Activities That Should Be Extreme Sports
Yesterday, I was cutting up a mango and I was like damn, this is so hard, this should be an extreme sport. And that got me thinking that some things are WAY underrated for their degree of difficulty. What do you think should be granted extreme sport status?
Mango Slicing
Have you ever tried to cut up one these? It’s damn hard! Mangoes are slippery suckers, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost lost a finger during a mango slicing exercise.
Concert Going
I don’t know how I went to multiple shows a week in my “younger” days. It’s loud, it’s pushy, and it’s downright dangerous. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been smacked in the head at a show. And they call football a contact sport!
Law School
All the law school students I know don’t seem to do anything but sleep, eat, and study (and it seems like more often than not they skip the whole sleeping part). The whole thing sounds more grueling than the Iditarod.
Babysitting
Don’t get me wrong, I like kids, but they will suck the lifeblood outta you like nobody’s business. Or like a small vampire.
Just in case you forgot how crazy babysitting can be when you get mistaken for a centerfold model.
Shopping at Ikea
Shopping at Ikea isn’t so much a contact sport (although you might have to beat someone to the punch if you want those remaining Sommar pillows), but IT IS an endurance sport. Not only does it take 5 years to find your way out of Ikea, but once you’re done you have to haul the stuff outta there yourself. And let me tell you particle board is HEAVY.
Disneyland Visiting
The Happiest Place on Earth, my ass! This is the most exhausting place on earth. The last time I went here I felt like I’d been hit by a truck when the day was over.
Driving in Los Angeles
Angelenos become a crazy, vindictive bunch when they get behind the wheel. So hold on tight, and pray that the person you just cut off doesn’t have a firearm in their glove compartment.
Well I’ll be damned: Los Angeles isn’t the worse city for road rage.
Going to the Barneys New York Warehouse Sale
Have you ever been to one these things? You can seriously lose an eye here if you’re not careful. In fact, now that I think about it, I almost did! When I went to the winter sale a few months ago, some woman was rifling through the hangers so hard she hit in me in the eye!
Deli Sandwich Eating
I have absolutely NO IDEA how anyone manages to eat one of these, you can barely pick it up, let alone fit it inside your mouth. Anyone who manages to eat one of these (this particular one happens to be the Woody Allen from the Carnegie Deli in NYC) deserves some sort of plaque.
Because let’s face it, sandwiches aren’t cake.
Installing a Wireless Network
Maybe I’m just a goon when it comes to tech stuff, but whenever I’ve tried to install a wireless network it’s just been heartache and heartbreak.
Claw Machines
I am obsessed with sinking tons of quarters into claw machine madness. It’s still hit or miss, but I have a fairly impressive streak of winning. As I approach many things, I intensely focus and concentrate until I run out of money. One of my proudest moments was winning a baseball pillow from one of those giant claw machines you could live inside of. FIRST TRY. I wowed all of Dave & Buster’s. This was, like, 2 years ago…
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About The Author
The SFV, Los Angeles
Likes: sweet pickles, English Bulldog puppies, jukeboxes, bicycles, and wheat beer.
Dislikes: traffic jams, people who talk during yoga classes, murky swimming pools, excessively sweet frosting, and surly librarians.
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