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Tattoos - An Anti-Guide

By brianp
updated 2 months ago

Tattoos are awesome, everyone agrees. There's no doubt about that. But what happens when you get a lousy tattoo? Well, you should post it on the Internet for everyone to see.

Let me state for the record that I have tattoos. I like tattoos. No, you can’t see them.

This is a guide to the tattoos you should NOT get. If any of the following look good to you, seek spiritual or psychological guidance.

Bad Tattoos #1 - the Simple

These are some simple ideas (I think) that just got out of hand.

Really? You just can’t afford a pistol so you tattoo one? Is this going to impress your girlfriend when the cops are beating your ass on the pavement?

WTF? Seriously, WTF is this?

I admire your honesty. And pity you.

OMGWTFBBQLOL – you’re doing it wrong.

Spelling – lern it dumbass.

Submitted for Your Approval...

Clem and young Butch practice trading tattoos for cigarettes in the mini-big house.

Bad Tattoos #2 - the Back Tattoo

Very often, there are some really badass back tattoos – I’m not talking about the tramp stamp, but full back tattoos. These are not examples of that.

Daughter. Country. Star Wars. These are the things that make this world a great place. Or something.

Real or fake, it’s funny.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Gasp for air Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Bad Tattoos #3 - the Face

Getting other people’s faces on your body is a tough one – with the right artist you have a piece of art. With your prison buddy giving you one, well…
The other part of this is getting a tattoo on your face. Don’t…do…it.

If it’s wrong to laugh at this, I don’t want to be right.

Again, wtf?

FAIL? Yes, yes he does.

Chocolate Rain

I move away from the mic to get a lousy tattoo.

Mike Tyson. That’s really all that needs to be said.

Nice of this guy to tell us who/what he is.

AGGGGHHHH!! Kill it with fire!!!

Bad Tattoos #4 - Characters

Kind of like faces, getting characters on yourself is dicey. See the proof below.

If Boba Fett is praying to the same God as you, you may have a severe ontological problem.

Maybe Star Wars is just really popular for tattoos and I missed that memo.

Irony, thy name is tattoo.

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Bad Tattoos #5 - Animals

Should I even say anything?

Poor scruffy.

Yeah, you’re still pretty much a furry to me.

Bad Tattoos #6 - The All-time Worst Tats

These go above and beyond the categories above into their own world of worst.

Mr. Cool ICE

He’s Mr. Cool ICE. Don’t bother Mr. Cool ICE with your stupid questions. He’s busy being Mr. Cool ICE.

Mr. Cool ICE's back.

Mr. Cool ICE’s back. This is what you’ll see when you look up from the ground after Mr. Cool ICE kicks your ass.

Mr. Cool ICE

The video that explains it all. The unified theory of Mr. Cool ICE.

The Sun is There!

Tattoo in the eye. This hurts to look at.

Wow. This just screams “Yeah, I drink a lot.”

In Conclusion

God I hate it when people end articles this way, but fuck it.

Well, if you have a really bad tattoo (and if you do, please take a picture to share with the internet), here’s a couple of resources for you in the Denver area to take care of it.