Social Networking and Your Marriage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NELawADm5jc WMUR-TV (Manchester NH) recently did a story on the impact of social networking on relationships. I participated in this piece, It seems to have drawn a lot of discussion around "blaming Facebook" versus the many issues involved with jealousy, insecurities, infidelity, and so on. Of course I agree that Facebook is not the "cause" of an affair any more than other places where you meet people ... And each has it's own characteristics (e.g., the workplace, a bar, a college class, the neighborhood, etc.) But I do think it's interesting and useful to consider characteristics of each "place" to learn what we can. For example, I think Facebook is notably an individual activity (his page versus her page, though you can link them). The boundaries are interesting: anyone who is "friended" attains the same status, and so you have quite the heterogeneous collection of people, from your colleagues and boss, to your neighbors, friends, in-laws, children, and oh, the old girlfriend from high school! Because Facebook has such penetration these days, it's hard to "ignore" a friend request without it being obvious that you're ignoring; or to "de-friend" without it being sometimes obvious. People can pop-up from all parts of your life, present and past -- with a certain "push" quality, i.e., you didn't necessarily go looking for them. I think it can be useful for couples to talk about the boundaries of their relationship, and Facebook brings these to the fore. Whether one talks about it (and grows closer), or acts on it secretively (and grows apart) is in the hands of the individual ... or couple. I stand by my suggestions made in the video, that couples should openly share their Facebook activities -- not because they "need their partner's permission," as one reader quipped, but because it's a vehicle to be closer. If you are not sharing something because you expect your partner to be upset, then that's a "red flag" ...