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Swing Like The New York B & T Elite
- by matt_fried
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- August 26, 2008
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"Bridge and Tunnel" is a euphemism that, sadly, went out with "affordable studio apartment." That doesn't mean though that New York suburbanites still aren't interesting. For decades, dwellers on the north end of New Jersey and the entire hemisphere of Long Island have showed up in Manhattan to play, party, and act as if they own the place; albeit, a four block radius of the place. I've put in my time with these fascinating and frightening creatures. Though I never desire to be one ever again, I can't say they don't have a special place in my heart. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: The Out-Of-Towners.
Brother Jimmy's BBQ
416 8th Avenue New York, NY 10001
Brother Jimmy’s seems to always be the home away from home for the commuter set. Whenever Jimmy Buffet is in town, you’ve never seen so many goatees and hawaiian shirts in one place. I’m not one for the yuppie set there, though their recently added take-away burger bar ain’t half bad.
Starbucks
600 8th Avenue 1, New York, NY 10018
Suburbanites love familiarity and fear anything below 14th Street. Therefore, what better way to seem “New York Hip” than Starbucks. This one in particular I’ve always noticed is frequented often by the out-of-town set. I guess between the surly staff and the large second floor, it’s just like back home in Huntington.
Suburbanites love familiarity and fear anything below 14th Street. Therefore, what better way to seem “New York Hip” than Starbucks. This one in particular I’ve always noticed is frequented often by the out-of-town set. I guess between the surly staff and the large second floor, it’s just like back home in Huntington.
Home to the few, the proud, the drunk.
Want to know obnoxious? Hang out in front after a Rangers game.
Want to know obnoxious? Hang out in front after a Rangers game.
Abercrombie & Fitch
720 Fifth Avenue New York, NY 10019
Teenage girls from every “sixth borough” can’t help but drag their parents/boyfriends/Facebook hook-up to the fabled Abercrombie store on 5th Avenue. The big draw? The (gasp) half-naked male jean models that are paid to stand around and look awesome. Consider it catnip for the Gossip Girl set.
Blarney Stone
410 8th Avenue, New York, NY 10001
Another Penn Station-centric hang for LIRR jockeys. Blarney Stone is nothing spectacular… until karaoke night happens. You don’t know extraordinary until you’ve heard two guys from Jersey belt “You’re boootifull, you’re boootifull” at two in the morning.
Another Penn Station-centric hang for LIRR jockeys. Blarney Stone is nothing spectacular… until karaoke night happens. You don’t know extraordinary until you’ve heard two guys from Jersey belt “You’re boootifull, you’re boootifull” at two in the morning.
Washington Square Park
Here, Michael Tartiglia is reborn as Johnny Protest Song.
Washington Square Park has been many things over the decades. Nowadays, if you’re looking to score cheap bud or stage performance art, that’s still not unusual here. Every year, without fail, thousands of suburban teenagers cut school and hang out in WSP, hoping to look hip. A few dozen will show up with guitars and sing the next great “I Hate Bush” song. Either way, you have to admire their spirit… their sweet, naive, heavily cliched spirit.
Pennsylvania Station
8th Avenue at 31st Street New York, NY 10001
The main hub of every Long Islander and Jersey kid that passes into The Big Apple. I don’t think of Penn Station as part of New York City. Rather it is permanent annexed by the warring factions of commuter communities.
It's So... Gentrified?
In my experience, many suburbanites fear the greater Manhattan area that isn’t Midtown. I actually remember a woman once telling me she refused to go to The Upper West Side for fear that it eventually became Harlem. That said, let’s take a look at some of the “safer” New York neighborhoods.
Times Square – A former pervert’s paradise with adult movie theaters, hookers, and hustlers as far as the eye could see. Now, you can go watch Mary Poppins, The Musical in a converted grindhouse theater.
Hells Kitchen - They used to say don’t go below 8th Avenue. Now, there’s enough new wave restaurants there to make you wonder “Why not?”
Chelsea – In the 1970s, everyone waxed poetic about the Chelsea’s hazy sexual freedom. Now, bloggers complain about paying $2100 a month for a one bedroom on 22nd Street.
Kip’s Bay - Proof that government housing can make it as remodeled, high-priced condos.
St. Marks Place
St. Marks… on a good day.
Don’t let the calm photo fool you, St. Marks Place turns into a madhouse on Friday and Saturday night. That’s when all the punk rock kids from Montclair show up, get a burrito at Chipotle and then hang out in the CBGBs store until someone kicks them out.
Burn Your Billy Joel Records
His music is still the bane of my existence.
I Hate The Music of Billy Joel
In the very early days of my blog, Holden Caulfield, Etc., I struggled with trying to be original and funny. Holding to this point of view often stalled me from writing and posting on a regular basis. This is one of the first posts I ever wrote. Yes, it is very raw, and at times rambling, but I can’t think of any other way to express my true disdain for the work of The Piano Man.
Suburban New York Unite!
My Bridge & Tunnel Past
I grew up in South Jersey and went to college on Long Island. Before I moved to New York City to start my life as a hipster-in-denial writer and comedian, I knew the simpler side of New York life. They often that there are many different types of New Yorkers. Though I am not a huge fan of Long Island, I find myself missing it sometimes in the midst of “awesomeness” that is New York City in 2008. I don’t know; maybe it’s the cheaper bagels or having a car, but I’m glad I got those four years in as a New York suburbanite before my move happened. There definitely was a yeoman quality of life out there that is a nice counter-balance to the chaos of Manhattan. Had I gone to school in the city, I probably would’ve gotten lost in the flood. That all said, I still hate the Yankees… with a burning passion.
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I still don’t understand the draw of St. Marks…I used to live at 9th St. and 2nd Ave. and had to walk across it to the train at various times. I always had that WTF feeling. WHY is this cool again???
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Always enjoy your guides! You’re funny and smart….what’s wrong with you?
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