You're Gay?! What it's really like to be a boy who likes boys

by emerald_dandy
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September 21, 2009

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While the stereotypical lifestyle of the homosexual community seems that of rainbows and butterflies, I can assure you this is often times far from the truth. Join me as I expose the reality of what it's really like to be attracted to the same gender (limp wrists and lisps optional).

Dating the same sex is a lot harder than it seems

To the heteros of the world: consider yourself lucky. Dating the same sex can be exhausting. You have your guy friends (or your lady friends if you’re female), and then you have the opposite sex, which you’re always trying to pursue. Seems pretty easy, right?

Imagine having your boyfriends, while also having A boyfriend? Not only does this make the dating game extremely difficult, but loving the same sex leaves you subjected to a single gender leaving the opposite virtually hanging out to dry. Yes of course many of us can tolerate the opposite sex, but sometimes they just do not understand.

Aside from the emotional distinction between friend and lover (which is a task in itself), logistically it can just be a disaster. No need to go into the dirty details (I’ll save that for later), but it’s not as easy as the birds and the bees taught us when we were young.

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I KNOW what a boy wants

Men, remember that girl you were with that was REALLY good in bed? And ladies, remember that guy you dated who knew how to hit the right spot? Consider it a perk of enjoying the same sex, because I can honestly say that I know what a boy wants.

Why? Newsflash readers, I am one! I know what I want, therefore, I know what a boy wants. Though I’ve talked about the sometime logistical nightmare, the sex is still pretty awesome since it’s near perfect everytime. Of course we’ll still find our partners who are inexperienced and don’t even know what to do with themselves, but we all know sex is like pizza:

If it’s good, it’s REALLY good; if it’s bad, it’s still pretty damn good.

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It's Britney, bitch

Gay boys don’t have your typical idols – we don’t go after presidents, athletes, or any other person you’d THINK we’d admire. Instead we idolize Britney, Madonna, Kylie, Kathy, you name it. After all, who wants to admire someone whose running the country when you have someone attacking paparazzi’s with an umbrella?

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The dating pool is actually the size of a small puddle

Okay, so lets say that half of the city comprises men, and the second half comprise women and your odds aren’t too shabby, right? Try again; imagine that of the men available only about a fifth of them are interested in other men (and this is being extremely liberal). That being said, the dating pool is ridiculously small; considered to be more like the size of a small puddle. No matter the size of the city, chances are you more than likely know just about everyone in the pool, and chances are you (or an ex, or an ex of an ex) have slept together. After all, you can’t swing a dick anywhere without running into someone whose slept with someone you know.

If we’re seriously interested in meeting someone, chances are we can’t wander the city in hopes of finding our next love. Instead we’re typically confined to the gayborhood hitting up the same places each weekend. Now I may be borderline stereotypical, but the odds of me finding my soulmate in Ballard is truly slim to none.

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We are harmless. Truly harmless.

Heteros, we homos have something to say: we’re harmless. We wont hurt a fly (most of us even can’t), in fact, we’ve primarily figured one thing out: we’re here to enjoy life.

Men – don’t be afraid, we’re not going to try and get you in bed. If anything, we’re probably judging you and thinking about how ill fitted your jeans are. Don’t think that we have nothing in common either, because life is more to us than Britney and Madonna (though you must understand their importance). Like you, most of us can chat with you about one of the following: cars, music, movies, sports.

Ladies – there is no need to be intimidated by our beauty. In fact, if you let us take you under our wings, you too could look just as beautiful as us. But seriously, if we start taking a fancy to you it’s because we think you’re fierce (and hope you’re looking for a personal stylist on the side). And yes, you will have to understand that the closer we get, the more important we become in your life… sometimes even more so than your own husband.

We’ve got style, we’ve got class, and we’re here to have a good time. Why WOULDN’T you want to befriend one of us?!

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We don't all sashay down the street with our rainbow flag

Just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we sashay down the street everyday, screaming “We’re here, we’re queer,” nor run around with a rainbow flag. Yes, being gay is a part of our life, but that doesn’t mean we have to advertise it on a bus ad. You’d actually be surprised by the amount of same sex individuals in your life who you would’ve never expected.

Many of us are just like you: businessmen (and women), avid sports fans, recreational drinkers, you name it. Though some of us may have style and culture, we are just like you. So the next time you see a guy trapesing down the street in booty shorts and a midriff exposing tanktop, just remember the vast majority of us are NOT like that.

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It's like high school ALL over again

If you’ve seen the movie Mean Girls, then you can get an idea of what life is like. Gay boys thrive off drama (well, not all of us), we’re very cliquey (trying to make a new friend is like breaking into The Pentagon), and everyone knows everything. Though we all wanted to escape high school it still feels like we’re amidst the halls between classes once again; this time with cocktails in hand.

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We know how to get down

Can you picture your boyfriend dressed like this? I didn’t think so.

Face it people, homos know how to have a good time. We know about all the hotspots and what’s going on any given night. We have a knack for finding stiff drinks and beautiful eye-candy (gay, straight, you name it).

If you’re ever feeling down or just need to let loose latch on to your favorite gay. Take it from me, they’ll make sure you have an incredibly memorable night (if you don’t black out), of tasteful and harmless fun.

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: by withoutaclue 03/31/2009 Reply

Nice job. So i seek some of your wisdom…As you said gay guys are very cliquey, what is the best way to meet/make friends with other gay guys? I wish I had the guts to come out while in college, it would have been so much easier to meet people.

: by aliciak 03/27/2009 Reply

Hmm my crochet rainbow link didn’t paste correctly into your shout-out…but perhaps it belongs here anyway! http://www.etsy.com/search_results_shop.php?sea…

: by emerald_dandy 03/27/2009 Reply

Aliciak, ethwiny, meanbean, matt – thank you thank you THANK YOU!!

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You're Gay?! What it's really like to be a boy who likes boys