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The Shark Week Guide
- by elguapo
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- August 05, 2009
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Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. It's time for Discovery Channel's Shark Week, aka the awesomest week of the year. Last year 29 million fans tuned in to watch. If you are awesome (which I assume you are if you are reading this) you're probably thinking of having guests over to watch. Here's everything you'll need to know to throw a kick-ass Shark Week party.
Step ONE: Get Yourself a Big Ass HD TV
The more HD, the better.
Shark Wireless & Tv
531 Wentworth Ave, Calumet City, IL 60409
HD it up!!!!!
Buy your big ass, 80 inch, feels-like-there’s-a-shark-in-your-living-room, HD TV here. Ask for the great white special!
HD it up!!!!!
Buy your big ass, 80 inch, feels-like-there’s-a-shark-in-your-living-room, HD TV here. Ask for the great white special!
Step THREE: create a feeding frenzy snack buffet table
Some species of sharks can live up to 20 years. Coincidentally, so can Shark Bites fruit snacks. If you happen to have a box lying around from the late eighties, now would be a good time to bust them out.
Shark's Fish & Chicken
420 S Clark St, Chicago, IL 60605
For those guests who don’t like twenty-year-old fun fruits, this place has good chicken. There are a million of them in Chicago. Pick your poison.
For those guests who don’t like twenty-year-old fun fruits, this place has good chicken. There are a million of them in Chicago. Pick your poison.
Step FOUR: Let your guests know which house is yours
The Party’s THIS way.
Step SEVEN: Keep the Frenzy going by requiring all guests wear shark hats at all times except for commercial breaks
Like a baseball player with a cap, Abe Lincoln with his top hat, or the Quaker Oat guy with his Quaker Oat hat, every Shark Week nerd needs a shark hat to feel complete.
Tropical shark hat.
Sorry buddy, but wearing the Hawaiian shirt doesn’t make this any more acceptable.
Guidespot: Picking the Perfect First Pet
Great white shark???
The Field Museum
1400 S Lake Shore Dr, Chicago, IL 60605
Did you know sharks are older than dinosaurs? Yep, it’s true. They could also probably beat up dinosaurs too. Learn these facts and more at the Field Museum. If you hurry, you’ll be able to catch the awesome Pirate exhibit going on at the Field, now through the rest of summer.
Did you know sharks are older than dinosaurs? Yep, it’s true. They could also probably beat up dinosaurs too. Learn these facts and more at the Field Museum. If you hurry, you’ll be able to catch the awesome Pirate exhibit going on at the Field, now through the rest of summer.
Extreme Shark hat!!!
Award Door Prizes to Person with Awesomest Shark Hat
The door prize should be Jaws for NES.
Additional Notes
He who flings poo will suffer an unfortunate future.
Known fact: Sharks hate chimps. Even well behaved chimps that drink from stemmed wine glasses. In the rare occasion that you own a chimp, keep him in the basement during shark week festivities.
Step TWO: Offer Shark Beverages to Your Esteemed Guests and Colleagues
Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA: Quite possibly the best thing to come from the state of Delaware since…well, let’s be serious…since ever.
Step FIVE: Rent Mega Shark v. Giant Octopus to get everyone in the mood
This is one of Lorenzo Lamas’ finest pieces of work. Keep the clip playing on loop before the actual Shark Week programming starts to work your guests into a Shark week frenzy!
Step SIX: Feel the Excitement!!!!!
it’s Shark Week, Oprah!!!!! It’s Shark Week!!!!!!
Gather everyone together and sit on the edge of your couch. Shark week is about to begin!
Nerd-Eating Shark Hat
Eat. The. Nerd. Eat. The. Nerd. Eat. The. Nerd.
Shark Hat (foreign)
This guy has what appears to be a shark turban.
Dolphin Hat
Shhhh…Don’t tell poor Suzy, she’s really wearing a dolphin hat.
Bonus Step: Take Bets on whether people on the show survive
Eight to one says this guy’s a goner.
John G. Shedd Aquarium
1200 S Lake Shore Dr, Chicago, IL 60605
Can’t get enough sharks? Head to Shedd Aquarium. Tip: every first weekend of the month, Bank of America does a free day at Shedd for people who hav B of A cards.
Can’t get enough sharks? Head to Shedd Aquarium. Tip: every first weekend of the month, Bank of America does a free day at Shedd for people who hav B of A cards.
Jewel-Osco
1224 S Wabash Ave, Chicago, IL 60605
You can pick up pretty much everything you’ll need for your shark week party at Jewel-Osco. This particular location is known to have old food sitting around, so perhaps you’ll get lucky and find a box of 20 year old shark bites! Hooray!!
You can pick up pretty much everything you’ll need for your shark week party at Jewel-Osco. This particular location is known to have old food sitting around, so perhaps you’ll get lucky and find a box of 20 year old shark bites! Hooray!!
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.jpg "Karey Ann")
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I’m such a shark week fan!! My little brother and I used to hole up in the family room for the whole week and it would drive my parents crazy (probably because we would try to re-inact “feeding” at the dinner table for weeks afterwards) . . . it’s been a few years since I’ve tuned in – thanks for the reminder!
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