Superstars and Wannabes: Your Guide to Karaoke Personalities

The Regular

Personality
You’ll always find a karaoke regular at the better establishments.  This person either lives very close to a karaoke bar, or just really really loves karaoke and goes all the time.  More often than not, he or she will choose a relatively obscure song that they were thrilled to find in the catalog at first and decided to practice over and over to karaoke perfection, which they will never really achieve because practice isn’t part of the game.

Definitive Songs

• Anything from the Rat Pack
• Bohemian Rhapsody (they think being a regular gives them license to take over the stage for a few millennia)

The Sex Kitten

Personality
Though this personality mostly applies to women, I’ve seen men try to pull these stunts too.  Oftentimes, this person is with a date that she wants to impress.  As a means to this end, she will prove her chutzpah by picking the sexiest song she can find in the book and singing it in a raspy whisper to her date, usually accompanied by some sultry hip bumps and, if the venue allows for it, a (hopefully) G-rated lap dance.

Definitive Songs

• Fever
• Anything from The Immaculate Collection

The Wannabe

American Idol auditions only come around once a year and you’ve got to practice somehow.  The Wannabe takes it upon herself to practice at karaoke night.  The problem with this personality, though she is undoubtedly a “good” singer is that she will choose something boring (OMG, CELINE!) and sing it all pretty and that’s just NO FUN.

Definitive Songs

• Hero
• My Heart Will Go On
• Beautiful

Superstar

Personality
The elusive karaoke superstar is actually a good karaoke singer.  It is important to note the “karaoke” modifier before the word “singer” because this is quite different from just being a good singer period.  In karaoke, it is important not only to sound (kind of) good, but also to have a personality that entertains a room full of drunk people.  This means laying off the Christina Aguilera-style flourishes, choosing a song that isn’t too obscure, but isn’t too obvious and having fun without taking yourself too seriously.  Yes, this is truly the karaoke personality that we should all strive for.

Definitive Songs

• Ballroom Blitz
• Solitary Man

American Inebriated Idol

Personality
Most karaokers, myself included, fall into this category.  We are not the best singers, but nor are they the worst.  In a sober state, there would be no convincing them to get on stage, but 3 or 6 cocktails in and the suggestion does seem like a good idea, doesn’t it?  They pick a favorite song, or maybe a really obvious one and spend as much time giggling into the mic as they do singing.  They are also LOUD.

Definitive Songs

• I Will Survive
• Sweet Home Alabama

The Falsely Modest

Personality
This is quite possibly the most obnoxious of all karaoke personalities.  This guy or girl insists on a lot of begging and pleading to get up onto the stage, repeatedly lamenting “Oh no, I’m just awful” or “No, no, you don’t want to see that!”  But once that microphone is in his hand and the words splash across the screen, he is TRANSFORMED.  He belts out his song confidently and in key, adding annoying flourishes and the “Oh, yeah!”s that they don’t bother putting in the lyrics.  Then, when the music fades out, he sheepishly looks at the floor and shuffles off.

Definitive Songs
With Arms Wide Open