Say "*F* it" To The Diet Plan In New York

CUPCAKES CONQUER ALL.

I used to keep a stash of rainbow chip frosting in my cupboard for " a rainy day." Frosting was a form of nourishment and when I finally ordered a cupcake from Crumbs I felt completely justified in this type of thinking. Cupcakes are an underrated dessert, so rightfully so Crumbs makes massive cupcakes that could kick a cakes ass.

What To Order- Caramel Apple Cupcake
MAXIMIZE CALORIES- Take home a Hostess Cupcake and a Key Lime cupcake for later.

There is a reason why some of the most delicious things are behind glass, they are sacred and they should often be forbidden. I walk down Bleeker street everyday and the glass between myself and the pastry’s could only separate the two of us for so long, we were destined to be one. I finally succumbed to my desire and casually sauntered in, and it was over.

What To Order- A cannoli
MAXIMIZE CALORIES- Order five cannoli’s…they’re small.

This restaurant in the Chelsea Market disguised itself as healthy and "organic, " using local farmers ingredients etc. So I figured, “Great, I’ll hop in and have a nice mixed greens salad, I’ll feel healthy and triumphant.”

Oh no. I ate the most DELICIOUS grilled cheese on the PLANET EARTH, with herb butter and roasted apples.  I gave a big fat finger to my calorie intake for the day and enjoyed every minute of it.

What To Order: Grilled Cheese or Classic Chicken Pot Pie
MAXIMIZE CALORIES: Walk over to Fat Witch Bakery and order the Red Witch Brownie

On my day off I make it my mission to try to some international cuisine. Though I love Mojitos and have plenty of experience with them, I had never tried Cuban food. Lord, I had no idea what I was missing!
I started off with just enough mojitos to remain guilt-free throughout my meal. Usually what happens is I order dessert, or appetizers and bite for bite, I am ingesting so much guilt that I walk an extra block past my house to work off the calories. Not this time, oh no…drink your way to guilt-free happiness.

What To Order- Empanadas, Tamal Cubano and Pollo a la Varadero
MAXIMIZE CALORIES- A side of Tostones and  Torta Tres Leches

I need a cookie.

The most detrimental diet mistake is eating late at night. Or so they say. Being that almost EVERYWHERE delivers in New York City, it’s difficult to abide by that rule.
I’ve always been big on baking, but with a kitchen that’s the size of a large pan- baking is tricky. I didn’t want a packaged Oreo, or boxed Nabisco cookies, I wanted warm, straight from the oven goodness. And what did I find? Insomnia Cookies.
Beginning delivery at 8pm and ending at 2:30am….you’re given ample time to make the bad choice of ordering while watching Jay Leno and it is so worth it.

What To Order- M&M, Sugar and Peanut Butter Chip Cookies.
MAXIMIZE CALORIES- By ordering at 1am….throw in a Cookie Dough Brownie in there too.

SUPERMAC Saves the day.

I grew up on “The Blue Box” so I was content eating run of the mill Kraft and until now, that was completely satisfying.
When I was  going through a mad cheese craving frenzy I mentioned to a co-worker that, “I NEEDED SOME MAC & CHEESE.” She obviously understood my desperation for CHEESE and gave me a little gem of advice, “Supermac.”
It was like she gave me the cure for cancer, or the name of person behind Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.”
This advice was a little golden nugget.

What To Order: Quattro Formaggio Mega Mac
MAXIMIZE CALORIES: A side of Jalapeno Macsticks

As a former California resident I had a palpable amount of fear that by leaving Cali, I was also leaving some of the best Mexican restaurants on the planet. I was singing my farewells to burritos and margaritas, mourning over guacamole and daydreaming about margaritas. Luckily, Blockheads proved me wrong…by the time I was done with my first meal there I should have brought a crane to lift me out of my food coma.

What To Order- Jamaican Jerk Chicken Burrito
MAXIMIZE CALORIES- The Mega Black Flower (sangria and a margarita mixed)

During some casual conversation with a friend the topic of fried okra came about….how? I have no idea, my friends and I do a lot of food musing. When we met at Delta Grill later in the week to listen to New Orleans type jazz and drink some beers, we were pleasantly surprised with FRIED OKRA! Which is so amazing, it deserves its own food group.

What To Order- Fried Okra, Fried Cheese Grits, Sticky Chicken and Jambalaya.
MAXIMIZE CALORIES- Hell, what’s another appetizer? Fried Green Tomatoes anyone? AND Sweet Potato Pecan Pie.

You're In New York- have a slice.

Pizza is competitive in NYC. The competition has made each little pizza shop exceptional, I have yet to have a negative pizza experience. With that being said, pizza can get DAMNED boring so when Chef’s like Mario Batali decide to “spice it up.” I’m on board.
When I checked out the menu and there were ingredients like egg on the pizzas I wanted to run straight to Pizza Hut at high speed. Chile’s, Garlic, Clams? Thank God I wasn’t on a date because I was sure I’d either vomit or at least have raunchy breathe. The outcome: pure perfection.

What To Order- Pane Frattau Pizza
MAXIMIZE CALORIES-  Ricotta, Olive Oil, and Pistachio Gelato