Things My Boyfriend Has Actually Said
by Karey Ann
12 contributors - October 26, 2008
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Dating & Relationships
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So I have a boyfriend that's verbal . . . dare I say, hyper-verbal. Sometimes when interacting, there seem to be no thoughts going on that aren't turning in to words - yes, I believe Heidegger called this is called stream-of-consciousness. And that oft-discussed "filter"? Foghgettaboutit. This makes for a very interesting relationship, and a wonderful opportunity to share. Oh, and please feel free to add your own significant-other-diarrhea-of-the-mouth-moments, as I'm sure I'll be updating this guide often!
Possibly the inversion of the day we met
My boyfriend would be the female lead in this fun clip. And, ah, I love him so.
"Oh, you're getting mail here. I guess that means it's official and there's, like, what - a 6 year countdown until Common Law kicks in?"
He was not joking. This is just what was going through his mind.
My first week at our shared apartment; he was apparently surprised that us moving in together would also mean that the government would know we were shacking up . . .
The worst part of this one was that I don’t think he understood what I meant when I answered, “Um, I hope you’re not counting on that?”
Info regarding Common Law marriage
Yes, I have broken the bad news to the bf that California does not recognize Common Law.
"Did you know that lions have barbed penises?"
This piece of useful information was told to me the morning after the first night we spent together. I can’t decide whether this was a non-sequitur . . . or not (?)
Me: "OK, we'll roshambo for it. Two out of three?" Him: "How 'bout one out of two?"
Admittedly, we had been drinking . . . heavily. At Zeitgeist. For quite some time.
But still, this is a doozie!! And one that I bring up, often.
To our waitress: "Huh. The soup today is Lamb Chowder? Huh. I really felt like soup but I just don't like lamb."
The waitress and I just stared at him.
Finally, I was like: “Babe, clam chowder. She said the soup is clam chowder.”
Awesome.
Where Did You Think You'd Be?
Me: “Blah. I woke up last night and couldn’t sleep for about 30 minutes.”
Him: “Was I there?”
Me: long pause “Yeah… Did you go somewhere in the middle of the night that I should know about?”
added by leigh 10/29/2008
"Wow, you sure ate that fast"
No girl wants to hear that. EVER. Needless to say, he got some SERIOUS schooling after that remark.
added by Elijay 10/29/2008
"The girl I date HAS to have big boobs."
Reason number 34 why I’m thrilled to be OUT of the dating world.
added by mswen 10/29/2008
Said as a Boyfriend...
“I’ve already slept with you like a thousand times — I’m not sure that impressing you is necessary anymore.”
added by JayFerris 10/30/2008
"Baby you know if you want my attention, all you have to do is take your shirt off."
Seriously. He said this so matter of factly, as if I SHOULD have known this all along. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last long.
added by Coffee Slut 10/29/2008
Doesn't this girl look smart, interesting, and totally worthy of attention?
Or . . . maybe it’s because her shirt is coming off and she’s drinking Corona Light. I can never tell.
"Babe, I love you. I love all of you. The good, and the bad, and the . . .
er, ugly. I mean, well, you’re not ugly."
Another winner.
"Singing in karakoke, next song is for u...Bed of roses. :)"
Well, he isn’t technically my boyfriend and I actually felt honored that he chose a Bon Jovi classic for me and texted at 2am to tell me this.
added by aliciak 12/27/2008
"Things My Boyfriend Says" Blog
I just found this out there on the interwebz. We all better hope these two boyfriends don’t meet – I think the world might implode . . .
"Holy crap, it smells like poo in here. Baby, did you blow it up or what!?"
This was said upon re-entering our small apartment with his friend, Dave.
Um, what exactly is the right answer here?
I think I blushed, shot him daggers, then retreated into the bedroom. Which is, I suppose, a yes.
"You're like my Mom in that way . . . "
Ooooph. Gag. What? I think I got punched in the stomach, threw up in my mouth, and misheard you all at the same time.
Nothing against his Mom – she’s beautiful and a very smart lady. But no one likes being compared to the woman who bore her man into the world. It’s just . . . icky.
"I like your small boobs. You're athletic."
True. And sweet.
But still. Omission of the word ‘small’ would have been prudent.
.jpg "Ecstasy")
Couples Counselling
Got a hyper-verbal partner? Here are some places to go for some good old-fashioned therapy:
"Other people make mac & cheese better."
Upon clarification, what he meant was, “other people always make mac & cheese better than I can.” i.e., whenever you go to someone else’s house, they make it better. I’m not sure I agree with that…I think I always make it better. :)
added by aliciak 10/27/2008
Toilet Seat Imprint Butt
“It was funny, yesterday when you came out to the pool from the bathroom you had the toilet seat imprint on your butt.”
What every woman wants to hear when she prances out of the bathroom and passes about 100 people to get to her lounge chair…
added by AlexandraF 10/29/2008
The Standard
8300 Sunset Blvd, West Hollywood, CA 90069
Not where the toilet seat imprint comment was made, but it would suck to have it happen here too!
Not where the toilet seat imprint comment was made, but it would suck to have it happen here too!
added by AlexandraF 10/29/2008
"Ya, You've Gained Some Weight"
Me (grumbling in the mirror): grosss, I’m getting a little muffin top.
BF: Ya, you’ve gained some weight. I’ve noticed.
Me: What?!
BF: Ya, you know when you can’t button your pants and then your tummy kind of hangs over the top when you do? I don’t like that.
Me: WHAT?!
Bf: Just saying. I still love you….
NOT OK! Needless to say our doomed relationship ended shortly there after.
added by carlylyly 12/03/2008
"So you know I've been married before? Don't worry, it wasn't a real marriage anyway. I just wanted free rent."
True story.
added by Pewpewpew 12/05/2008
This one just in:
I’m talking away while getting dressed . . . he says,
“Babe, so cool! I just figured out that there’s a place in our house where I can’t hear you!”
Dude.
"Make sure you look good"
Said to me before I started getting ready to go attend his grandmother’s funeral. UMMM. A. I always look good. and B. Are you really saying this to me right now? Needless to say, the relationship ended right after the funeral (but unfortunately lasted 3 years prior to).
added by Susie 12/29/2008
Cancer on the Outside
So I have to post this for my wife because I promised I would. This morning in the car we were talking about past family medical histories. I was talking about my two aunts who have had cancer and said that it wasn’t really bad cancer because…………………. they had it on the inside.
To which she responded, “As opposed to?”
Yeah, I know, my brilliance amazes me everyday.
added by Hi Liner 01/09/2009
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I think this is my most favorite Guidespot guide! The big boobs thing really is universal for men. Thankfully (I think?), I’ve got ’em. :)
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These are some great suggestions. Thanks!
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