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Cocktail Party Guide #3: How To Impress A San Francisco Academic
- by elissa
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- June 16, 2009
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Maybe I’m just bitter because they will never have to face the real world. Maybe I’m only jealous because I do not receive a stipend for asking a bunch of college kids what their personal definitions of “culture” are every semester. Maybe they only excite me because they have keys to every film library in town. No matter what the catalyst, my heart swells in the presence of the cogs of academia – strong in mind, fearless in the face of the IRS, and well-adjusted to the fact that I have a loft bed in a 10’ x 10’ room. Please join me in my unending quest to prove my worth to all the kids who couldn’t get marketing jobs, so they applied for grad school instead. Wink!
Use the word "meta" liberally.
"Your MySpace pic is so arousingly meta."
"Junk food shaped like junk food? Way meta."
These babies aren’t vegan, though. Sorry horses for stealing your gelatin!
If you don’t know what this is, you obviously didn’t go to the same orthodontist that I did. You know, the one with the FREE Kirby video games?
Go crazy for Stephen Hawking.
Don't be shy about your Hawking Lego shrine.
Collectors Cave the
2072 Union St, San Francisco, CA 94123
Pick up your specialized Lego set here.
Pick up your specialized Lego set here.
Be openly thankful that we now know so much about black hole radiation!
Drink PBR...
…even IF you know the difference between a lager and an ale. Students are still broke.
If you get stumped by a reference, fight back by shouting, “Well, I don’t believe in history.”
“Now everyone knows that Custard dies at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is…maybe he didn’t.”
Maxfield's House of Caffiene
398 Dolores St, San Francisco, CA 94110
Come set up a game of Risk at this cafe if you want to snag yourself a nice young scholar who won’t be able to afford a washer/dryer until he’s 40, but will make up for it in his ability to self-actualize.
Come set up a game of Risk at this cafe if you want to snag yourself a nice young scholar who won’t be able to afford a washer/dryer until he’s 40, but will make up for it in his ability to self-actualize.
Carry a copy of "The Tao Of Pooh" at all times.
Because…yaknow…you’ll never know when you’ll feel like reading a chapter aloud!
“I've eaten soyrizo tacos since I realized my goldfish is meta-cognizant."
Sun Rise Restaurant
3126 24th St, San Francisco, CA 94110
Get your soyrizo breakfast burrito here, my vegan intellectuals!
Get your soyrizo breakfast burrito here, my vegan intellectuals!
This doesn't really count...
…but it was way too tempting.
What's Up Dog
2211 Filbert St, San Francisco, CA 94123
Use above photo for your protest poster.
Use above photo for your protest poster.
Remain unphased when you see the Grim Reaper board a trolley car.
Naturally, you will assume it’s just some grad student from the Art Institute doing a social experiment regarding the death of the lightweight railborne vehicle.
It may not be form-fitting, but it will make 'em weak in the knees.
Academic Temporary Tattoos Website
Because you know you’re not ready to commit to that infinity sign tramp stamp.
Bring Out The Tramp Stamp
By: Hi-Liner
Accessorize accordingly.
Broken Record
1166 Geneva Ave, San Francisco
Fifty cent pints and $2 pitchers of PBR will convert the snobbiest of beer snobs into a believer…Until the hangover hits.
Discuss your respective techniques for memorizing the first 100 digits of pi.
The only thing he’ll enjoy more than hearing your method is sharing his own!
Mechanics' Institute
57 Post St Fl 3, San Francisco, CA 94104
Make eye contact with your future academic mate at one of the reknowned chess lectures here.
Make eye contact with your future academic mate at one of the reknowned chess lectures here.
If all else fails, just start talking about Steve Reich.
Because, you know, he swung a microphone around and smart people love him.
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