your Cell Phone

I understand taking pictures with your cell phone. It can be a well used technology, however, if you use it constantly to take pictures of yourself in the mirror with your shirt off you need help. Get over yourself and stop being a douche. We got it the first 1,000,000,000 pictures you posted on your Facebook page you have a good body.

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Wearing a Bandana

I hate it when people wear bandanas that clearly have no business wearing them. If you’re not in a biker gang you don’t need to wear a bandana. The only exceptions to this rule are Apolo Ohno and Shaun White because they win American bling. Other than that if you wear a bandana you are probably the King of Tools or an automatic douche.

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Shirts With Stupid Sayings

Douchosity is equal opportunity. Alot of females like to wear shirts that announce how great they supposedly are. So if you wear a shirt that proclaims your hotness you’re probably not hot. If you are hot and wear a shirt that lets people know you are then you’ve got insecurity issues. Go talk to your therapist. Other shirts that fit in this category are the Princess shirts, the 99% Angel 1% Devil, and the Your Boyfriend Thinks I’m Hot shirts. If you wear these shirts you should get a life.

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Talking About How Awesome You Were in High School

High School is a place I don’t miss, however, there are those that want to be there all the time reliving the glory days in their memories. Unfortunately when you relive the glory days many of us have to relive them with you, and that is unacceptable. Accept the fact you put on 60lbs, you have a low paying job, and your dreams of NFL stardom are never coming true. No one cares how big of a douche you were in high school.

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If Your Name is John Mayer/Kanye West

John Mayer you’re not good looking, your whisper singing sucks, you probably have more STD’s than a porn star hooker, your tattoos are horrible, and no one finds you charming. Congratulations douches all over the world look up to you. Kanye West you whine like a little bitch, you’re extremely rude and even other celebrities don’t like you. Pull your head out of your ass. Congratulations John Mayer and Kanye West you are the Ultimate Douches and rule all the vast land of Douchonia.

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: by slamdance_karma 08/16/2011 Reply

Hilarious article.

: by darkjedi2261 08/09/2010 Reply

Anyone who might have been offended by this are obviously douches. The truth hurts sometimes, but not as much as a pink polo with the collar popped hurts everyone around it

: by slystallone 07/13/2010 Reply

If you have been infected by doucheness and are offended then too bad douche! But seriously comment if you think you are a douche.