How To Spot A Bachelor's Kitchen - In San Francisco

The Bar

You know you’re in a San Francisco bachelor’s kitchen when the contents of the bar far exceed the fridge. Not only do the young tomcats try to impress with memberships to wine clubs in Napa, and resulting wine accoutrements, but they usually try to keep a stock of your basic high-end liquors. No complaints there.

The Vegetable Drawer

In your average SF bachelor’s fridge, you will find both vegetable crispers stashed with beer. Though their tastes in wine and liquor are those of a post-collegiate palate, I find your common bachelor tends to settle for industrial American beers.

Edible Inventory

The constituents of your typical bachelor’s food rations are usually drink garnishes, so don’t be alarmed if you are offered a bleu cheese olive and marischino omelette for breakfast. Some bachelors also carry a few frozen items and the occasional condiment. If ever there is something of sustenance, it’s usually skinless chicken, or something that can be grilled on the trusty George Foreman to guarantee lean protein consumption.

Gadgets

Your common SF bachelor will have a love affair with a few very high-tech kitchen pieces. Whether it’s some type of fat-burning grill, or waterless steamer, there is certain to be some type of gadgetry that sticks out like a vegetarian in Germany.

In addition, do not be surprised if the kitchen features an expensive-looking saltwater aquarium with a clap-on/clap-off black light.

Glassware

A collection of logo-covered stemware – free souvenirs from wine tastings – is sure to grace the shelf of your SF bachelor. Following suit, old Pom Tea glasses are another popular and convenient pick. Prepare to ingest all hot beverages from a Bavarian stein, and all water out of a commemerative plastic 3-Peat cup back from when the Bulls were good.

Never fear, though: There will certainly be koozies a-plenty.

Linens

Dishware

Along with a few maroon plastic plates that he found on the shelf when he moved in, your SF bachelor will have almost a half-set of the emrald green square dishware that he and his brother bought for his mom’s birthday 15 years ago.

If it’s really true that you eat first with your eyes, your PB& J is going to taste mysteriously like pine and wooden mallards.

Cutlery

You have never known a true bachelor’s kitchen until you’ve eaten a Jell-O cup with a mellon baller. Alternately, you may have truly experienced the same phenomenon while spreading peanut butter on a frozen bagel with a potato peeler.