Categories: Eat & Drink; Local & Entertainment

Seattle: Sir Mix-A-Lot's (& Posse's) Guide to Broadway

By JayFerris
updated 27 days ago

A man, his posse, and a night that will forever live in infamy, not to mention the archives of Yo! MTV Raps.

Once Upon A Time

In the far away land of 1988, rap was still considered music, and $1/gallon gas meant that cruising the streets didn’t require a trip to Money Tree. An astute gentleman keen on living life in the moment, young Anthony Ray (aka Sir Mix-a-Lot) set out on an impromptu late night sojourn with his friends, or “posse” as it were. Join me now as I retrace their steps on that fateful evening, one that coalesced in a wildly entertaining adventure of bumpin’, bitches, and burgers.

To allow for the full effect of this chronological, turn-by-turn account, you’ll want to make sure you read all the way down the left column before moving on to the right.

Me and Kid Sensation at home away from home, in the black Benz limo with tha cellular phone.

I’m callin’ up my posse its time to get rippin’, I’m freakin’ each sunroof to keep you suckas trippin’.

Everybody’s lookin’ if ya jealous turn around, the AMG kip keeps us closa to the ground.

We’re gettin’ good grip from the 50 series tires, the Alpine’s bumpin’ but I need the volume higher.

Cuz the 808 kick drum makes the girlies get dumb, we’re rollin’ Rainier and the jealous wanna get some.

Every time we do this sucka MC’s wanna battle, I’m the man they love to hate the J.R. Ewing of Seattle…

Oberto Sausage Company

1715 Rainier Ave S, Seattle, WA 98144

This is also the location of the Oh Boy! Oberto Factory Outlet. It’s just like it sounds too; a giant store of assorted discount dried meats and sausages. Best to stock up the limo before heading on to Jackson.

Moonlight Cafe

1919 S Jackson St, Seattle, WA 98144

This little hole-in-the-wall joint is a vegetarian Vietnamese house, and you would do well for yourself by ordering a gigantic bowl of noodles. For those meat-lovers out there, try stepping completely out of your element and ordering off their vegan “green” menu, as it’s definitely some of the best chow in town that never used to have a face.

Hidmo Eritrean Cuisine

2000 S Jackson St, Seattle, WA 98144

Some people are naturally freaked out by Ethiopian cuisine, but I suggest you put yourself out there and embrace the well-spiced treats that await you at Hidmo. It’s not as traditional as other places, and features a lot of different cultural hip hop acts throughout the week. Back in the day you know that Mix-a-Lot and his posse would’ve opened this place up.

Starbucks Coffee

2300 S Jackson St, Seattle, WA 98144

The posse’s hanging at the 23rd & Jackson Starbucks, getting amped on Americanos and strudel before headin’ out for some action.

On Martin Luther King the set looks kinda dead, we need a new street so posse move ahead.

We all look kinda SWASS the crew you can’t forget, the mix a lot posse cold rippin’ up the set.

My posse’s on Broadway!! (posse up!)

Ahhhh rollin’ in my posse was gettin’ kinda bored, there’s not anotha posse with more points scored.

We don’t walk around like criminals or flex like big gorillas, my homeboy Kid Sensation is a teenage lady killa.

Maharaji’s on the def side dancin’ like a freak, the girlies see his booty and their knees get weak.

Larry is the white guy people think he’s funny, a real estate investa who makes a lot a money.

Clockin’ lots a dollars we all got gold, cruisin’ in this Benz and ain’t got no place to go.

Wheelin’ 23rd we saw nuthin’ but thugs, the girlies was to skinny from smokin’ all them drugs.

Cuz the rock man got em and there butts just drop, the freaks look depressed because the Benz wont stop…

Garfield High School

400 23 Av, Seattle, WA 98122

The Central District has had its fair share of crime problems throughout the history of Seattle, but tough love from the Seattle public school system has kept Garfield relatively clean. Good thing too, or else Mix-a-Lot and his posse probably would have gotten their asses limojacked otherwise.

Ezell's Fried Chicken

501 23rd Ave, Seattle, WA 98122

Ezell’s is one of the few places I’ve actually run into a minute before closing, fingers crossed that they would still serve me. Have no doubt that the chicken is what brings ‘em in, but it’s the legendary extras like cole slaw and sweet potato pie that has everyone coming back for more.

Thompson's Point of View

2308 E Union St, Seattle, WA 98122

23rd and Union marks Seattle’s unofficial hub of soul food, with Thompson’s being one of the main focal points of the area. It’s just unfortunate that this focus is usually around some form of police activity and not the food.

Mediterranean Express

1417 Broadway, Seattle, WA 98122

It’s Greek, it’s fairly inexpensive, and it’s miles above your typical gyro barn. First timers have to try the lamb schwarma, but be careful; this pungent, full-flavored dish is so inexplicably tasty, you’ll have to fight the urge to rub it all over your bare chest. If you find this to be a losing battle, at the very least try to make it home first.

Walgreens Drug Store

1531 Broadway, Seattle, WA 98122

If I were you I’d swing in here to pick up some Trojans, and make sure when the time comes you double bag your beef missile. Girlies by the college that get into random limousines are awesome, but who knows what they’re bringing with them that you want no part of.

Seattle Community College-Central Campus

1701 Broadway, Seattle, WA 98122

Some originally thought that Mix-a-Lot was referring to the “college girlies” of nearby Seattle University. However, Seattle University is a Jesuit school and it’s girlies are long in bed by the time SMaL and his posse are on Broadway. What they’re looking for is those filthy community college girls anyway.

Broadway Market

401 Broadway E Ste 223, Seattle, WA 98102

This mini-mall is all sorts of crazy—both filled with some crazy good shops like Trendy Wendy and Urban Outfitters, and literally rife with crazies. Not that it’s dangerous, but I’d be lying if I said I never went out of my way to go here in hopes of having a funny vagrant/hipster/transsexual story to tell later.

Pagliacci Pizza

426 Broadway E, Seattle, WA 98102

Pizza connoisseurs and drunken frat boys alike will love Pagliacci’s authentic-style dishes. This isn’t the kind of pizza you just settle on, eating robotically and purely for the sustenance. This is the kind of pie you take your first bite of, then do the whole “gaze at it while nodding your head in extreme approval” move. You know the one I’m talking about.

Dick’s is the place were the cool hang out, the SWASS like to play and the rich flaunt clout.

Posse to the burger stand so big we walk in twos, we’re gettin’ dirty looks from those other sucka crews.

Kid Sensation dropped a 20 and didn’t even miss it, this skeezer from another crew she picked it up and kissed it.

Her boyfriend’s illin’ he went to slap her face, my homeboy PLD cold sprayed the boy with mace.

Cuz I never liked a punk who beat up on his girl, if you don’t have game then let her leave your world.

We took the girl with us, with him she rode the bus, she gave the boy the finger and the sucka starts to cuss,

Boy I got a def posse you got a bunch a dudes, your broke cold crying about the rock man blues.

Ya beat up on your girl and now your all upset, she’s with the Mix-A-Lot posse on the Broadway set…

Dick's Drive-Ins Ltd Lp

115 Broadway E, Seattle, WA 98102

Other than their awesome shakes and ice cream, Dick’s has about 5 meal items on it’s menu. Don’t get me wrong, it’s more than ample to satisfy even the most discerning individual. I only wish I had more than two hands to shovel them into my gaping maw.