MADISON AVENUE.....

When I say the words, “Madison Avenue” I immediately start talking like Madonna (ya know, the faux English accent which I suppose is a high-brow tone as well?) Some of the worlds most luxurious boutiques are located on Madison Avenue, which translates to: Rich biatches have been torturing the poor retail women on Madison Avenue at an alarming rate. It could also translate to: Overly priced clothing or clothing the Average Joe will never, ever wear.

Jean and a tee are not a New York staple, so just leave them at home.

Check out some of these Madison Avenue stores:

Jimmy Choo – As seen in; Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and The City’s INSANE shoe collection.

Barney’s- As seen in; Will and Grace, Jack Mcfarland was an employee.

Valentino- As seen on; Jennifer Lopez, her second? wedding dress was designed by Valentino himself.

Roberto Cavalli-  Worn by; Nicole Richie, Sienna Miller, J.LO (when she attempted covering the baby bump), Beyonce, and more.

Chloe- Worn by; Mischa Barton and Paris Hilton

Now you mere mortals can spend “star money!’

A night at the OPERAAAAAA

Now, some people- even those who are not snobby, genuinely enjoy opera.
Whoever you people are….good for you?

What the opera is really all about in New York City is OPENING NIGHT.

The opening night gala is all about dressing fancy, hopefully landing in the “society pages” and sipping champagne while parrying backhanded compliments by total strangers. A seen very famously on The “Real” Housewives of New York City…...

Summers in New York.....

.....can be quite uncomfortable, you’re in a cramped space, sweating your face off and rubbing up against other sweaty strangers. Add insult to injury when throw steaming hot trash on the street corner to ferment. The solution:

A HOUSE IN THE HAMPTONS!
All the cool kids are doing it. The cool kids meaning, the rich folks.

Try dinner@ Bobby Van’s:
 2393 Montauk Hwy, Bridgehampton, NY
 
party the night away  @ Dune:
1181 N Sea Rd, Southampton, NY

Snob points +20

Want to be the ultimate snob? BE SOMEBODY.

Here’s the trick, in order to reach maximum snobbishness, you will need to be “somebody special” and being that somebody, means getting your name among those in Page Six, New York’s ultimate gossip paper.

There are a few ways to do this, either stumble upon an oil mine and do something ridiculous in public like drink too much absinthe at the ballet and jump on stage OR get to know the socialites.

Here’s your homework, remember these names by Monday:

• Tinsley Mortimer- Manhattan socialite married to hedge fund developer.
• Olivia Palermo- quoted for saying, ” “I may be a young girl…but behind every young
  girl is a powerful father.”
• Byrdie Bell
• Lydia Hearst- heiress to publishing fortune.
• Margherita Missoni- heir to Missoni fashion house

ALSO ON MADISON AVE:

HIRE A DRIVER:

Taxi’s may be efficient, however they don’t scream class! If you have someone in an uncomfortable suit opening your door while calling you “Miss.” you earn Snob Points +5