Nightmare Roommates

I knew my weird suitemate slept a lot, but I usually wasn’t around to understand the extent of it. One Sunday I was trapped inside all day writing a term paper, and I actually witnessed this sloth-like roommate wake up from her 18-hour slumber, shuffle to the kitchen, eat a hotdog, and then take a 3-hour nap. Every once in a while she would play Lara Croft, or stalk people on Facebook. That’s how she met her creepy boyfriend, who took her to In-N-Out Burger on their first date.

This actually happened to one of my good friends freshman year. The title pretty much sums it up: The guy peed on the fridge in his sleep. He then took the time to wipe it up with paper towels, all without any recollection the next morning. Can you imagine the fear my friend must have felt each night as he drifted off to sleep, knowing his roommate with unpredictable peeing habits slept only 6 feet away?

When she wasn’t fantasizing about plastic surgery or throwing up in the sink, she was probably passed out on her floor, too out-cold to notice that I was locked out. And so it went with Miss Del Mar, the rich pageant roommate with the Louis Vuitton wall, and Hollywood club promoter boyfriend named “Remington.”

The dude who would bounce a basketball against the wall

I get it, you like basketball, that’s fine. But bouncing it against our shared wall? Not fine. Someone had to write lesson plans, i.e. use her hands AND brain simultaneously. You also never bought toilet paper and left me to clean the place when we all moved out…not bitter or anything!