Signs She's Not That Into You

She Orders the Most Expensive Thing on the Menu

‘Cause you’re a sucker and she is just trying to get fed.

When we really like a dude, he can take us to 7-11 for a Slurpee for all we care.

She Meets you for Dinner with a Cold Sore

Cause she is hungry and she doesn’t give a shit what you think, anyway.

She Insists on Walking Home

‘Cause she can’t even stand being with you for the drive home.

Seriously, if we like a guy, we are totally trying to get in his ride, cause that is one step closer to getting in his pants.

She Openly Talks About her Astrologer

Cause she knows it freaks you out.

She Shows up Looking Like This

Cause she’s been up all night with someone else doing smack.

She Ignores Your Friend Request

When a girl likes you, she also likes to analyze you… Analyzing you is very easy once we have access into reading what people are saying to you on your wall, your interests, and of course, all of your photos…

If I just never accept your friend request, either I am not interested or don’t want you to see the trouble I am getting into.

She Answers the Phone Mid-Coitus

Not that I’ve ever had this happen or anything.

Besides, she was waiting for a call from her “sick Aunt.” No need to elaborate on why I put that in quotes.

Sigh.

She Untags herself from your couple Facebook pics

Back in the day, it was so much easier to not be into someone when it came to photographs. Shove those cheezy framed pics of the two of you in a drawer. But now, it’s all complicated: you tag her in that photo from your Valentine’s Day dinner at Outback, but when you’re Facebook-stalking her, you notice she has untagged herself. Interesting.

She Works at a Place Like This

’Cause she is PAID to pretend like she likes you, stupid.

She Shows up Drunk

And/or drinks heavily throughout the date and/or sex. Ouch.

You're Friends With Guys That Look Like This

She Texts During Your Date

No, she’s not texting her mom to tell her she’s met the love of her life. She’s either texting her bff to laugh about how lame you are or the hotter dude that she is going to meet up with later. Or possibly taking notes for her blog. About how lame you are.

She Brings a Friend...

Especially if it’s another guy.

She Doesn't Want To Hear You

Dude, if I was into you, and you started chatting me up at the gym, I would at least take out my ipod earphones to give you my attention… aka, show you I was interested. If she leaves them on, yes, even if you are stupid enough to try to talk to her on the elliptical, take it as a sign that she would rather be doing squats… and no, not on you.

She Insists on "Going Dutch"

If she wants to split anything, take it as a greater statement for how she feels about your relationship.

Also, if you split the cost of dinner, movie, or whatever, she is not obligated to pity f@*k you.