El Guapo's Guide to Running the Chicago Marathon

by ElGuapo - October 20, 2008

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El Guapo ran the 2008 Chicago Marathon in a Banana Costume. If El Guapo can do it, so can you. Just follow the simple training plan below.

Step One: Select a Charity

This year Chicago marathon runners raised more than $12,000,000 for charity.

If you’re going to do something as crazy as try to run 26.2 painful, painful miles, you might as well run for a reason. Take the opportunity to raise money for your favorite charity or a good cause dear to your heart.

I decided to run to raise money to start a scholarship fund for my friend’s two-year-old daughter after her mother passed away earlier this year.

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Fleet Feet Sports

4555 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago, IL 60625

Get all the above gear and more at Fleet Feet Sports.

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Step Six: Familiarize Yourself With The Marathon Course

A big part of your mental preparation is envisioning your route. That’s why it’s important to thoroughly familiarize yourself with the course map a few days before the race so you know where the mile markers, aid stations and water stands are at. This year’s official “mapvertisement” also included icons for five B of A banking centers and eleven different McDonald’s restaurants along the course route.

The Map referred to these restaurants as “McDonald’s Runner Update Centers.” however, I like to think of them more as “Big Mac Refueling Stations.”

In all honesty, I did think it was a bit strange that the official marathon map had the precise location of eleven McDonald’s along a marathon route. I mean, seriously, who gets to mile 16 and says to himself “Man, I could really go for a f*cking filet-o-fish right now.”

Nevertheless, I memorized all eleven McDonald’s locations just to play it safe.

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Gnc Nutritional Center

810 W North Ave, Chicago, IL 60622

Get your energy gels, whey protein and other FDA approved supplements here.

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Step Two: Purchase Ridiculous Costume

If you are going to run for charity, you might as well have fun with it. Throw your self-respect out the window and dress up like a banana, a super-hero or some other humorous inanimate object. Small children, pets and old folks will poop their pants laughing as you run by.

As an added bonus you will amass hundreds, perhaps millions of dollars in savings from not having to purchase all the fancy-shmancy dry-fit, poly-carbon running gear every first-time marathoner feels obligated to purchase.

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Chicago Costume Warehouse

1514 W Adams St, Chicago, IL 60607

Purchase stupid banana costume at Chicago Costume Warehouse. However, act quickly as the Costume Warehouse will return to a phone bank data processing center after the holiday season!

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Step Four: Begin Training

If you are in moderately good shape, it will probably take you about four months to train for a marathon. If you are a fatty-fatty like El Guapo give yourself six months to prepare.

However, El Guapo says, less is more. Don’t overdo it with the training runs. If you do, it will end up killing your knees. Instead most running gurus suggest mixing some bicycling, yoga or other types of cross-training into your routine.

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Step Five: Mentally Prepare For The Race

“A marathon is 90% mental and 10% physical.”

- Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid II

Does the idea of running 12-15 miles after work make you ill?

If so, you’re in luck because the El Guapo Marathon training plan focuses more on the mental aspects of running 26 miles. So instead of going on that dreaded 16 mile run this weekend, plop down on the couch with a bag of Doritos, and take this opportunity to mentally prepare for the race by watching inspirational running documentaries

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Video Schmideo

345 W North Ave Chicago, IL 60610

For your inspirational movies don’t make it a Blockbuster night. Instead go to Video Scmideo. It’s slightly more expensive than Blockbuster ($4 for a two day rental) but it’s probably the only place in town where you’ll be able to find such classics as Harry and the Hendersons, Three Men and a Baby or Weekend at Bernie’s II on DVD.

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Pasta Bowl the

2434 N Clark St, Chicago, IL 60614

Head to this Lincoln Park mainstay for heaping bowls of cheap, delicious carbo-laden spaghetti. After your meal walk through the door to the Other Side bar where you can continue carboloading on $5 Guinnesses all night long.

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Step Nine: Run Like The Wind

Okay, so maybe I didn’t exactly run like the wind. (More like a wounded penguin). But I did raise some money for good cause and I’ll continue on my quest to raise more. I you would like to see more pictures of el Guapo running in full banana regalia or if you’d like to donate to help him raise money for Clementine’s scholarship fund you can visit his fundraising page at GiveForward.org

Muchas Gracias,

El Guapo

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Running Away

1634 W North Ave, Chicago, IL 60622

A running store in the heart of Hipsterville: Where you go if your running shoes are black hi-top converse.

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Discussions

: by acornfactory 10/22/2008 Reply

you were one giant reminder to those poor running folks to eat their potassium and keep those cramps away! you’re a saint el guapo!!