Why The Skinny Jean Should Be Destroyed

Squeeze Yourself In

The only way to get into these new American Apparel jeans is to lay down and mummify yourself into them. Let them meld into your skin so that you can just wear them all the time! Umm the only catch is, you can’t eat for a good week or so. Possibly even a month, but I don’t think these pants are worth it.

Don't Look Down

This is what you might see after you put them on. That is, if you CAN get them on. I’ve been here way too often in the dressing room. I used to think that the dressing room mirrors were devices to trick my mind, but now I realize that its the pants I was trying on! There is nothing wrong with a nice pair of non skinny jeans.

I don’t know about you, but I’ll just stick to my usual size that feesl just fine.

Everyone Is Doing It

It seems as if everyone is wearing the skinny jean these days. Celebrities pull it off the best though. They don’t eat anyway, so it only makes sense that they would have a pair.

Everyone in this picture is happy to be wearing the jean except for the girl in the skirt. She looks like she’s crying because before she left the house, she couldn’t fit into a pair. To top it off, she’s walking next to Kate Moss. I’d cry too.

Don't Eat Anything Solid

Solid foods will only bloat you so you can’t fit into the jeans. Blan smoothies are the only way to go. This might be telling you too much though. The suggested way to wear the skinny jeans is to eat NOTHING at all, but there are options out there.

Joey Ramone

The Godfather of Skinny Jeans. Why? Because he had skinny legs that filled out SLIM LEGS very well. Thanks for ruining another alternative icon, pop culture.

Confession

Not gonna lie. I actually love my skinny jeans. If you can’t fit into them, you’re wearing them wrong! They don’t have to be super duper tight; just skinny on the bottom. This looks cute, no?

But the best reason for skinny jeans? Boots fit over them so perfectly. No fabric bunching up and being uncomfortable inside your boot.

Come on, embrace the skinny jean!!

You Can't Move

Just don’t move that much and you’ll be ok. Too much movement could cause a rip in the crotch, thigh, or butt area. That wouldn’t be very fun. Especially if you’re at that Emo party trying to impress them with the pants you finally squeezed into.

Try the slow walk. This involves shuffling your feet and taking very small steps, while looking at the floor to make sure nothing is blocking your path.

Latex Leggings

If skinny jeans are evil, then latex leggings are the tool of the devil. Not only do they make your thighs look like blimps, but they slightly resemble the same material that garbage bags are made from.

The Answer: Leggings that look like jeans!!!!

I know this is a little late Coffee Slut, but I had to let you know that I, an ex women’s soccer player, figured this s**t out!!

It’s the legging that looks like a jean! It is awesome and not to be over-dramatic, it has changed my life.

Mine are from Prairie Underground